onexmorexgirl
New member
I've been thinking about this first blog entry for some time now. Considering very carefully, where I should begin.
I think my best choice would be start with who I perceive myself to be today- Well, I'm Lorna! I'm a 21 year old female. I'm married to my high school sweetheart and we've been together off and on for six and a half years! We got our first apartment last September, and were eloped in February. He's really my soul mate, and I couldn't have been more lucky than to have met him. We've learned so much together, and have walked down our journey of transformation hand in hand. We choose to not have children at this point in time.. and neither of us has a strong desire to conceive in the future. We do have two amazing cats, that have become entwined in what we are building of a family life. We are pretty level headed though. The motto that I've made for our marriage is "Every morning we wake up, we make a conscious thought to stay together." We hate the traditional sense of the word marriage.
Well, back to me. I'm a pretty average girl I think. Physically, I'm almost five feet tall (4'11). I'm at about 128 lbs at the moment. That sets my bmi around 26 I do believe. I don't exercise and I have terrible nutrition habits.
Much of my story is entwined with family past and psychology though. Pyschologicaly I'm leaps and bounds from my terribly depressing childhood and teenage years. Although, my world has been made thousands of times better because of the actions I've made- there are still scars.
I was raised in a single parent home, by a hopelessly depressed alcoholic. There was much moving. I went to 16 public schools. My mom struggled with bills because of her alcohol and gambling issues. We always moved because the rent couldn't be paid on time. Of the family I knew- all were alcoholics. Many struggled with depression and addictive personalities. I myself struggled with depression. I landed a spot in my first mental hospital at the age of 10 when I attempted to kill myself. Again at the age of 14 I found myself in another hospital after cutting 75% of my body with razor blades one evening.
That was my childhood- but now I'm a grown women. I've had to put physical and emotional distance from my family. I have found a safe, stable lifestyle. A bit boring at times... but that can be worked on! My husband and I live within our means, which is very little because we are both full time students and work as servers. But we both had similar backgrounds, and have held each other's hand through the dark times.
If this story wasn't sad enough, in May of this year I took my biggest blow. My father and I had been in very little contact throughout my life. A couple years ago, we made contact for the first time in years. He is British, and returned to his home country after encountering some health problems. Last summer, he invited me to visit him and I stayed with him for 2 1/2 months. We became very very close and the day I left, we were both anxious for me to return. I made my return on May 6th of this year. We enjoyed a great 2 days together, but on the third day he did not feel well. He was an amputee, and that day he complained that his remaining leg was numb. We called the hospital and he went right away. I expected that he would get some medication and get better. By the end of the first day, his second amputation was scheduled. After the operation, I was pulled aside with my aunt by the doctor. I assumed we would be discussing discharge and recovery plans.. by I was wrong. The doctor informed us that his main artery that supplied his lower body with blood was completely blocked. We watched his leg die... and he told us that was progressing up.
So for the next week, I spent every moment at the hospital with my father, and eventually watched him die.
This has been so very very very hard on me. My father showed me a person that wasn't crazy, wasn't an alcoholic. He introduced me to all of my British family, to whom I've become deeply attached to.
There really is a point to all of this. The reason I am here is very much entwined with my personal story. I've grown up in a home, where no one expected anything from me. I never gave much effort to anything. Now I find myself unhappy with my current predicament. I'm unhealthy. I drink too much soda, and I never work out. I don't feel happy. I feel really lethargic and down all the time. I want to make an effort to be happy. The reason why I want to be happy, is because I really want to make my dad proud. We didn't have enough time together, and though he loved me very much - I know there is so much more of me to show.
Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this, and I look forward to making many friends here who have made the choice to transform as well!
I think my best choice would be start with who I perceive myself to be today- Well, I'm Lorna! I'm a 21 year old female. I'm married to my high school sweetheart and we've been together off and on for six and a half years! We got our first apartment last September, and were eloped in February. He's really my soul mate, and I couldn't have been more lucky than to have met him. We've learned so much together, and have walked down our journey of transformation hand in hand. We choose to not have children at this point in time.. and neither of us has a strong desire to conceive in the future. We do have two amazing cats, that have become entwined in what we are building of a family life. We are pretty level headed though. The motto that I've made for our marriage is "Every morning we wake up, we make a conscious thought to stay together." We hate the traditional sense of the word marriage.
Well, back to me. I'm a pretty average girl I think. Physically, I'm almost five feet tall (4'11). I'm at about 128 lbs at the moment. That sets my bmi around 26 I do believe. I don't exercise and I have terrible nutrition habits.
Much of my story is entwined with family past and psychology though. Pyschologicaly I'm leaps and bounds from my terribly depressing childhood and teenage years. Although, my world has been made thousands of times better because of the actions I've made- there are still scars.
I was raised in a single parent home, by a hopelessly depressed alcoholic. There was much moving. I went to 16 public schools. My mom struggled with bills because of her alcohol and gambling issues. We always moved because the rent couldn't be paid on time. Of the family I knew- all were alcoholics. Many struggled with depression and addictive personalities. I myself struggled with depression. I landed a spot in my first mental hospital at the age of 10 when I attempted to kill myself. Again at the age of 14 I found myself in another hospital after cutting 75% of my body with razor blades one evening.
That was my childhood- but now I'm a grown women. I've had to put physical and emotional distance from my family. I have found a safe, stable lifestyle. A bit boring at times... but that can be worked on! My husband and I live within our means, which is very little because we are both full time students and work as servers. But we both had similar backgrounds, and have held each other's hand through the dark times.
If this story wasn't sad enough, in May of this year I took my biggest blow. My father and I had been in very little contact throughout my life. A couple years ago, we made contact for the first time in years. He is British, and returned to his home country after encountering some health problems. Last summer, he invited me to visit him and I stayed with him for 2 1/2 months. We became very very close and the day I left, we were both anxious for me to return. I made my return on May 6th of this year. We enjoyed a great 2 days together, but on the third day he did not feel well. He was an amputee, and that day he complained that his remaining leg was numb. We called the hospital and he went right away. I expected that he would get some medication and get better. By the end of the first day, his second amputation was scheduled. After the operation, I was pulled aside with my aunt by the doctor. I assumed we would be discussing discharge and recovery plans.. by I was wrong. The doctor informed us that his main artery that supplied his lower body with blood was completely blocked. We watched his leg die... and he told us that was progressing up.
So for the next week, I spent every moment at the hospital with my father, and eventually watched him die.
This has been so very very very hard on me. My father showed me a person that wasn't crazy, wasn't an alcoholic. He introduced me to all of my British family, to whom I've become deeply attached to.
There really is a point to all of this. The reason I am here is very much entwined with my personal story. I've grown up in a home, where no one expected anything from me. I never gave much effort to anything. Now I find myself unhappy with my current predicament. I'm unhealthy. I drink too much soda, and I never work out. I don't feel happy. I feel really lethargic and down all the time. I want to make an effort to be happy. The reason why I want to be happy, is because I really want to make my dad proud. We didn't have enough time together, and though he loved me very much - I know there is so much more of me to show.
Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this, and I look forward to making many friends here who have made the choice to transform as well!
I'm horrible at cooking, and I absolutly hate it. 
