New and in desperate need of help.

J

justwant2bhappy

New member
Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and am hoping that this is something that can help me. Hopefully there is someone out there too who I can help. As I begin to write this, tears fill up my eyes, because I know that I am struggling, and I know that there are many others out there who are also struggling with their weight and body issues. I'm in the biggest emotional slump I think I've ever been throughout my struggle with eating and weight. I'm afraid to even say my height and weight because I feel as if I'll be judged. Judged not because of how heavy I am, but because of how 'normal' I apparently am. I am just so unhappy with myself, and I don't know what else to do. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, I am simply just looking for an outlet of hope.

Nice to meet all of you.
 
Have you tried exercise?

If you are unhappy with your shape - but BMI calculators tell you that your shape is "normal" (which is what you imply is the case) - it is quite possible that you do not have to actually lose weight (or much weight) - but need to tone up instead. Having said that there is quite a wide range that is considered "normal" because people have differing sized frames.

I would go to a local gym - even if you pretend to be thinking of joining - and ask to speak to them about what they percieve you should be doing and what they think your ideal weight should be. You never know - they may have all the answers and you may decide to join up. Alternatively - you may decide to do some exercise classes or join somewhere else.

I would also discuss your shape with your doctor and see what he has to say. If both the doctor and the gym suggest exercise but no actual weight loss - I would give that a go and see how it works out. Remember - it can be just as unhealthy to be underweight as overweight and easy for our perceptions to become out of line with reality.
 
I agree with Omega about working towards toning up. If your weight is in a healthy range for your height, what is it that you see is wrong or not where you'd like it be? Do people around you notice the same things? Would you be happy with a tighter body or is this much deeper? If your eating habits are off, start now and change them the way you like. Start clean with some water and watch what you're eating. Stay healthy and don't starve yourself. If you're at a healthy weight, it's much more likely an issue with muscle. There's hope as long as there's a new morning on the way. Every new day can hold the promise of a better tomorrow if you let it. This sounds like the culmination of many issues. Decide that things are going to change. You don't have to struggle. Good luck.
 
Hi and welcome.

I'll agree with the others about exercise and shaping your body ... but also I'll say this. We can't help you if we don't know what kind of help you want.

I know how hard it is to put things out there and possibly get criticized on them, but "I want to change" doesn't give us anything to work with! :)

Don't be afraid or ashamed. We're all more than happy to help if we can.
 
Hi all - I appreciate the quick feedback. I do belong to a gym and for a time I went religiously almost everyday. I felt great but I really wasn't seeing much results. I usually did between 40-65 minutes of cardio, ab exercises, and I would alternate my strength training routines. After months of on and off exercising, I basically gave up. Now I'm in a position where I am so unhappy with my body and simply just want to be thin. Its hard for me to be on here because I feel like I'm complaining, when in reality, I just want to know that I'm not alone. It goes beyond weight, and food for me. Its so much more than that. Like many, my issue is compulsive eating, eating to numb the pain and eating to feel better. We all know that eating to feel better just ends up making you feel worse. I don't starve myself, but I often wish I had the willpower to do so. I live in an area where thin is beautiful and although I have a normal BMI, I feel completely abnormal. I would love to tone up my stomach and thighs, but finding the motivation to do so is the hardest part. I'd rather lay in my bed and do nothing and think about exercising than actually go and exercise. I am trying to figure out what initially motivates me to workout and hopefully get back there. I would be more motivated to workout if I felt that I saw results. I didn't see any difference on the scale, but saw a slight difference in my body in general. I do drink quite a bit of water, and do not drink soda or high sugar drinks. I have been obsessed with nutrition and reading literature on dieting, exercise, etc. for many years. I almost feel like I have all of the tools at my disposal and know exactly what I need to do, I just don't do it. Its almost as if I'm allowing myself to sabotage myself. How do I just do it?
 
I have very much been in your shoes. I was there for quite a while. I was not happy with how I looked however I had lost a lot of weight. Most people said "You look fine" or "be happy with what you lost" or "You don't need to lose anymore weight"

However I did not look the way I wanted to look, so even though I had lost a lot of weight, I was not where I wanted to be.

That being said, you know, no one can help you but yourself. There is not one thing that someone can say on this forum to make you get out of bed in the morning to go workout or whenever. You have to put it in your mind that you are going to make your goal. That means if one thing isn't working time to move on and try something else. Don't get caught up in doing one thing and when it doesn't work give up!

Change is VERY hard, everyone is comfortable where they are, but that is just it. You must change. Once you are willing to make an honest effort to better yourself and to make you goal there are tools to help!
 
It sounds to me like you didn't have a real plan or any guidance - you were just working out and not seeing results.

A couple of things I'd suggest: One is to find a plan. You can do that by working with a trainer or you can find one in a book or online - just makes sure it's a good plan with real information. I frequently recommend either Body for Life or The New Rules of Lifting (either the original or the "for women" version). Both programs are geared towards results. If you're looking for something online, check out CrossFit or the Stronglifts 5x5 plans (google them and you'll get the websites).

The other is to take measurements of yourself. Don't just rely on the mirror or the scale. A lot of times we don't *see* the changes in ourselves. There can be a lot of reasons for that, but whatever they are, we just don't see them. Start a notebook, a spreadsheet, heck even a piece of paper taped to the bathroom mirror. Measure once a week and note the changes. I think you'll "see" faster progress if you can keep track of the changes rather than just trying to find them in the mirror.

As far as motivation - what it really comes down to is that you have to want it bad enough to do it and to commit to it. Honestly there's no other way. Commitment is the important part: motivation fades in and out.

Here's my philosophy on exercise and eating right - I've posted this a lot before but I don't mind repeating it. :)
Some mornings when you get up, you feel great and you're excited to go to work or get on with your daily routine and you're energized and motivated, right? And some mornings you get up and you didn't sleep well and you feel bad or you're upset about something or you've got cramps and feel bloated ... and you really just want to go back to bed and hide under the covers. But .. you don't. And it has nothing to do with being motivated. You get up and go to work or care for the kids or go to school or whatever because that's what we do. That's what a responsible, mature adult does.

And that's how I look at the whole process of eating well, losing weight, and exercising. Some days I feel really good about it. Some days I have great ideas for what to fix for dinner and I enjoy the challenge and the gym is fun and .. it all is just GREAT. And some days I look at the yogurt in my bowl in the morning and think "Bleah." Some days I get in my car after work and think "I just want to go home" and then I drive to the gym and do my workout.

It's not always fun. It's not always what you WANT to do. But if you are honest with yourself and if you are responsible and sensible ... you do it. Just like everything in life.

So don't feel like you're a failure if you don't enjoy it all the time. Just keep going.
Click to expand...

Hope that helps you some. :)
 
Thanks for your responses. I've been reading a lot of books also to try and help learn more about my issues and find motivation. For a while I have been reading Fat is a Feminist Issue and Eating Mindfully. Both seem to have good information. I have also read Skinny Bitch and Naturally Thin. A lot of information, a lot of different methods and ideas regarding weight-loss. I want to lose between 10-15 pounds just so I can feel good about myself again. I really appreciate everyone's feedback, and I couldn't agree more. I have to know what I want and just go for it. The hardest part for me is just doing it. Hopefully through some newfound motivation I can get off of my ass and get back into the gym. My eating habits are an issue also however. I know what I what's healthy and what's not. I feel like however, I am constantly bombarded with what I should and should not eat, some say don't eat dairy and others say to eat some dairy and animal products. Others say eat healthy carbs and some say no carbs at all. For years I've been overexposed to what's good and what's not and what I should and what I should not eat, that now I'm at the point where I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EAT. I am a vegetarian however and stick firmly by that, but sometimes finding and sticking with a meal plan is tough.

Thanks for everyone's responses!
 
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