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T

tashhh

New member
Hey

I’m Tash, an 18 year-old from England. Sudent-cum-actress.

Basically, I had a crappy childhood and at about 12 I started to comfort eat. Last summer, I decided anorexia was the ideal solution - I lost a lot of weight and looked awful; hair, skin, nails, eyes…just everything about me looked deadened, I then gained it all back again by October. I tried the non-eating again but this time people noticed because I was at college and it was just an unstructured day for me where no one really paid much attention if I ate, but sitting in the canteen with friends with only a bottle of water in front of you kinda draws attention. Furthermore, I had now fainted twice due to lack of food.

So, my mum took me in hand and we went and got a book on the Gi Diet - it has been my bible ever since! Problem is that I still have the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) and although now, 18 lbs lighter and even with people say I do look slim and good I don’t think I’m quite there yet as I still feel bulky and very wide. I know counselling would probably be beneficial in this area - as my Mum's a psyco-dynamic therapist, I understand this, but I can't quite bring myself to go yet.

My main focus areas are my legs and my arms, I’m desperate to make them slender. (so any suggestions are much appreciated on that front!)

My routine:

Good healthy meals, Low in Gi.
Snacks - fat free yoghurts & fruit.
I drink about 1.5 litres of water a day.

3-4 times a week, jogging (a recent addition to the weightless program)
4-5 times a week, Callanetics
Walk to places fairly often.

Stats:

UK Clothes size - 10. (A 6 in America, I think)
Height: 5’3 ½
Weight: 143 lbs

Upper Arms - 11 inches
Bust - 36 inches
Under Bust - 32 inches
Waist - 28 ½ inches
Hips - 36 inches
Upper Thigh - 23 inches
Mid Thigh - 21 inches
Calf - 14 ¼ inches.

I would really like to lose 2 - 3 inches off of each measurement, also and I’d really appreciate any guidance people have for me.

Tash.
 
Hi I'm from the UK too.

Did you see that program on TV about 2 months ago on Body Dismorphic Disorder, BDD?

This program highlighted the irational beliefs that people with BDD have. Typically such people look normal or even beautiful to others but to themselves they look hideous.

I think counselling is necessary for anyone who even suspects they may have BDD (or an eating disorder) because you cannot get a realistic idea of your weight until the BDD or eating disorder is sorted out.

Good luck
 
Do you think a person with anorexia, CONSTANTLYhates his/her own body? Or can he/she have sporadic moments of self-admiration and self-realization, that he/she is in fact underweight?
 
I didn't see that documentry, no. I think it would have been kinda hard for me to watch though, to be honest.

Yeah...I'm just not quite ready within my self to seek proffesional help...I know it's what I need to do, cause my body image is all out of sorts and my sense of perception is shot to peices but...I don't know, I guess I'm just not quite at a point where I want to "bare all", as it were.

yellowandpurple - I think the thing is that, yes when you see your bones poking through your skin you do see it as beautiful, but then there's another part of you that says "you can be thinner" or "you can eat less than 300 calories a day" and that generally wins out with anorexics, I'm afraid. Mentally I'm kinda still there...and I sometimes do feel pysically ill after eating a meal, but I try and keep it all down. Also I find I can't eat until I'm full because I hate it if I can feel food in me and, furthermore, I like to feel hungry - empty - as opposed to satisfied.

I mean, I'm constantly preoccupied with body image, it literally rules my life, but there are times when I think "yeah, you look half decent.".
 
hmm i see... makes a lot of sense. i know i struggle with food/body image as well, but i haven't been diagnosed so i really don't know know how serious it is for me. but thank you so much for taking the time to explain. i hope you won't mind answering a few questions from time to time. thanks love.
 
Hallo, Code Red =]]

yellowandpurple - No problem, love. Ask away at any time and I'll try and answer. =]] Though, I'll tell you now, no matter how ugly/fat/inadequete you think you are, I can assure you - if you have eating disorders tendencies - then it's already quite distorted and you should try to break out of it before you go to far along.
 
Hi tashhh
You wrote:
I think the thing is that, yes when you see your bones poking through your skin you do see it as beautiful, but then there's another part of you that says "you can be thinner" or "you can eat less than 300 calories a day" and that generally wins out with anorexics, I'm afraid. Mentally I'm kinda still there...and I sometimes do feel pysically ill after eating a meal, but I try and keep it all down. Also I find I can't eat until I'm full because I hate it if I can feel food in me and, furthermore, I like to feel hungry - empty - as opposed to satisfied.

I mean, I'm constantly preoccupied with body image, it literally rules my life, but there are times when I think "yeah, you look half decent.".


Your words touch me because this is the way many people speak on pro ana sites...so yes you still have an eating disorder mindset.

Eating disorders are complex. Most people cannot get out of an eating disorder without professional help.

You said you are not yet ready to bare all but in a sense you are doing it here and a therapist would not be much different...in my opinion. A therapist is a stranger who wants to help support you in a difficult situation. They usually don't try to impose anything onto you that you are not ready for. A good therapist works with you at your pace. Even though you are not yet ready I hope you will keep an open mind about seeing a therapist that will help you overcome your eating disorder.

Until then, stay strong and eat healthy
 
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