My motivation is destroyed by Others.

[Sammich1]

New Member here!

Okay, I'm 20, and over the last year or two I have been gaining weight very slowly, but I never really noticed! I've also been on the injection to control period levels as they are dire, and my nurse and my GP are concerned that it along with my lack of exercise has caused me to gain even more weight.

So, stats, I'm 20, I'm around 12.5 stone, but seem to fluctuate between 12.5 and 12st, annoyingly, so my BMI is apparently just over the 30.0 mark (had a few sources say 29). But no excuses, source or not, I'm overweight.

The bigger problem is, my aim is to apply for the RAF, only due to .. lets say a not-so-encouraging git of a father who loves to enjoy the pleasure of destroying any ambitions or dreams that I have over the past five years; My confidence and self-esteem have been thus destroyed. Once I get it back, he takes it away and its not a situation I can walk out of, as I am dependant on living at home at the moment, and that cannot change.
Basically, my dad who is big himself but says he has muscle (its not.) will basically tell me everytime I get motivation or ambition I LACK ambition. Short story, he uses manipulation to make me and my brothers think that forgetting what we want in life, anything we do, is to prove our worth to him.

So, I need to get to a BMI of 27, maximum, before I can apply. And in my current situation, it is imperative I achieve this as quickly as possible before I again lost motivation and drive.

I managed to join a 24 hour gym before christmas but due to confidence, and thus self-esteem, I find it near impossible to go on my own, but lack a gym-buddy. I have been ONCE. And that was a 5 hour visit.

I know what to eat, and I know how to exercise. My problem is, I just don't.
That and I don't know how to truly 100% focus on losing weight and toning up.
The other issue is my parents, who are these people who like to think they're healthy, saying that because the Chinese are thin, they must eat healthily, so they like to depend on Chinese sauces, it is difficult to keep on a healthy diet, or sometimes I'll just say 'I'm not hungry' and MISS the main meal somedays.

I need advice, and I have no clue where to start! I feel like I'm in a vicious circle, and I really really need out.

 

[Emerald1]

I suggest that you read this thread called "Dealing with Criticism"
http://weight-loss.fitness.com/topic/46508-dealing-criticism.html

Criticism is hard to deal with especially when it comes from people we love. Sometimes it hurts more because of this.

Focus and remember that you need to do this for you. No one else has to live your life but you. So while they are making you feel so bad that you stay away from the gym, critique you so much that you have low confidence or decide not to eat, who will inevitably have to deal with the consequences? You. So you take control of your life for yourself and strive to meet your goal.

Even though this person is family, you can't let him get to you to the point that your one body is not allowed to improve. This is the only body you have. Ignore what others say and take care of it. For you.

 

[SparkyD]

Hi Sam,

I can understand that having someone constantly bring you down is going to knock your confidence and motivation, but who are you losing weight for, you or them?

Now I know for a fact that it is easy for me to sit here and say just don't listen to them, but I also know that isn't easy.

My advice is to write down your goals, both in terms of how much you want to lose and what that will enable you to do. Set them out in black and white, and every time someone tries to undermine what you are doing get them out. Remind yourself why you are trying to lose weight and what it'll mean to you to hit your goal.

I hope this advice is useful. From what you have written it seems that the people that are bringing you down are in worse shape than you, so who are they to judge?! And clearly you know that, but you just need to remind yourself of that fact.

Also, now you are on this forum, if ever you lose some motivation post something. I am sure someone will pop up with a bit of a pep talk!

On the subject of missing meals, bad idea! Your body needs fuel, especially if you are exercising, so just eat less.

Let us know how you get on.

 

[Iain1974]

Motivation comes from within. Not from others.

Focus on what you are doing any why. People whio put such effort into bringing others down are only displaying their own insecurity and jealousy of your drive and ambition. As such they don't deserve your attention.

 

[Hova1]

Use the haters to your advantage. If that was me next time he said something I'd type it up and stick it on my wall, then I'd wake up and read it everyday. Then go and prove him wrong.

 

[Emerald1]

This quote was posted by one of our members today. Her name is Cate.

"If it is to be,
It is up to me."
~William H Johnson.

 

[Sammich1]

Sorry for the delayed reply! I have been terribly ill with a virus lately but Im back
I just want to say, I really am thankful for all the kind words you folks have said here, on this, and you guys have genuinely helped me with the criticism, and as SparkyD said it does come from someone in far worse shape than I.
Luckily, i have since been talking to my mum, who is actually recieving the same harsh words from him as I am. She's the same weight as me, nearly identical in measurements too now but is 55, only we are both helping each other and comparing our losses together, which makes it easier on the both of us. But of course, as soon as she says 'We're going swimming' or something, my dad will jump in and TELL her and seemingly do his best to convince her that she's too old to lose weight and start doing swimming or cycling. Thing is, it works, and she doesn't go. I think now we are making a change though. She wants it, and I need it. I have since I posted this lost weight and have gotten my bmi down to 29.51 Which is still in the overweight mark, but is better than 30.95! I am really pleased, I'm just worried i may slip.

So current standings I'm at around 12stone 4 lb, ish but i'm still stuck on the best exercises to get rid of my weight safely but as fast as possible? As you can probably guess, I really need to get out of this house, and I need to lose the weight to do so.

At my immediate disposal, I have a cross-trainer thing (like a running machine?), we have one of those all-body vibrating machines which I dont really know if theres any truth in weight loss on those, and I dont think I'll even mention the wii-fit, haha.

 

[ChefChiTown]

I'm 20

The bigger problem is, my aim is to apply for the RAF, only due to .. lets say a not-so-encouraging git of a father who loves to enjoy the pleasure of destroying any ambitions or dreams that I have over the past five years; My confidence and self-esteem have been thus destroyed.

You're 20 years old. It's time to stop letting your father control the way you feel about yourself.

I was like you in that sense when I was about that age. Unfortunately, I let it get to me. My family hounded me to 'do something' with my life, as if what I was doing wasn't good enough for them. I had a job, I was making money, I was good at what I was doing and I was happy. Yet, instead of supporting my success and happiness, they indirectly told me I wasn't good enough.

"You should go back to school. You need to go back to school to make something of yourself."

"You need to go to culinary school. You love cooking and you're good at it, so you need to go to culinary school and become a chef. Don't waste your talent and don't waste your life."

"You need to move away from home. Get out there and experience the world. It's time to leave your home and go somewhere else."

Blah blah blah. All I heard was commands. All I felt was disappointment. My family made me feel like the person I was at the time wasn't good enough for them. And, I let it get to me. I ended up giving into what THEY wanted - I moved away from my hometown, I headed out to Chicago, enrolled in culinary school and began the life that THEY wanted me to have. But, it wasn't the life that I wanted me to have. And, because of that, I ended up hurting myself.

Doing something to please your parents (or family) is a mistake. You are now 20 years old - it's time to say, "FUCK YOU, DAD!!! I LIKE ME!!!" It's easier said than done (trust me, I know), but it's time to stop allowing yourself to be controlled by what your father says.

Don't let his words demotivate you. And, don't make any life decisions just because his words hurt you. Take a step back, take a deep breath and let it go. Don't choose your future path based on what your father makes you feel - choose your future path based on what you want.

Once I get it back, he takes it away and its not a situation I can walk out of, as I am dependant on living at home at the moment, and that cannot change.

He doesn't take it away - you give it to him.

You need to start fighting. You aren't helpless. Put up a fight and stop handing your confidence over to your father.

Basically, my dad who is big himself but says he has muscle (its not.) will basically tell me everytime I get motivation or ambition I LACK ambition. Short story, he uses manipulation to make me and my brothers think that forgetting what we want in life, anything we do, is to prove our worth to him.

You want to prove your worth to him? Then show him that you are an independently thinking adult who isn't going to be bullied around by somebody else. Suck it up, fight his negativity and live your life the way YOU want to.

He tells you that you lack ambition? Then prove him wrong and start using your ambition (which you obviously do have) to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Don't quit on your life goals and go to run and hide from the way your father makes you feel by joining the Royal Air Force - go do what you really want to do. Dig deep, fight through the negativity that your father makes you feel and use your ambition to walk down the road that you want to walk down.

You can't let your father's negativity change your life. And, if you join the RAF just because you want to run away from how he makes you feel, then you are letting him win. And, if you want to prove your worth to him, you can't let that happen.

It's time to fight. For your father's respect, for your future, for your health, for yourself...for your life.

There will always be negativity in the world. The key is to accept it - accept it, but don't let it control you.

 

[PLB]

At my immediate disposal, I have a cross-trainer thing (like a running machine?), we have one of those all-body vibrating machines which I dont really know if theres any truth in weight loss on those, and I dont think I'll even mention the wii-fit, haha.

Not sure about the vibrating machine... they seem to be popular, but I haven't heard any positive feedback about them yet. But the cross-trainer and the wii fit - if you have 'em, use 'em In terms of aerobic exercise, it's hard to get an intense workout from the wii fit, but who cares? Anything that gets you up and moving will help you! And you can set up a strength training program... what's the difference between doing a body weight routine on your own or in front of the wii? It might not be the best in terms of intensity and variety, but it's certainly better than doing nothing

I'm sorry to hear that you're in a predicament in terms of support... is there anyone outside of your household that you can go to for support? A friend or co-worker or someone?