Motovation Needed - Cassies Diary

xoxcassxox

xoxcassxox

New member
I have been pokeing around this website for about a year now and have never posted so I thought its time to start.

I am a yoyo dieter but always gain more then I lose.

I tipped the scales at 251.2lbs. I need to do something before It gets worse. I’m so cranky at myself for putting on so much weight! I need to know when enough’s enough and that’s now.

Being overweight makes me feel like crap. I never go out to meet anyone anymore. My self esteem these days is none existent. I’m only 22 years old and have been overweight most my life. I don’t want to be this way for the rest of my life and I want to do it while I’m still young!

So I thought I’d keep a journal to write in. Maybe not everyday but when I need motivation. So Cassie (yes I know third person but I’m weird), Good Luck! You want this SO much. JUST DO IT!

x0x Cassie x0x

stats:

Age: 22
Height: 5ft5
Start Weight: 251.2 lbs
Goal Weight: 154 lbs
Current Weight: 245.1 lbs
 
Welcome to the forum.
Support and encouragement are always available here.

Looks like you're off to a great start!
Good luck to you on this journey!
 
Thanks heaps for the welcome :)

Ok So were I know I go wrong all the time is go from eating a very high fat diet to eating a very low fat diet. That never works as I constanly crave my "bad" foods. And I gotta remmeber this isnt just a "diet" its a lifestyle change. Something that i'm going to need to stick to for the rest of my life! So I need to find a happy medium. This time i'm starting small... small changes. The 6lbs ive lost so far were easy because Im not dipriving myself of anything.

The changes so far:

Old Breakfast - 3 or 4 peices of toast with HEAPS of butter and peanut butter
New Breakfast - Cereal with light milk

My Morning tea (10am)- has stayed the same - Choc youghut(lowfat) and banana

Old Lunch - Hot dinner with heaps of mashed potote and basic bad stuff then sweats like chocolate or icecream or potote chips
New lunch- Sandwhich with meat cheese and tomotoe

Old Dinner - Useally meat with hots chips or pototo and when I did had vege they would be soaked in Butter. Sometimes I just ate meat.
New Dinner - Small bit of chicken with vege (no butter) and a nice sauce over it.

Old Dessert - Would be nothing for me to eat an entire packet of biscuts after dinner.
New Dessert - Nothing!

Now This is my monday to friday guied. On the weekends I useally only eat 3 meals a day and if I feel like something bad then the weekend is when i'll have it but I don't have as much as I use to. e.g Hungry Jacks (burger king) I'd have 2 whoopers with cheese now i'd have 1.

I HATE exercise but have been doing 20mins on my treadmill a day. 20mins is better then 0 mins! That seems do-able at the moment. I get sick of things easily so if I pushed myself to much I'd get jack of it and quit it all together.

So my diets not great but because its improved so much its enough for me to be loseing weight without feeling like im "dieting".

x0x Cassie x0x
 
Hey! Welcome to the forum. I've just joined too and there are alot of supportive people on here. Good luck with your weight loss. Stay motivated!
 
Well one week down and still going strong and I have manage to stick to my excersize all week which is a HUGE achivement for me!

The weekend looms tommorow and they are always harder because theres always access to food :( just gotta try and keep busy.

Oh the worst thing happend this morning when I went down to the shops.... once a year... I get an addiction that comes over me so bad it hurts... the curse of the cadbury creme eggs.... thank god they only come out near easter but still I eat enough to do me for the whole year anyways. So for the next 3 months i'll be tempted by them. I'll aim for 1 every friday :) it's nothing for me to eat up to 5 a day. Need to be strong!!! arrrrrr......

Reading these forums are so encouraging! It's nice to know i'm not the only one in this boat and i'm not alone. Also none of my friends and family know what I weigh so its good to get that off my chest knowing I won't be judged here. I also have very little understanding of lb's so putting my weight in lb's helps! (I use a kg to lb converter)

x0x Cassie x0x
 
ok so todays challange was getting threw it without stuffing myself. Because I dont work weekends they are so much harder being home all day so i'm trying to keep myself busy.
Thinking about riding to my grandmas (shes not actually that far away but better then driving). My only problem bike seats are NOT made for big butts! The ol' bike seat is not my friend. lol

Oh I caved and had another cadbury creme egg :( still better then 3+ I woulda had before!
Feel free to leave any tips on how you all over come that craving feeling that wont go away! :(

x0x Cassie x0x
 
Had a terrible day today.............. Had a few to many alcholic beverages last night and spent most the day sick as a dog :( only managed to have one feed today and that was a huge meal of take away chinese. So bad :(

Oh well its gunna happen from time to time. Just need to get back on track tommorow!

x0x Cassie x0x
 
Well have been sticking my my excersize which is great! So hungry at the moment so I thought i'd write here to distract myself as I still have 30mins til I can start on lunch.

If anybodys actually reading this... I was just wondering... when you've been eating properly for awhile, does it get easyer? Or is everyday a struggle? Like what I mean is that i'm contantly thinking about what i'm going to eat next and its really annoying. I just wanna eat right without having to think about it 24/7. It makes it harder.

x0x Cassie x0x
 
hey Cassie

I think when you find the right amount and TYPES of foods it gets easier. I know when I have been doing right for some time then it gets easier and I am not always thinking about food. When I am letting myself do whatever I want (in a bad way) or trying to be overly strict or follow a food plan that doesnt work for me then I am thinking about it all the time!!!! If you find yourself famished before it is time to eat try more complex carbs (whole wheat) and more protein so you dont dip your bloodsugar before it is time to eat again, this is teh only thing that works for me.

I am just starting back out so I thought I would give another newer journal a shout out. take care!
 
xoxcassxox said:
If anybodys actually reading this... I was just wondering... when you've been eating properly for awhile, does it get easyer?

x0x Cassie x0x
Click to expand...

Just like eating naughty things becomes habit...

Eating correctly will in time become habit as well.

Just stick with it.

Not to say you'll never of moments of backsliding.

But it gets easier.

You're doing great so far!

Keep it up!
 
arr a 22 year old habit... hmm... well maybe not that long... ive always been chubby but since starting cooking for myself quiet some time ago and having money to buy food doesnt help!

ohohoh and I was soooooooooooooo good today I went to buy salad things for lunch and DIDNT buy a cabury creme egg!!! YAY of course they HAVE to be right at the counter as your paying for your things... so its always hard.

Thanks for the replys! :)
 
LOL Cassie the dreaded cream egg… My thoughts get totally focused on food as well when I first start the best way to combat that is to do a one week menu. Good luck this week, by the way I’m from Q.L.D.
 
lol thanks for the reply rosered!

Well my thoughts of today......... excersize!!!!!!!!!! oh god..... I didnt do my 20mins yesterday or today :( For some reason i'm feeling so bloody tired all the time. I think it maybe my bodyclock ajusting to my 2pm til 10pm work shift because im not getting to sleep til after 12am and my bed time is useally 9:30pm. I have a bad feeling we may be going back to the day shift for a week...ill be pissed off if they do that.

Well I do work in a nursey (we grow trees) and lately Ive been given a VERY phyisical job were im constantly moving for 7.6 hrs. Maybe my bodys over doing it...I dunno

goooooooooood I just REALLY hate excersize. It NEVER makes me feel good. I was going to the gym for like 2-3months awhile back and i'd get home and be stuffed for the rest of the afternoon. Everyone else is like "aw I feel so great after going to the gym" .......well not me and its not like I over do it.

On a much better note I havnt had any bad cravings for like hot chips or naughty take aways....which is strange...but good!!!

Thats my gripe for the day.

x0x Cassie x0x
 
Well yay it's "Happy Friday" today!

I was so good...I got my cabury creme egg that I have wanted all week but am limiting them til fridays... I grabbed 2... then my consious got the better of me and I put the other one back!!! Yay for me!!!

xox Cassie x0x
 
I come and bow my head in shame after this weekends efforts. :( No excersize and the food intake was bad. I had an unimentionable amount of cadbury creme eggs.... amongst other things........ prob put on 3lbs just this weekend.

The thing that gives me the shits is I didnt even really feel like the food I had... I was just to lazy to cook and bored... I think boredem plays a HUGE issue in my eating habbits.

I feel awful now... this weekends binge will probably undo a whole weeks worth of being good. I hate me sometimes :( I wish I could kick my own arse...with a really big shoe..... I need it.

x0x Cassie x0x
 
Hey! It happens to all of us. I'll have really good days and days where I'm sitting in class and I think "MM I really want french fries and chicken nuggets." The key is definitely moderation -I feel that when I totally eliminate foods I like, I end up thinking about them more anyway! :) Go ahead and have an alcoholic drink, or a cadbury egg or two. Just don't do it too often. ;)

I know it's discouraging when you fall off the wagon but really, just start over again. YAY GOOD LUCK!
 
Ok jesus... where do I start....

So its been like 2... maybe 3 weeks since my last post. Ive hit a snag BIG time. This ALWAYS happens and I feel so pissed off for letting this happen!

The shitty thing is I havent even really craved anything but just ate it for the sake of eating. I dont understand why. I hate me for doing this! Getting back on track is so hard esp to know ive gained the weight I lost and will have to start again! ARRRR

I cant express the anger that I feel towards myself. And the shitty part is I will probably do it again. I know everyone says you need will power, but when I get it, it ALWAYS only lasts a few weeks!

I wanna be slim more then anything in this world... why can't I just do it???? It's so hard.

I was reading a facebook group that were "against fat people" and they said we "choose" to be this way and we need to just stop eating... "simple" they say. I wish those people would get fat to relise it's not that simple. Food is an addiction. And unlike booze,drugs and smokes... we need food to survive... we can't just "give it up"... we have to make 3 choices a day and they are hard sometimes.

anyways as of tommorow i'm trying again. For the millionth time! Wish me luck because I need every bit of it I can get!!

x0x Cassie x0x
 
ok so im onto my 3rd day starting back after 3 weeks off. It's good so far.

Next week challanges is my shift is changing again back to normal, which gets my body out of wack and I start getting hungry when I shouldnt be hungry.... oh well see how it goes :)

God I wish I could just eat whatever and be skinny.... I dont mean junk food, I just mean I wish I automatically just ate the right things. Like I see heaps of people not even giving a second thought what they put in thier mouths wether it be healthy or unheathy and they are skinny as and have been forever. So not fair!

x0x Cassie x0x
 
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