Musicalgirl's Weight Loss Journey

musicalgirl

musicalgirl

New member
I've had a recent attack of the overwhelmed's and the disappointed in myself's lately, so I've decided I REALLY need to document this so I don't get so down on myself.


I've gained back some of the weight I've already lost, mostly because I got so terrified of being a healthy normal weight than I just tried to cover myself in some of the fat I've lost. I'm disappointed, but I know that I just need to get past these mental blocks and get back on track.


I've always been fat, I'm afraid that I won't know how to live my life as a healthy, normal person. I'm used to not being noticed and safely covered in fat. If I don't put myself out there, I can't get hurt, right??

Blah. I'm prepping all my healthy food tonight and putting my gym shoes next to the door. NO EXCUSES! This is my life and I need to start living it the way I want to.


Highest Weight -280


Lowest weight - 209


Current weight - 235 :(


I need to get back on track before I gain it ALL back. So frustrated that I let it happen at all. BLAH!!
 
Today is my food prep day. I'm freezing most of it. My major excuse for eating bad food is not having anything healthy in the house. Not anymore!!


I'm making:

- marinated chicken breasts

-Brown rice with corn, peas and spinach.

-roasted garlic hummus.

-sweet potato fries

-homemade salad mix and dressing.

-marinated scallops and shrimp.

-buckwheat banana muffins.

-garlic asparagus.

-snacking vegetables.


It's been a busy day, but it will get done. Still very frustrated with myself for sliding and gaining some weight back. I need to overcome the urge to eat away this sadness and frustration. I'm trying to work through it with exercise and food prep to distract myself. Bah.
 
hey! I get the being fat is a safety net...because i think there are things that stops me loosing weight. When I am fat In someways i think i feel less people look at me, i dont get attention from men or other women. and i tell myself if i am fat then that is an excuse to hide away and not face my fears of the world! And just like you said when i have tried to loose weight in the past i get to so much, get scared, put it back on again and more in my case!


good luck with it! im also just having healthy foods in too it really helps. :)
 
Hello and welcome


I applaud your resolve to get back on plan.


Your food looks yummy...just don't eat it all at once! ha ha
 
Thanks for your replies!

Tink - I know that a lot of my weight problems are linked to my emotions with eating and being overweight. I've never ever been small. If I lose all my weight, I'll be getting attention that I've never got before. I don't know how I'd feel if guys started looking at me or if girls started to see me as competition. I just wish I knew how to get rid of my fat-girl mentality, ha ha. A lot of people who have never been overweight can't understand why I would "chose" to be overweight, or once I started losing weight, why I would regress back.


Brawny77- Thanks for your support! I'll try to resist eating all my yummy food at once. That's how I got in the mess in the first place!



Today my goal is to go to the gym. If I'm only eating right and skip the gym, I don't feel like I'm giving it my all. I find it always helps me if I work out around supper. My "weak times", diet wise, is between 4 and 7 pm. If I'm going to cheat, it will be at supper. With something terrible. I find fitting in the gym and planning exactly what I'll eat when I get back helps me. I also can't cheat BEFORE I go to the gym because I like to run and all that bad food in my tummy is not a good running friend.


I need to get back into the habit of the gym around 6. My gym has some nice classes in the evenings that I enjoy, but I feel intimidated sometimes if I haven't worked out in a while. It doesn't take long to lose fitness, I'm just hoping it doesn't take long to get it back.


I'm afraid of failure, but I'm more afraid of success. I need to fix this. I WILL fix this.
 
Well done for putting a stop to regaining the weight before it got out of hand. I have dropped weight a couple times before and watched it all come back before putting a stop to it.


The food prep is a huge step in the right direction, making it convenient to eat healthy foods is super important as convenience usually wins out.


Looking forward to following your goals and progress.
 
Yesterday was a terrible day, mood wise. I was very busy with school and was very emotional about some things that happened there. In spite of this, I had a fantastic day food wise, and ate exactly on program. Unfortunately I couldn't work out, but I was on my feet running all day for various things in school and so at least I wasn't sitting down the whole time.


School is a little overwhelming right now and I'm feeling inadequate in some of the classes and projects. On the bright side, I've been too busy to mindlessly eat. I have an essay to write today and I'm hoping that I won't get too stressed out about it. Today, because of the things that happened yesterday, I'm feeling quite down on myself. I've been berating myself; I am truly my own harshest critic. Because of this, I've had negative thoughts about my worthiness in terms of my diet. I've been eating very well, according to plan, but I've been haven't allowed myself any leeway. Instead of this being self-control, I know that it's a matter of me not feeling worthy of anything else. I'm doing the right thing, but for the wrong reasons.


At least this has only been going on for a day, and I am aware of it and am working hard to make sure it doesn't become a pattern.
 
Good job on the eating...and...if there is any way you can squeeze a little exercise into your day, I bet the endorphins will make ya feel better too!


hang in there...if you can string a few good days together you can get on a roll!
 
Thanks for the support, Brawny! There is a yoga class tonight that I'm planning on going to. It wont be as vigorous as I usually work out, but I'm really not in the mind space to do my usually hard workouts. I need something more mind/body connecting instead of punishing, ha ha.
 
Much better day yesterday and today.


Worked out really hard both days and have been doing really well food wise.


Yesterday I was tempted with free all you can eat pizza. I knew I had to get out of there, so I went home and made myself a quinoa crust veggie pizza instead and felt very self controlled, ha ha.
 
Nervous and stressed out today. I just got an appointment date for my surgery. I would love to eat the stress away but instead I'm going to run it out and read a book. *Calmblueocean, calmblueocean, calmblueocean*
 
Clothes are fitting better, but my scale is broken. I'm trying not to read too much into a fat girl with a broken scale, ha ha ha. I'm feeling decidedly optimistic. Last weeks blues are gone and I lasted through them without caving in.


Measurements this week are


Bust - 41


Smallest part of waist - 35


Bellybutton - 41


Hips - 50



I've got junk in the trunk, but hopefully that'll just mean a nice small waist when I get to goal, ha ha. Right??
 
Good work fighting through your blue week.


Ok since your handle is musicalgirl...do you play an instrument?


I bet you have some motivational songs that get ya movin.
 
Thanks Brawny!

As for music, I sing and play piano and guitar, but I'm starting the violin right now, because you're never too old to annoy your neighbours, ha ha. My music of choice would have to be 60's and 70's music of all kinds. I'm a crazy Beatles fan; no bad day is a match for Can't Buy Me Love, I say!
 
Midterm this afternoon. Ugh.


I woke up early to go to the gym, so I would be awake and ready for a last minute cram session. Ran/jogged/walked 2.21 miles in half an hour and lifted weights, focusing on arms and back today.


Had a banana protein smoothie for breakfast, lunch I have packed grapes, broccoli and carrots with hummus and tomato basil soup. For supper, I have chicken, spinach and brown rice planned.


I've found that tea is helping me stay on track. I go to a loose leaf tea shop and get all the delish flavours, it feels like a zero calorie treat.


Speaking of zero calories, I was reading Brawny's posts, you had a list of zero calorie things you love and I decided to try it too. Props to Brawny for the idea!

-Walks at sunset.

-The sound of the ocean.

-Listening to music that moves me.

-A good belly laugh.

-Nail polish art.

-Watching my favourite movies.

-Talking to friends I haven't seen in a while.

-Walking through a forest in the summer and feeling like I'm in Lord of the Rings.

-Learning things I never knew.

-Playing with my niece and nephew.

-Watching cartoons from my childhood, when no one is watching.

-Learning new languages.


Ahhh, with that in mind, I can take on the world! This is my time, I will get to my goal, because I deserve it.
 
Blah. I've been having some health issues, and have been MIA for a while. Back on track now. Diet goals for this week are to eat more healthy fats, drink more water and eat only foods which can be found in nature, nothing processed, and eat the raw option of a food when possible. Raw nuts, veggies, etc. Exercise goals are to run an extra .25 of a mile without stopping by the end of the week.
 
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