Mesmerizing
New member
Good morning 
I can say that I have been around this site for quite a while and actually tried with keeping a diary and a special diet regime a few times but both times fell behind and soon gave up. With years on unsuccessful weight loss behind me it is hard to keep yourself on track when in your subconscience there are all these memories of past attemps and failures and somewhere deep you can't really tell the difference between this time and all those others that resulted with no changes.
This past year was a really life-changing one for me in many ways.
I became a foreign exchange student in August of 2006. and left my family and friends to go and live in the U.S. for a year. When I found out about the scholarship in April 2006. I found myself in a circle of a really weird behavior. Even though I was extremely excited about it all I started binging and gained 7 kg (15 lbs) in two and a half months. I was always very conscient about my weight and always wanted to lose some believing that is the solution to all my problems, and gaining 15 lbs in such a short time was horrible. Somehow as the time for my departure approached I stopped binging and in that last month at home and the following one in the States I lost weight and came down to 69.5 kgs (153 lbs). I was eclectic! Than everything changed. Somehow, without me even being aware of it, the binging returned. I was eating everything and anything. And sometimes I threw up because I felt guilty for over-eating and scared I will gain weight. It became a vicious cycle I found myself trapped in, away from my family and friends in a country where, al though I had many people I cared about and who cared about me, I was alone. By the time I was heading home I weighted 176 lbs! All my fellow exchange students gained weight but this was... huge. Being overweight to start with, I looked and felt terrible.
When I came back home everybody made comments on my weight gain and the fact I couldn't fit in any of my clothes before was depressing. I remember how much I freaked out when my scale was hitting 73 kgs and now I would be more that happy to have that much. In the States there was a period I was opssessed with my weight and it became a weird emotion cycle that I find myself trapped in even now. I wanted to come back and use this summer to lose weight but the two months spent at home were days of yo-yo dieting where I lost 8 lbs but that gain that much and maybe more.
School started yesterday. I am back in my class with my friends. I felt horrible when I saw them all again because of the way I look. I know this is certanly overreacting but weight has always been so important to me and now... I am more than overweight, my BMI shows obesity and that is killing me.
It is time to make a change.
I am turning 18 in two days. Do I really want this all to go on forever? I am hating the way I look now and the clothes I wear. I do not even want to take pictures because I hate looking at them. This has changed me so much and I do not like the person I became.
So!
I am starting a healthy way of living. You know -- chicken breasts, lots of salads and gym. :-D My idea is to walk my dog once a day for half an hour and drive the stationary bike everyday. I will also be doing swimming for 4 hours on the weekends. Just try to watch what I eat and most importantly -- not overeat! That is my greatest problem! I can eat little the whole day and stay on track but something get triggered in me during the evening and I am like a food vacuum. I can't do this anymore.
I think my current weight is 80 kgs (176 lbs)
My height is 163 cm (5' 4'')
I am almost eighteen
and ready for a new life.
I can say that I have been around this site for quite a while and actually tried with keeping a diary and a special diet regime a few times but both times fell behind and soon gave up. With years on unsuccessful weight loss behind me it is hard to keep yourself on track when in your subconscience there are all these memories of past attemps and failures and somewhere deep you can't really tell the difference between this time and all those others that resulted with no changes.
This past year was a really life-changing one for me in many ways.
I became a foreign exchange student in August of 2006. and left my family and friends to go and live in the U.S. for a year. When I found out about the scholarship in April 2006. I found myself in a circle of a really weird behavior. Even though I was extremely excited about it all I started binging and gained 7 kg (15 lbs) in two and a half months. I was always very conscient about my weight and always wanted to lose some believing that is the solution to all my problems, and gaining 15 lbs in such a short time was horrible. Somehow as the time for my departure approached I stopped binging and in that last month at home and the following one in the States I lost weight and came down to 69.5 kgs (153 lbs). I was eclectic! Than everything changed. Somehow, without me even being aware of it, the binging returned. I was eating everything and anything. And sometimes I threw up because I felt guilty for over-eating and scared I will gain weight. It became a vicious cycle I found myself trapped in, away from my family and friends in a country where, al though I had many people I cared about and who cared about me, I was alone. By the time I was heading home I weighted 176 lbs! All my fellow exchange students gained weight but this was... huge. Being overweight to start with, I looked and felt terrible.
When I came back home everybody made comments on my weight gain and the fact I couldn't fit in any of my clothes before was depressing. I remember how much I freaked out when my scale was hitting 73 kgs and now I would be more that happy to have that much. In the States there was a period I was opssessed with my weight and it became a weird emotion cycle that I find myself trapped in even now. I wanted to come back and use this summer to lose weight but the two months spent at home were days of yo-yo dieting where I lost 8 lbs but that gain that much and maybe more.
School started yesterday. I am back in my class with my friends. I felt horrible when I saw them all again because of the way I look. I know this is certanly overreacting but weight has always been so important to me and now... I am more than overweight, my BMI shows obesity and that is killing me.
It is time to make a change.
I am turning 18 in two days. Do I really want this all to go on forever? I am hating the way I look now and the clothes I wear. I do not even want to take pictures because I hate looking at them. This has changed me so much and I do not like the person I became.
So!
I am starting a healthy way of living. You know -- chicken breasts, lots of salads and gym. :-D My idea is to walk my dog once a day for half an hour and drive the stationary bike everyday. I will also be doing swimming for 4 hours on the weekends. Just try to watch what I eat and most importantly -- not overeat! That is my greatest problem! I can eat little the whole day and stay on track but something get triggered in me during the evening and I am like a food vacuum. I can't do this anymore.
I think my current weight is 80 kgs (176 lbs)
My height is 163 cm (5' 4'')
I am almost eighteen
and ready for a new life.
