Mind

[Steve]

This was a post I made in a member's journal and was asked to put it in its own thread. If anything, maybe it can start some convo. Hopefully it will make some people think too. I have been meaning to write an "article" on the subject.... just having trouble getting around to it:

I think this is very common actually. At least with the people I have dealt with in much more close settings. I have found many people, men and women, who have been big most of their lives.... and as much as they want the weight gone, they always find a way to sabotage their efforts. The generator of this sabotage, once we dig deep enough, always seems to be related to fear.

I am not sure if I have written about this in here or not, but we all act out based on 2 distinct factors.

1. Pain
2. Pleasure

We all have internal, mental scales that weigh each and every action that we will partake. If more pain is associated with that action, than pleasure, we are going to do our darnedest to avoid the action.

In this case, we speak of weight loss. It is important to note that these internal scales reside in our subconscious minds. Our subconscious minds are on auto-pilot. This is where habits are born too.

As much as we consciously want to transform our physiques, if our subconscious minds are not in line with this conscious thought process, you will continually sabotage your efforts.

One simple way to start changing these deeply buried "neural inputs" is to start consciously thinking about your pain/pleasure links. Deep down, you most likely associate pain to weight loss. You said so yourself, you fear that people will still look right past you and you will realize that it wasn't your weight all along, it was something more important. It was YOU.

That is enough pain (fear) to stop even the strongest I know in their tracks. Sure, you will lose some weight, but most who I encounter who are in this same boat go back and forth in their battles. Just when they start picking up momentum, which is crucial for weight loss, they sabotage their efforts.

The beauty of this all is this.

You have the unique ability to change which way your scale is tilted. Start focusing on linking a lot more pleasure to weight loss. And really focus on linking a lot of pain on not losing weight. I would even suggest writing things down. And read and re-read the list. Think about the list as often as possible.

Repetitive thought is a sure way of tapping into your subconscious mind.... something that is necessary if you are going to really change habits and internal, pre-programmed beliefs born from long ago.

My thoughts on the subject at hand.

 

[maleficent]

thanks for making this available to all - it really is a great topic one that i think many of us face...

 

[M2M]

dagnabit...

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Steve again."

Off to spread some love so that I can come back and rep this post.
Thank you Steve!

 

[maleficent]

people who would make a comment like that irk me to no end... doesn't matter at all what you do for a living, as long as you make the wife happy that's all anyone should be concerned about.. Ooooh that m akes me want to go kick people int he shins or something

 

[WineDeer]

I've been wondering about how the mind and the psychology of losing weight plays into all of this -- my efforts, everyone's efforts -- and how successful we all become at the end of the day.

For me, part of it is not associating "pain" with changing my diet. I grew up in a household that controlled food very tightly, not because I was an overweight child, but I think more out of control issues for my mother, and I hated it then, and I still hate it now. I find it difficult to restrict my eating for that reason. I have instead been trying to choose better options -- whole wheat bread instead of saying "no bread!" and other things like that.

So, that dieting doesn't become painful.

Thankfully, the same doesn't apply to exercise, I love to do it, and I've been doing it twice a day for a while now (to compensate for the food issues).

I've also been thinking that my motivator can't be "you're going to be sick if you don't lose weight" but rather, "wouldn't it be nice to wear a pair of low waist jeans and show off that belly piercing you're going to get?!"

I would love to hear more on this subject too. It's something I think a lot about.

 

[maleficent]

great avatar winedeer

there's also a thread that's been around for a while that resonates with a lot of people - -Fear of Thin Weight loss, for a lot of people, is more than just eating less and exercising more -there's a whole lot of other stuff going on there too...

 

[dariqueen]

I've managed to find pleasure in exercise. I used to hate the thought of it. Now I miss my walks when I don't get out there, and I'm actually looking forward to increasing my jogging time.

 

[Steve]

I've been wondering about how the mind and the psychology of losing weight plays into all of this -- my efforts, everyone's efforts -- and how successful we all become at the end of the day.

For me, part of it is not associating "pain" with changing my diet. I grew up in a household that controlled food very tightly, not because I was an overweight child, but I think more out of control issues for my mother, and I hated it then, and I still hate it now. I find it difficult to restrict my eating for that reason. I have instead been trying to choose better options -- whole wheat bread instead of saying "no bread!" and other things like that.

So, that dieting doesn't become painful.

Thankfully, the same doesn't apply to exercise, I love to do it, and I've been doing it twice a day for a while now (to compensate for the food issues).

I've also been thinking that my motivator can't be "you're going to be sick if you don't lose weight" but rather, "wouldn't it be nice to wear a pair of low waist jeans and show off that belly piercing you're going to get?!"

I would love to hear more on this subject too. It's something I think a lot about.

Pain does not = physical harm in most cases. By saying you "hate" the thought of controlling food based on your past with your family, that, in essence, is saying "I associate pain with controlling my nutrition."

 

[Happychubette]

pain

I used to, and still do a bit, associate pain with cutting back. Its not fun to cut back. But I'm finding it enormously satisfying when I have a good day, and that replaces some of the pain of having to cut back.

The pain associated with dieting and failing at dieting is being replaced by satisfaction, control and belief in a positive outcome. Instead of I can't do this, I CAN DO THIS.

 

[Steve]

I used to, and still do a bit, associate pain with cutting back. Its not fun to cut back. But I'm finding it enormously satisfying when I have a good day, and that replaces some of the pain of having to cut back.

The pain associated with dieting and failing at dieting is being replaced by satisfaction, control and belief in a positive outcome. Instead of I can't do this, I CAN DO THIS.

That's the idea. Envision a scale in your brain (subconscious mind). Imagine being able to reach in there and move around certain things to one side or the other: pain and/or pleasure.

Where exercise was once on the pain side, for instance, reach in, and put it on the pleasure side. More importantly, move not exercising/inactivity over to the pain side.

Most people don't have a problem with the first step. The second step, many forget. Each agonist has an antagonist which too, should be managed in terms of the pain/pleasure spectrum.

 

[Happychubette]

That is enough pain (fear) to stop even the strongest I know in their tracks. Sure, you will lose some weight, but most who I encounter who are in this same boat go back and forth in their battles. Just when they start picking up momentum, which is crucial for weight loss, they sabotage their efforts.

I was wondering what you mean by momentum here, whether weight loss gains momentum, or do you mean momentum with our lifestyle?

 

[Steve]

I was wondering what you mean by momentum here, whether weight loss gains momentum, or do you mean momentum with our lifestyle?

Both.

One, we feed off of success and positive emotions. If you can create a "positive" and "pleasurable" atmosphere, and spend most if not all of your time keeping your focus on this, chances are, you will continue to progress.

Two, weight loss seems to work with momentum. You can go for weeks without losing weight, then, all of a sudden, it comes off. Even though nothing was changed.

 

[WineDeer]

Pain does not = physical harm in most cases. By saying you "hate" the thought of controlling food based on your past with your family, that, in essence, is saying "I associate pain with controlling my nutrition."

I understand the second part of your comment -- not the first.

I think "pain" in most instances is related to harm in some way, whether it's physical or emotional. But that's an entirely different topic -- not sure if we want to go down that path.

As for your quote of "I associate pain with controlling my nutrition" - I think it's more, "I associate emotional pain with control." I think in my personal case, it's outside food or anything else, it's something I grew up with in my household -- feeling like I was always being put into control because otherwise I would be out of control.

The result? A magnificent 40-50 lbs weight gain in college when I left home and I had no one to control me.

Since then, things have changed, of course. I realized it wasn't up to someone else to feed me, rather myself, and I think I have a better handle on food today than I did back then.

So, I control food by asking my body what it needs (I get cravings for fresh fruit and vegetables if I am only eating processed foods, I don't like box dinners - frozen dinners -- because it doesn't taste good to me, I'll make stuff from scratch with no problem, I prefer a sit down restaurant than fast food, etc.). I know I'm not perfect, because I'm clearly eating TOO MUCH and I'll be the first to admit I am not eating enough of those famous fresh fruits and vegetables.

But the idea of doing something like Jenny Craig (a friend of mine did it and lost 70 lbs and has kept it off for almost two years now) throws me off completely -- the idea of 1) eating processed food (I've tasted it) for every meal and 2) only that amount of food at prescribed times.

There is a hedonistic pleasure I get from eating a fine aged steak, or to drink that incredible glass of a perfectly balanced red wine that seems to be (maybe I'm wrong in this perception) out of the scope of diets (in general).

I rebel against not being able to do it.

So, instead of saying never, I'm trying to say "Less often" and that way I don't feel like I am being controlled, but rather that it's my choice instead.

My friend, the one who did the Jenny Craig diet, can't help but recommend that method of weight loss. She doesn't do exercise, so for her it worked really well. But... I just couldn't. I guess I have to do things the hard way?