Needing to Vent

RoyalRoseBlue

RoyalRoseBlue

New member
I haven't seen one of my friends in a really long time, and I ended up seeing her earlier last week. I was excited to tell her that I lost 20 pounds and she seemed happy for me, and asked me how I did it. I told her that I cut out soda and have just been watching what I eat and how many calories I consume a day. She then told me that she has been watching what she has been eating. I congradulated her and gave her support. Well, later in the evening she was saying how it was her birthday and how her boyfriend took her to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and then chinese for lunch. She didn't mention about dinner, and then ate a bowl of cottage cheese with pasta (eww). As we were all sitting around, she was holding a bottle of the new Moutain Dew soda. I checked the label (another new habbit) and there were 300 calories in just one bottle and 50 or 80 grams of sugar! I don't think I consume 300 calories between breakfast and lunch. Then, we all decided to go to my friends ice cream store. I figured okay, I can give myself a little treat since I've been good, but i won't binge like I use to do. So, we get there, and here I am with my little bowl of ice cream, with a little peanut butter on top, and she comes and sits down with a huge bowl of ice cream with every topping on it. Then she's talking about funnel cake, so my other friend goes in the back and whips up a funnel cake and loads it powder sugar. She pretty much ate the whole entire thing! Now, if that is watching what you eat, I'd hate to see what she eats normally. I know her and her boyfriend are always going out to eat and they especially love buffets. It just drives me nuts because I think she's the type of person that will "one up" you. I'll say something and she'll be like, oh yeah, I did this or I did that, but I had this reaction. It's very annoying 'cause I'm trying so hard and being very serious about my health and my weight and to her, it's just trying to show me up. I feel bad 'cause she's my boyfriend friend's girlfriend and she's not from around here, so she doens't have many friends. So, being the good person I am, I have befriended her and now I'm thinking it's a total mistake.

I had a really good day yesterday, I went out and bought the Billy Blanks Boot Camp workout, I went for a really long walk with my boyfriend. I fought tempation, and I have a possitive attitude. I feel good about myself and I'm developing a plan. Our gym in the firehouse is almost done and there is some equipement up there now, so after work tonight, I am going to go up and workout for a bit. I'm just worried that she'll be there and bringdown. Argh!!!
 
I totally understand how you feel. I have a friend who totally fits your description - constantly trying to get up on you. If something nice happens to you, then be assured it's doubly happened to her. Or her boyfriend's twice as loving as yours...

The fact is that such people have low self esteem, so the only way they can make themselves feel good is by making others feel worse.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. Chances are that raising this issue will lead to problems, not just between the two of you, but between your boyfriend and hers. I know it's hard to do, but you've got to ignore her. Have faith in the fact that you're more honest with yourself and don't make people feel bad in order to make yourself feel good.

A lot of people lie about their food - that's their business though. It's your attitude towards food and your body that counts. If they choose to lie about what they eat, then it's their bodies that'll feel the crunch, not yours.

Oh, and even if she chooses to be at your gym, still ignore her. Chances are she won't be strong enough (mentally) to go through with all that's required. So you'll have it to yourself sooner or later. But don't allow any negative vibes affect you, and if you feel like they always do, then try to cut down your association with her (my favourite excuse is having some 'me' time - it's a classic get out clause for virtually everything)

I think this clearly illustrates the importance of being honest with oneself in becoming healthy and fit. If you can't even be honest, then you're a long ways away from being healthy. Keep on with the hard work - you know you're on the right path, so stick with it and ignore any timewasters..(It'll take time but it'll get easier)
 
It is hard to be good when you have a binger at the table.

Distance yourself from her if you can. Although she may be competitive and trying to "one up" you, I think you have the committment.

The best revenge is success. Stay strong and she will probably start following in your foot steps. If not, blow her off. You're losing weight for yourself anyway.

Put on some headphones and tune her out. I think you will motivate her, and possibly make her a good diet buddy, provided she isn't so competitive that it drives you bonkers!!

Hang in there.

You can always go out of the house when she is there and go for a walk or run if you can't stand it.

Hope that helps!!
 
:rotflmao: You could always annoy her with how many calories shes eating , " wow that funnel cake is like 400 calories , I can't believe I used to eat that all the time. "
 
ugh.. that sucks.. just focus on you.. obviouslt she doesnt take her dieting too seriously and will not achieve her goal until she realize its a lifestyle change.

with that said i can relate. my sister is the type of person who has to keep up with the jones's.. never dieted in her life.. and when i started she came out and ask if my dh asked me to loose weight and told my mom i workout too much to loose too little (20lbs!!! is little??) she got the gastric bypass surgery last month but still eats the same way, fast food everyday!..

this is why im against the bypass surgery i dont think people really form good habits from it and end up gaining the weight back later
 
I have a friend like that too. (not that I'm trying to one up you now though).

My friend even married my ex husband. Before that happened, if I said I was getting highlights in my hair on Wed, she'd do it on Monday. Even Halloween... I said I'd be a nurse out to the bar that night and what does she get? A nurse costume. I said I was loosing weight, so she tells me she is, too.

Our friendship has been rocky to say the least and I often wonder why I try to maintain this relationship when it is not necessarily emotionally healthy for me.

Some people are just like how our friends are. They do or say anything to seem like they are doing just as much as you. I think that these people are just insecure about themselves and have not found healthy ways to improve their self esteem.

Though I try to tell myself my last paragraph, it sure is difficult sometimes to still be her friend.

Congrats on your personal weight loss! You are doing great :).
 
Thanks for your support eveyone. I made it through my workout without her being there and I feel 99% better!

GoodFriendEva21 --->Not get get off subject, but I know a few people have had the surgery and majority of them have not changed their lifestyles. They've lost some weight, but gained it all back. The only one I have seen change completely is my mom. Unfortunetely, it was her last resort, but she is very dedicated to the program and the change in life style. She actually had to gain weight to have the surgery done, but she looks amazing, she feels great and I couldn't be more proud of her.
 
Oops, she did it again!

I went to the firehouse to work out last night and I called my one friend to see where they all were since Wednesday night is usually the hang out night there. He told me that they were out looking for chocolate cake. OUT LOOKING FOR CHOCOLATE CAKE, because my other friend "the one upper" said she was in the mood for it, and since her boyfriend was working and she doesn't have a car, she convinced him and his girlfriend to pick her up. I'm like whatever, I'll just stay here and workout and have my boyfriend there for support and give me tips. So, we end up getting a fire call and the whole motley crew shows up. By that time, I was done my workout and went to put my stuff in the car. Well, I grabbed a small pack of peanut butter crackers and had my bottle of water in my hand. I walked back in to the bay and up to my friends since my one friend missed the truck, and they were like, why are eating peanutbutter crackers if you just got done working out. Okay, it wasn't my best choice, but out everything in the vending machinces, it was the "healthiest." While they were on my case, they all had some sort of Dunkin Donut drink in there hands. Hello! You're yelling at me for eating crackers and you eating chocolate cake and drinking crap! Argh! I'm at my witts end! And I wish I could just blow them all off, but I'd hate cause tention between the boyfriends. I try to ignore it, but it just doesn't got away!!!!
 
It's really hard to feel positive and motivated about a new healthier lifestyle when there seem to be saboteurs round every corner, isn't it.

I feel for you - I really do know how annoying it is. There are only 2 things that can help, one of which is the more advisable.
First way is you could stop hanging out with her. This means your boyfriend and hers would no longer hang out as much. But while this may help in the short term I would advise against it, firstly because it's not fair for your boyfriend to have to pay for his friend's girlfriend's shortcomings, and he might resent you for it (extreme case), and also because you will encounter situations like this throughout life, and you can't always shut them out.

The second way (which I tend more towards) is giving it time. This is the more difficult option as it requires you to have more self-control, and suck it up a lot more. But I think that experiences like this give you inner strength; it always helps to have an inner dialogue that analyses your behaviour as well as others'. This inner dialogue might well give you an insight into understanding why people act the way they do, and as a result, you can learn how best to deal with it.

The fact is that you can't change people (as much as I'd like to!), so we need to deal with it as best we can, unfortunately. If people choose to be sarcy with their remarks, all well and good, but the fact is you're the one losing the weight, not them. As you lose more weight they'll get to see this for themselves, and they won't be so smug anymore. Maybe you should hold back from hanging out with such people, just for a while, till you get your patience back. I know it's really hard, but you're on the right path - you just need to stick with it :)
 
RoyalRose, I have no good advice. Imagine beating them senseless?? Maybe that'll help? I visualize that quite often with some of the people I know...

My mom and sister took me shopping the other day. On the way they stopped at Burger King. And the whole while kept asking why I wasn't eating anything, if I wanted some of theirs... arg. Over and over I had to tell them I JUST had lunch. Literally, and was not hungry so I wasn't going to eat if I wasn't hungry. I understand the frustration, truly I do. I wanted to walk out on them, but I bit my toung and waited for them to be done. I don't think they understood that I don't want to put junk in my body just to make them happy. It certainly wouldn't have made me happy, though I was tempted to just give in to shut them up.

Hold your ground and imagine beating them :). Besides, soon you'll have big arm muscles to beat them with ;).
 
Thanks everyone. It's been a little more than a week since I've seen her and it's been good, although whatever she said was a good motivation for me wanting to work out even harder and do good! DBf doesn't really like her that much, but kind of puts up with her for his friend. He knows where I'm coming from and understand how I feel. We tried meeting up with other friends and she was with them over the weekend. Luckily we didn't because they running around somewhere. And DBf cracked a joke like they were trying to find more chocolate cake! I'm just glad I have such a loving and caring boyfriend who is so understanding.
 
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