making friends

I

iluvgymnastics

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I need a lot of help with this, and I thought I'd ask here, even though it has nothing to do with weight loss. The girls I live with are the ones I hang out with, but they are really different than me, and are a lot closer to each other than any of them are to me. I get left out of things a lot, and it really hurts. And they don't seem to care. This has led to my decision that I need to try to make new friends. But I don't know how to do it. Can I just come out and ask someone, will you be my friend? Or is that too weird? Any tricks to overcome my nervousness? Thanks in advance.
 
I'm probably the wrong person to be answering this question becuase I'm really bad at friendship and will use the word friend very selectively -if I call someone a friend -it's the highest honor I could possibly bestow upon them - I have lots of buddies and pals but not really any friends...

To ask someone tobe your friend seems a little needy to me - friendships, to me, are developed over time, over shared events, things in common, shared experiences... they jsut don't happen.

Buddies - can happen any time - and you can find buddies in various activities.. but friendship - like any relationship requires work... and effort on both parts

What are some things you like to do? Sports, hobbies, other activities? Spend some time doing them and you'll be around people with similar interests and make it easier to strike up conversations.

make yourself available - when you're around other people, dont bury your nose in a book, or keep your headphones on, look up, look around, smile at people... (People tell me I have this look on my face that says leave me the hell alone... I'm not quite sure how I do that but it's probably how i'm feeling at the time - feel accessible to people and approachable...

When talking to people be genuine...

there's a dale carnegie book, how to win friends and influence people - it's more directed at salespeople and i fiind it ia bit phoney at times but try some of the techniques

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
"Don't criticize, condemn or complain."
"Give people a feeling of importance; praise the good parts of them."
"Get the other person to do what you want them to by arousing their desires."

Six Ways to Make People Like You
"Become genuinely interested in other people."
"Smile."
"Remember that a man's name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
"Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves."
"Talk in the terms of the other man's interest."
"Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely."

How to Win Friends & Influence People - Basic Summary
also has more tips...
 
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Use The Godfather Technique.

Be Nice Praise Them Make Them Feel Good About Themselves And Do Them A Favor.

If In The End They Dont End Up A Good Friend. At Least They Ow You A Favor
 
Mal's Advice Was Really Good.

I've Got A Ton Of Friend's In My Life And I've Obtained Them All Through Being Myself And Social In Group Settings.

PS. That caps thing is hard.
 
I've moved country a ton of times, and although being yourself is good and all, I personally find that adapting to their humor, use of language and slang e.t.c. really gives it a kickstart.

Don't give them anything to make them think you're weird, just be chill, make sure you aren't acting desperate, e.t.c.

It actually really depends on age and maturity levels, but if you're like 15-20 this works. But be yourself overall, and try to limit all lies because they will eventually come back to screw you over... unless you're like a master at it.
 
Thank you all so much for your advice. The situation is that I'm in school with 120 others in my class where it seems everyone has their own friends. Because we pretty much just go to class and study its hard to find time to enjoy other activities that might bring some of us closer together. There is one girl that is often at the gym when I am, so I'll start with that. She's a swimmer, and I would like to try swimming so maybe I'll ask her for advice or see if she wants to go with me sometime. Also, everyone has been set seating in the classroom. I think moving where I sit might get me talking to other people, but it might look weird to suddenly change where I sit. But I'll try that too. I still have hope that I can do this.
 
Aw. I sort of know how you feel. When I moved here it took me TWO years to make friends. This was due in part to the fact that I moved here with two people I knew (a couple who asked me if I wanted to come with them) and I had a boyfriend waiting for me when I got here. So I had those three people in my life, which was good, but I lived with two of them and I knew I needed to hang out with people who weren't my housemates. I also can't stand most people. I know that sounds arrogant, but my reasoning for not liking a lot of people will sound even more arrogant so I won't even go there. Anyway, I know how hard it is to make friends and how hard it is to find people with whom you click. It's no fun just being friends with someone or hanging out with someone because you tolerate him or her. You want to spend time with people you really like.

Anyway, the other day I walked up to this woman who works at the local health food store and asked her if she wanted to go running with me sometime. She seemed genuinely pleased I'd asked and we exchanged numbers.As it turns out she can't run because she had back surgery but she suggested bike riding in the city hiking outside the city. Now, we had already established that we had some things in common like interests in fitness, veganism, punk culture, etc. It's not like I looked her up and down and thought to myself, "Now this is someone I can hang out with." We'd discussed food choices, nutrition, fitness, and other things previously.

I guess my point is, if you find someone who has things in common with you, ask the person to do something that involves those commonalities. I think that seems the least offensive and/or needy way to approach things.

-Tamara
 
It's hard making friends sometimes, I usually make friends pretty quick. I think they just talk to me.
You'll find friends, just be patient :) they'll come
 
I try to make friends buy being myself.
Unfortunately myself is a jerk. Which led me to try and buy my friends. But I am also poor.

That is why I am 31, overweight and don't have any friends.
 
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