Ready to Focus and Win the Race!!
Well, I was lost but now am found
I have 30 school days left and I feel the end of the year frenzy. Grades, stress, possible new job assignment, stress, meetings, stress, development, stress, and on, and on, and on. I am trying to keep focused on my health goals. I am feeling and seeing positive results. Now I need to turn up the intensity level and really kick it in gear. This last week was not too productive and let's just say not very healthful. I wish I were oblivious, but I am not. I spend a lot of time psycho-analyzing myself and I still can't figure out why I am my own worst enemy. Maybe I'm afraid of being happy with myself? Liking what I see in the mirror, Who knows? What I do know is that I have intense highs and lows in my commitment level. I can get really fired up over an idea one week and the next week it is a vague memory. Please reread the first line of my entry and you will know what I mean. When I was finishing my undergraduate degree I tipped the scale at 224-lbs. I did not want to be a "fat", yes I said fat, teacher. What kind of example would that be for students? I joined Healthy Weigh and lost 70-lbs, leaving the program at 154 lbs. That was two years ago and within 14-lbs of my goal weight. Actually, I could have sustained that weight and been happy. I did not. I have spent two years going up and down 20-30 lbs. When I start sliding I avoid the scale. Weighing every day keeps me focused, not obsessed, on my goal. I really want to be the slim-bikini-wearing-43-year-old lying on the beach, in Mexico, this winter. That is my reward for losing and keeping off the weight So, that brings me back to my self-defeating habits. I really want that healthy lifestyle, and the peace it brings, so why do I keep doing this to myself? I believe the answer is in my past...I have toyed with the idea of writing for release and closure, but there is something about putting my life on paper...I do not recognize or want to be that person ever again. I've tried to forget. That does not work. I want to forgive, aknowledge, continue to heal, and love without reserve. No wonder weight loss is a challenge...
Well, I was lost but now am found
I have 30 school days left and I feel the end of the year frenzy. Grades, stress, possible new job assignment, stress, meetings, stress, development, stress, and on, and on, and on. I am trying to keep focused on my health goals. I am feeling and seeing positive results. Now I need to turn up the intensity level and really kick it in gear. This last week was not too productive and let's just say not very healthful. I wish I were oblivious, but I am not. I spend a lot of time psycho-analyzing myself and I still can't figure out why I am my own worst enemy. Maybe I'm afraid of being happy with myself? Liking what I see in the mirror, Who knows? What I do know is that I have intense highs and lows in my commitment level. I can get really fired up over an idea one week and the next week it is a vague memory. Please reread the first line of my entry and you will know what I mean. When I was finishing my undergraduate degree I tipped the scale at 224-lbs. I did not want to be a "fat", yes I said fat, teacher. What kind of example would that be for students? I joined Healthy Weigh and lost 70-lbs, leaving the program at 154 lbs. That was two years ago and within 14-lbs of my goal weight. Actually, I could have sustained that weight and been happy. I did not. I have spent two years going up and down 20-30 lbs. When I start sliding I avoid the scale. Weighing every day keeps me focused, not obsessed, on my goal. I really want to be the slim-bikini-wearing-43-year-old lying on the beach, in Mexico, this winter. That is my reward for losing and keeping off the weight So, that brings me back to my self-defeating habits. I really want that healthy lifestyle, and the peace it brings, so why do I keep doing this to myself? I believe the answer is in my past...I have toyed with the idea of writing for release and closure, but there is something about putting my life on paper...I do not recognize or want to be that person ever again. I've tried to forget. That does not work. I want to forgive, aknowledge, continue to heal, and love without reserve. No wonder weight loss is a challenge...