My diary <3

I had a personal training session. We did cardio as usual and I was wrecked. I woke up with a weird feeling in my chest like a chest infection is on it's way. I hope not. I currently have a massive headache and feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Eating has been good
Breakfast - Left over dinner (veggie soup with some sausage in it. I really didn't feel like fish or chicken so i had a pork sausage instead)
Snack - Blueberry muffin from muffin break
Snack - Bowl of watermelon
Lunch - a massive salad
Dinner - I'm in the process of cooking it. Will be mince and veggie curry thingie I might have some toast with it.

Ever since valentines day Josh has been rather distant. He used to talk to me in the mornings and then call me around 4pm. Now he barely responds to txts and won't call me until about 6-7:30pm and even then barely speaks to me. I hope our argument on the weekend isn't a major factor in his distance. It really has me worried, I hope everything is ok with him and us.
 
Today started out ok. felt sick but meh. then found out my guy is becoming distant because he doesn't know whats wrong and isn't sure if he loves me or even wants to see me in septembter. My main reason for getting fit and my source of motivation has now become uncertain. I'm heart broken and have completely lost my appetite and drive.

I feel deep down he still loves me and I'm hoping he is just confused with all the stress in his life. But i'm still terrified.
 
Josh and I are still rocky but i'm trying to fight for us, every couple goes through rough patches I'm hoping ours will sort itself out. I have already made steps these past few months to fix my issues so *fingers crossed* here hoping it all works out for the best. I love him dearly and I really don't want to lose him.

With my relationship issues my diet and exercise has taken a massive hit. No I'm not binging on junk and crap (pepsi max and Jim Beams sound great right now) I have unfortunately dropped into extremely low calorie intake and it seems i have doubled my workouts (working out until physical exhaustion overrides the emotional pain) I know it's unhealthy but the thought of eating or chewing and swallowing makes me sick I'm forcing myself to eat and today only managed to fit 638 calories into my body but I worked out and burned 738 (according to the machines calorie counters) I would have gone to an aqua aerobics class as well but i'm so broke right now i couldn't afford to get into the pool :(

My confidence has plummeted into non exsistance. I'm now worried I won't lose anything for my weigh in tomorrow :(
 
TikTak said:
Hang in there! :grouphug:
Click to expand...

Thank you Tik Tak <3

I had my weigh in i was down 1.5kg but i remembered i had my phone in my bra lol so probably closer to 2kg but i'm sticking to what the scale said so I'm happy with that.

Josh has decided to continue fighting and stick out the rough patch. I'm slightly happier but still scared.
 
After the fun run we had a bbq breakfast i ate too much bread, 2 slices is too much it made me sick.

Breakfast - 2 slices multigrain bread 1 bacon rasher 1 egg (355 cal)
Snack - I over ate at breaky so i didn't snack also it was a late breaky
Lunch - leftover mince, leek and carrot plus a salad (228 cal)
Snack - Chocolate covered goji berries (112 cal)
Dinner - Satay chicken with tomato mushrooms and cauliflower (325 cal)

Total calories: 1020
Minus Exercise: 600

Not perfect but better than yesterdays
Total Calories: 683
Minus Exercise: -55
 
Things are getting better. Josh is becoming warmer to me and I have learned some lessons from this whole experience.
I'll be heading to the gym soon looking forward to working out :D again.

Breakfast - Slice of multigrain toast 2 rashers of bacon (the eye part no fat) and a poached egg YUM! I kinda treated myself to the bacon I'm running low on veggies and I miss my spinach :( I'm definitly looking forward to payday!
 
My eating has been terrible. I'm to scared to even think about how many calories i have eaten. Today I have FORCED myself to eat.

Breakfast - 1 slice multigrain toast pb and honey
Lunch - 6inch Turkey sub at subway
Dinner - Chicken and veggie soup (was mostly stock but still a lot of veggies)
post dinner snack - slice of multi grain toast with pb and honey
2 600mL diet cokes. I was feeling drowsy and thought caffine could help.

I have been getting 3-4 hours sleep so I'm just always tired.

Josh and I are still on the rocks but he has opened up to me more and has confessed to still needing our nightly ritual. I have come to the conclusion he is upset, confused, scared, stressed and I'm going to be there for him. But i'm going to stop pushing the I loves yous and desperate I need you and being generally overly clingy. I have spent today shopping!!!! I'm proud to say this I AM DOWN 1-2 DRESS SIZES!!!! 22-24 down to 18-22 I even went to a regular clothing store today just to check it out. I saw a cute little black dress as i looked through the rack i'm like 8,8,8,8,10,10,10,10,16 OMG 16! So i held it up to my body and was like hmmm maybe... So I ask Mum about it and she was like OMG i love that dress. So i decided to try it on. I mean if it doesn't fit now it probably will in a couple weeks so I went to the dressing room. Tried it on. IT FUCKING FIT!!! A regular Australian size 16 dress actually fit me. I a fat girl for all my i care what i wear life. now owns an item of regular size clothing. Not plus size it's regular!!!! I cannot believe it. I know it's a big 16 and is stretchy fabric. But it's regular clothing and it's not an omg i can just squeeze into it it fits soo nice!! Words cannot describe this feeling. I feel like Australian size 10 is within my grasp :D I feel like a new person!
 
Hey you just read your diary.

First of all - well done in fitting into a normal size dress!! woohooo! :party:
i know how good it feels!:coolgleamA:
Wasnt it your goal for september?
you are doing so well! dont give up!

then about your motivation - it is of course cool- that you wanna look good in September when u are to go to see your boyfriend. Do yourself a favour do it for you!! :)
I know how hard it is to have a long distance relationship - sort of in your shoes - and with about the same distance - and it could realy get me down - but dont pick up junk food - hit the gym instead - that s what i do - i really had to learn from my mistakes too.

Hug
 
Justina said:
Hey you just read your diary.

First of all - well done in fitting into a normal size dress!! woohooo! :party:
i know how good it feels!:coolgleamA:
Wasnt it your goal for september?
you are doing so well! dont give up!

then about your motivation - it is of course cool- that you wanna look good in September when u are to go to see your boyfriend. Do yourself a favour do it for you!! :)
I know how hard it is to have a long distance relationship - sort of in your shoes - and with about the same distance - and it could realy get me down - but dont pick up junk food - hit the gym instead - that s what i do - i really had to learn from my mistakes too.

Hug
Click to expand...

Hi justina thanks for visiting my diary.
I haven't picked up junk food I have lost my appetite and have barely eaten anything. A slice of toast and maybe a salad or veggie soup. Even though my changes were inspired from being embarrassed by not being healthy enough to keep up with Josh's athletic stamina then in December I had an emotional break down and January I became more determined than ever. I have found even with the issues Josh and I have I still hit the gym. I still don't reach for junk food though not eating is probably just as bad as a tonne of empty calories.
 
hey you, my mistake about the junk food - i misread you. :angelsad2:
yeah guess not eating just as bad...i think many of us go through some hard time. i know i have - and yup - its not easy. but by not eating you are not helping yourself. i really do understand how you feel. (i think as per the similarity)
Well done on still going to the gym!! Under the circumstances you are doing really well! :hurray:
but try to eat more - eating well could even put you in a better mood.
Remember you wanted to be healthy - that s how you started - & that s where you re heading!!

hugs :grouphug:
 
Ok so I'm back.

Josh broke up with me, I spent a week getting drunk and taking a break to reevaluate my life and goals so my eating hasn't been ideal. We are still friends.

I am unsure of my weight loss goals now since i don't have a medium term goal in September. But i still have my end goal. I'm just going to focus on fitness and healthy eating and see how I go. I might find another goal while soul searching haha!
 
Sorry to hear about your break up. Good to hear that you are still focused on losing weight though. You can do it! :hurray:
 
hey lovely Pixie
First of all WELCOME BACK!!!!
Sorry about the break up :grouphug:
We are behind you!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
 
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