Before I start, this is quite a long story. I hope you will read it, because I really could use help and advice.
Since November last year, I have been trying to lose weight - pretty long. It started off easy - eat less junk, cut out sugary stuff, and run. I didn't need to run far, just a small amount, almost every day. It was quite easy, it was not too stressful. I weighed about 89.5kg, or just under 90kg(198.4lbs). I kept at it during the December holidays until school started this year. By the time school started, I had lost 5kg. For the rest of year, I have kept at it, often finding new info and tips, changing my diet and exercise. As I got further, I would do more work. I became fit, so I ran more, added distance and speed. I restricted more calories as I got further. Added in gym in the evening, just home exercises like pushups, nothing too hard. By our mid-year school holidays, I weighed around 65kg, during those holidays I made sure to maintain my weight between 64 and 66kg, which I did, while eating mostly what I wanted, and doing long distance runs, which was new, as I had given up doing a shorter 2 loop run, which I would do with more speed, and do sprints after. After the 3 week holiday, I decided to get back on track. Even though I had lost about 25kg which is really good, and looking slimmer than ever, I was still not entirely happy with my stomach, and some other low features such as lower back. Keeping track of weight was just my way of watching progress. My goal: to get down to about 59 or 60kg. Now I was doing things differently from before - not entirely but somewhat - it's hard to remember why I was doing things differently, but I imagine because I wanted fast results. When trying to lose weight, I always ate quite a small amount, maybe smaller than I really needed to, but during this school term (semester or whatever other countries call it) I restricted my daily diet more than ever. Not only doing this almost every day of the week, also running almost every day, long distance, about 12km, for an hour. It was quite much. I even at one stage, added on to this, started taking carbs out of dinner, such as potatoes and rice, which I had never needed to do before. In 4 days of a week, Monday - Thursday, I could lose a lot of weight, quickly, doing this. The week I remember, when things first started going downhill... I am going to start a new paragraph for this next stage, because this has gotten long (not too much left to go).
So, downhill from there. One week, I was determined. On the Monday morning, I weighed in at 64kg. I intended to destroy the remaining fat. I would follow this strict diet of mine, and run long every afternoon. I can't remember if I was taking out carbs from dinner regularly or not, but either way, it was intense. I hardly had any energy on my runs, which made them really ugly. By Friday morning, I weighed 62kg. I was proud. But that weekend I seriously overate, and by Monday morning, I weighed 63.5kg again. I hated myself for that. So the next week, I did the same thing, now from here my memory is blurry. All I know is that often during the week, I would lose weight, and just gain it back again on the weekend. I never went under 62kg, I always gained back. Eventually, I just broke down (not long ago). I was too stressed. A few times I have decided to stop trying, eat mostly what I want, and exercise a bit less, then I would feel guilty, try again, fail again, and this cycle would repeat. But it became more frequent, now, I've pretty much given up. I do usually my old runs now(short fast, with sprints at end), when I do run, which isnt like everyday. I can't find it in me to try lose weight. I know that I probably failed so much, because I tried too hard, made life too hard for myself, and became too obsessed. But despite knowing that I should instead go on a weight loss scheme that involves easier, slower, less stressful weight loss, I just can't do it. I don't have the same motivation or willpower that I once did. It's like there's something in my mind, that makes it so I just don't want to even try lose weight, thanks to all the stress that I have suffered from.
So... there's my dilemma. I weighed 63kg when I decided that I should definitely atleast take a longer break. That was almost 7 days ago. Now I've gained a bit, last checked in at 64.5kg, but after a day of no exercise, and some pretty high carb consumption at a party. I don't want to gain weight, but I don't want to work hard at anything involving weight really, I think it is my mind that is the problem. My mind just feels... tired... Like it's just sick of trying to lose weight, it's had enough. So, has anyone else had an experience anything like this? Any advice for me? Should I take it easy, rest, perhaps even gain some of the weight back, so that in a while I can be ready to start again, and lose the weight I've gained and more? Because it seems that every time I even try do anything about my weight, I don't last long, I have an emotional breakdown, and I use a sugar binge to cope, which seems to happen more often due to being stressed with trying to lose weight, which I know can't be healthy for me. It seems to me, like being on a weight loss routine for so long, and taking it so greatly seriously, has just made me an emotional wreck. It's messed me up.
So, advice would be amazingly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Since November last year, I have been trying to lose weight - pretty long. It started off easy - eat less junk, cut out sugary stuff, and run. I didn't need to run far, just a small amount, almost every day. It was quite easy, it was not too stressful. I weighed about 89.5kg, or just under 90kg(198.4lbs). I kept at it during the December holidays until school started this year. By the time school started, I had lost 5kg. For the rest of year, I have kept at it, often finding new info and tips, changing my diet and exercise. As I got further, I would do more work. I became fit, so I ran more, added distance and speed. I restricted more calories as I got further. Added in gym in the evening, just home exercises like pushups, nothing too hard. By our mid-year school holidays, I weighed around 65kg, during those holidays I made sure to maintain my weight between 64 and 66kg, which I did, while eating mostly what I wanted, and doing long distance runs, which was new, as I had given up doing a shorter 2 loop run, which I would do with more speed, and do sprints after. After the 3 week holiday, I decided to get back on track. Even though I had lost about 25kg which is really good, and looking slimmer than ever, I was still not entirely happy with my stomach, and some other low features such as lower back. Keeping track of weight was just my way of watching progress. My goal: to get down to about 59 or 60kg. Now I was doing things differently from before - not entirely but somewhat - it's hard to remember why I was doing things differently, but I imagine because I wanted fast results. When trying to lose weight, I always ate quite a small amount, maybe smaller than I really needed to, but during this school term (semester or whatever other countries call it) I restricted my daily diet more than ever. Not only doing this almost every day of the week, also running almost every day, long distance, about 12km, for an hour. It was quite much. I even at one stage, added on to this, started taking carbs out of dinner, such as potatoes and rice, which I had never needed to do before. In 4 days of a week, Monday - Thursday, I could lose a lot of weight, quickly, doing this. The week I remember, when things first started going downhill... I am going to start a new paragraph for this next stage, because this has gotten long (not too much left to go).
So, downhill from there. One week, I was determined. On the Monday morning, I weighed in at 64kg. I intended to destroy the remaining fat. I would follow this strict diet of mine, and run long every afternoon. I can't remember if I was taking out carbs from dinner regularly or not, but either way, it was intense. I hardly had any energy on my runs, which made them really ugly. By Friday morning, I weighed 62kg. I was proud. But that weekend I seriously overate, and by Monday morning, I weighed 63.5kg again. I hated myself for that. So the next week, I did the same thing, now from here my memory is blurry. All I know is that often during the week, I would lose weight, and just gain it back again on the weekend. I never went under 62kg, I always gained back. Eventually, I just broke down (not long ago). I was too stressed. A few times I have decided to stop trying, eat mostly what I want, and exercise a bit less, then I would feel guilty, try again, fail again, and this cycle would repeat. But it became more frequent, now, I've pretty much given up. I do usually my old runs now(short fast, with sprints at end), when I do run, which isnt like everyday. I can't find it in me to try lose weight. I know that I probably failed so much, because I tried too hard, made life too hard for myself, and became too obsessed. But despite knowing that I should instead go on a weight loss scheme that involves easier, slower, less stressful weight loss, I just can't do it. I don't have the same motivation or willpower that I once did. It's like there's something in my mind, that makes it so I just don't want to even try lose weight, thanks to all the stress that I have suffered from.
So... there's my dilemma. I weighed 63kg when I decided that I should definitely atleast take a longer break. That was almost 7 days ago. Now I've gained a bit, last checked in at 64.5kg, but after a day of no exercise, and some pretty high carb consumption at a party. I don't want to gain weight, but I don't want to work hard at anything involving weight really, I think it is my mind that is the problem. My mind just feels... tired... Like it's just sick of trying to lose weight, it's had enough. So, has anyone else had an experience anything like this? Any advice for me? Should I take it easy, rest, perhaps even gain some of the weight back, so that in a while I can be ready to start again, and lose the weight I've gained and more? Because it seems that every time I even try do anything about my weight, I don't last long, I have an emotional breakdown, and I use a sugar binge to cope, which seems to happen more often due to being stressed with trying to lose weight, which I know can't be healthy for me. It seems to me, like being on a weight loss routine for so long, and taking it so greatly seriously, has just made me an emotional wreck. It's messed me up.
So, advice would be amazingly appreciated. Thanks for reading.