Need some moral support

H

hello_kitty

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I'm very upset now. Just had an argument with my mom and she said something very hurtful that I can't forget.

I'm currently visiting my family I haven't seen for 11 months. They live in this town where all women are obsessed with being thin. I went to the local beach the other day and it was pretty disgusting, all these really anorexic looking young girls with not a single muscle in their body parading around half naked thinking they look hot. This is the sort of beauty ideal everyone is trying to achieve here.

I put on around 10 pounds of weight since i last saw my family (I'm now 123 pounds and 5'4 so hardly obese) and have been trying to get rid of it for 10 weeks now following a clean diet and tough fitness regime. Since I got here last Saturday all I heard was disapproval of how much I eat (I only eat around 1400 kcal a day) and that eating this much protein is too bad for you. I'm trying to explain that I need to keep my metabolism going and that eating regular small meals does the trick. What I 'm being told in return is that metabolism is unnecessary. You can just eat less forever and have slower metabolism. I now I'm right but find it difficult to argue my case here, especially after my mom delivered this blow by saying that she thinks I look too muscular and not feminine. She says she likes what I looked like when I was 18 (8 years ago! when I was living on 1 yougurt a day!). Then I was all nice and feminine. She also knows I have PCOS which makes it really difficult to manage weight.

I'm really just on the verge of tears here. I really need some encouragement to keep going, please... I know I'm not as skinny as everyone else seems to be here but am I that bad really?
 
You're on the right track - following their suggestion, your body would enter starvation mode, and you'd never be able to lose anything (or if you did it'd be muscle, not fat) - and more importantly if you did decide to cheat a little, your body would pack on the pounds a lot qucker. Look at the facts - muscle weighs more and takes more calories to maintain than fat. Therefore, adding muscle and reducing fat actually increases your caloric needs for the day, particularly if you're training hard. Your body needs that extra fuel not only to keep going, but also to repair the muscles in rest.

As far as body image, it sounds like there's an old fashioned idea of what it means to be feminine at work here within your family. Being feminine doesn't mean being emaciated anymore - having a properly toned, muscular body is definitely feminine, and shows you take care of it, and you feel better too. Stay the course, hard though it is. When all's said and done, they might be thin, but you'll be the one who's not only thin, but fit as well.
 
hello_kitty,

Keep your chin up. I know you're doing so well and it's all worth it. I am reading a book right now all about finding your true, authentic self. It has some pretty eye opening things in it (at least for me).

You are just fine! Most people make negative comments about you or your appearance ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE LACKING SELF-ESTEEM. I just got rid of someone in my life like that. This person always talked negative towards me and I found myself starting to believe it.

I felt I was one way and this person told me I was another. I must say getting that person out of my life has helped tremendously. Now I am not suggesting you stop talking to your family, but maybe this is an opportunity for you to focus on your thoughts and on you.

Do you think you're not feminine enough? Do you think you're fat? I know you aren't :) People will say hurtful things to make THEMSELVES feel better. Try not to believe it.

You can do this. You have been doing this. You are an absolutely amazing person that is dedicated to achieving physical fitness and health the smart, intelligent and successful way. You are the one on top here.

I am so glad you posted this concern on the board. Truly turn to people that respect and admire what you're doing. Surround yourself with happy and positive people. You'll feel much better.

Now go lift some weights, grrrrl!!!
 
Kitty, keep doing what you are doing. I assure you, you look a hell of a lot better than them boney people. You know what is right, don't listen to bad info. If you're not sure of something, all you have to do is ask us and most likely we'll set you straight. You know you are doing what is right for YOU !! Tell your Mom you like your body the way it is and you feel great. I think if she has any respect for you, she'll leave it at that. Keep up with your healthy life style. Stay strong. You are doing the right things. :)
 
Recently I was getting a bit tired of some women avoiding weights because they want to maintain their anorexic look. They thought they would get too bulky. Little did they know, their misconceptions on weight training were keeping them from getting that toned, sexy look. I could not comprehend why someone would prefer skinny, flabby arms to strong, tight arms. Here's an article trying to break down that myth:

I love what you're doing and I'm positive your body is absolutely beautiful. Your mother maybe stuck in a old-fashioned, traditional mentality of what a "lady should look like." But hopefully, with more and more people like you setting examples, they will shrug off this "skinny is sexy" mentality and finally see what beautiful truly is.

EDIT: Holy cow. I just pretty much said what Stingo said.
 
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Sounds like some of the arguments I get into when I'm at work. For you it's a bigger shame because it's your family :( I feel a lot of sympathy for you right now although I don't have any advice on how to deal with it. I stopped arguing with people who were asking me why I ate all the time (I've only been doing this for a couple months and I'm already sick of all the explanations). Now when people tell me I eat too much or all that protein is bad and and low-carb is bad (just because I watch my carbs I'm suddenly on a low-carb diet :rolleyes: ) I just ignore them because it doesn't matter what I tell them. They don't want to listen or really understand what eating right is so I just shrug my shoulders and say something along the lines of "I guess I'm a pig". If someone actually wants to listen to what I have to say or asks what I'm doing I'm more than happy to explain. I would also love to explain that after a month of doing what I've been doing I went from the weight changes seen on my signature. But that must be incorrect, cause eating small meals throughout the day makes you fat :rolleyes:

And just for the record 1400 cals a day seems low.

~Nicole
 
It sounds like your getting your support you needed. Your doing the right thing, plus every man i know wants a healthy women. wether they prefer a women that is very skinny or has more to love they have never wanted a girl that looks anorexic and I know as far as I'm concerned I love it when a girl isn't afraid to eat. Your active and you work out, you need to eat to help your body rebuild.

keep doing what your doing.
 
Be grateful you don't live there anymore. My dad called yesterday and told me he saw me on TV and I looked fat. As if I didn't know I looked bad. But that was nearly 20lbs ago and things are looking up. The key to this is 'to thine own self be true'... Oh and also 'success is the best revenge'...lol :D

I'm not sure if any of this was moral support.
 
I hate it when relatives say stuff like that. Back when I was like 10. In my chubby days. First off, I'm a kid. Second, they're fat too. Not my parents even. Aunts, uncles, people I barely know. I wish I told them they were fat back then.
 
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This may be my favorite thread ever on this board. It's filled with unity. I'm a bit cheesy so I wanted to post two quotes from a book I read last night:

"To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves." Will Durant

and

"Faced with a crisis, the man of character falls back on himself." Charles De Gaulle

Both quotes popped into my mind when re-reading this thread. Almost each post talks about knowing we are doing the right thing and that's what matters and counts. It's falling back on ourselves in times of questioning :) Good stuff.
 
Guys,

Thank you for all your support on this forum. I really appreciate it and it helps a lot.

I guess my problem is that I grew up with the image of sexy being equal to super skinny and although I don't think like this anymore visiting my family brings up all these emotions again.

I'm stronger now and don't really care what others think of me as long as I feel good about myself and what I do to my body. :)
 
hey hopefully ur not still down on urself. please stay the way u are right now, i know that its hard when people say things to you, but dont listen to them, i think excercising and eating healthy is the best way to be, as long as ur healthy and happy with urself, everything will be alright. when i graduated highschool a number of years ago, i gradually became anorexic, i was not aware of it, until my family members started telling me and started taking pictures of me, and showing me what i look like, i thought i looked great at first, but then my health started to decline, eventually i got back on track, but it was a part of my life, i never want to repeat again, so please dont do anything stupid! im sure ur healthy now and please stay that way, dont listen to the crazy people! lol !
 
Inappropriate Remarks

I'm sorry that happened. Shake it off and don't let it discourage you.

I go through that whenever I have to see relatives and get surrounded by all of that toxic love. They tell me that I'm fat -- they love me--it's good to see me-and I tell them that I love them, love myself, am trying to lose weight and on a strict diet. They ply me with everything I can't eat and act like I offended them when I refuse to eat it--then they insist upon taking pictures.:rolleyes: Which is why I now avoid them or keep the necessary exchanges as brief as possible.

On a similar note I ran into an acquaintance and her husband whom I had not seen in over two years. She'd just had a baby and has gained weight-of course. She was all hugs and dimpled smiles showing off the baby and I told her that she was glowing--- she thought that I said "You've grown!" :confused: I guess people must have been giving her the obnoxious "you're fat!" treatment for her to even think that I would say something that rude to her. And wouldn't that be a case of the pot calling the kettle black since I'm trying to lose at least 100 lbs! The good news is that we live near each other and will start walking together evenings--that's the revenge.:p

Has anyone tried the glide discs? I just bought a set. $20.00. Comes with two dvds. Great all-around, low impact and strength building, intense exercise --especially core, buns and thighs.

Vicki

HollywoodBlvd said:
Be grateful you don't live there anymore. My dad called yesterday and told me he saw me on TV and I looked fat. As if I didn't know I looked bad. But that was nearly 20lbs ago and things are looking up. The key to this is 'to thine own self be true'... Oh and also 'success is the best revenge'...lol :D

I'm not sure if any of this was moral support.
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believe yourself and never loose hope, that's the best thing to do.. it's for you to share it with us, it's a good start, i can see your determination.. so cheer up!!
 
hey
firstly, dont be on the verge of tears its really not a crying matter. im the kind of person whose usually like "yeah whatever i dont care what people say" so i never let myself down. ok im not saying thats a good thing, it makes me very hard to deal with and i know im not always right, but others' opinions cant affect me to the extent that i cry.
secondly, im sure the girls on the beach who are thin arent "anorexic" as u put it, nor "anorexic looking". anorexia is actually much different than u probably think it is. my sister was anoerxic a few years ago and shes barely getting better and i just hate it when people use that term as an insult. so dont say that. its just annoying to someone who has actually seen the stages of that illness and it isnt cool. and like i said those chicks may be thin but they probably arent anorexic.
thirdly, too much protein IS bad for you. i mean, atkins was an idiot like i said to some other person before. and he did have heart failures as a result of his "low carb high protein" diet. u need to find a balance between the two of them. coz carbs r good for u. they give u energy to burn fat. u should have both in every meal. not too much of either. just go moderately with everything. ur right about the eating 5-6 small meals per day thing. thats good. but SMALL meals, mind the word. a meal could be like...an egg with some vegetables along with it. nothing more. we're not talking about an extravaganza on each meal. so keep that in mind. hmm and...exercise. u cant go without it. if ur a good runner (something im not) you should like go and run somewhere. its very good cardio and helps u lose water weight. drinking a lot fo water helps u lose water weight too by the way. u also said ur on the beach..swim then! swimming is an amazing sport. it works every single muscle in ur body. so..go for that. thats about all i can say to ya. good luck.
 
densy88 said:
hey
firstly, dont be on the verge of tears its really not a crying matter. im the kind of person whose usually like "yeah whatever i dont care what people say" so i never let myself down. ok im not saying thats a good thing, it makes me very hard to deal with and i know im not always right, but others' opinions cant affect me to the extent that i cry.
secondly, im sure the girls on the beach who are thin arent "anorexic" as u put it, nor "anorexic looking". anorexia is actually much different than u probably think it is. my sister was anoerxic a few years ago and shes barely getting better and i just hate it when people use that term as an insult. so dont say that. its just annoying to someone who has actually seen the stages of that illness and it isnt cool. and like i said those chicks may be thin but they probably arent anorexic.
thirdly, too much protein IS bad for you. i mean, atkins was an idiot like i said to some other person before. and he did have heart failures as a result of his "low carb high protein" diet. u need to find a balance between the two of them. coz carbs r good for u. they give u energy to burn fat. u should have both in every meal. not too much of either. just go moderately with everything. ur right about the eating 5-6 small meals per day thing. thats good. but SMALL meals, mind the word. a meal could be like...an egg with some vegetables along with it. nothing more. we're not talking about an extravaganza on each meal. so keep that in mind. hmm and...exercise. u cant go without it. if ur a good runner (something im not) you should like go and run somewhere. its very good cardio and helps u lose water weight. drinking a lot fo water helps u lose water weight too by the way. u also said ur on the beach..swim then! swimming is an amazing sport. it works every single muscle in ur body. so..go for that. thats about all i can say to ya. good luck.
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Thank you for taking your time to write a reply and I apologise for unintentionally offending you. I also suggest that next time you read a post more carefully and do not jump to conclusions.

I do eat 6 small balanced meals a day and excercise 5-6 days a week. So I'm not eating too much protein. My post was about how some people (even those really close to you) can have very wrong ideas about what is healthy and then try to judge you against these wrong ideas. The problems I'm experiencing with weight are due to hormonal imbalance and not overeating and lack of excercise that you wrongly presume.
 
wtf?? damn...someone's pms'ing. it appears as though u were sooo offended or pissed off at what i said to u before, coz uve tried to sarcastically "get back" at me throughout this writing of urs. well whatever. i dont exactly give two hoots what u say. i wasnt trying to be mean or "jumping to conclusions".... whatever that has to do with anything here, i dont see what conclusion i was jumping to with anything..ANYWAY.....moving on from useless forms of time consumption. hmm..good for you: u eat 6 small meals everyday. im proud. yeah, those who are close to u usually are the ones that have wrong ideas about you...im not a big "family fan" or family oriented person as all my life theyve all annoyed me at some point. it sucks u know..u can choose ur friend but not who u family members are gonna be. anyway, off topic. i didnt wrongly presume that ur weight issues were due to you devouring food every second or of sedentariness....i didnt presume that at all ;) i was just giving u some ideas of my own..trying to be HELPFUL.
hope your hormonal imbalance goes away soon... did u ever think of taking the bc pill? i heard it helps a lot with hormonal imbalances...prevents uterine cancer...and decreases the amount of menstrual pains and the symptoms of PMS... : something u evidenty need.
take it easy.
 
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