lilmezzo1's diary

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lilmezzo1

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So it starts tomorrow...

I have been researching recipes for days and have my grocery list ready.

How did it get this bad? I didn't even realize how much weight I had gained until I saw pictures of myself. I don't even look like the same person! I get asked quite frequently by strangers when my baby is due -- but I'm not pregnant! I am embarrassed...I avoid seeing people that I used to know because when they see me, I see that look in their eyes..."What happened to her?"

I had another eye opening a few months ago when I had my first opportunity to represent a client in court. The days leading up to it, I was so nervous, but also so excited. That morning I got up early and put my suit on that I had bought before starting school a year and a half ago...and I couldn't button the pants. Rather than waiting my turn at the courthouse reviewing what I was about to argue, I sat there praying that no one would see the safety pin I used to close my pants on one of the most exciting days I have had so far in my life.

I'm really worried about staying motivated, especially with the exercising. I'm in law school, so every day is spent sitting on the couch reading/studying and snacking. I love cooking elaborate dinners for my live-in boyfriend and I. We both usually eat multiple portions, but lucky him -- he weighs about 170 lbs. He has never known me as being thin. He thinks I'm beautiful how I am, but I really want him to see me as my thin, healthy self. However, he doesn't make it any easier when he asks my cook homemade macaroni and cheese or pizza.

I really want to do this. I want to go shopping and not have to worry about whether the store carries a size 16. I used to be considered pretty (body and all) when I was in high school. I keep thinking that is how I still am and forgetting how long ago that was. I have been gaining weight for 8 years now, which is all of my adult life. I can't believe that I'm that girl -- the one with "the pretty face."

I just read back over what I wrote, and it breaks my heart. This is the first time I've really admitted what I've let happen to myself. I have to change.

So yeah, tomorrow is the day. I plan on writing on here everyday. Hopefully it will keep me honest. I don't know my exact weight, but I'm estimating about 210lbs. I'm buying a scale at the store tomorrow morning, so I'll post that tomorrow with my goal.
 
firstly, i would like to say welcome to the forum, it is a good start being able to recognise that you need to make changes. I will drop in and check up on you from time to time :)
 
It turns that I weigh even more than I thought...224 lbs. Wow. How depressing. I think 140 is a good goal, though ultimately I'd like to go lower than that. Eventually I'd like to not only be thin, but be toned as well. I watched a movie with Hilary Swank in it the other day, and it would be so neat to have those cute little muscles in my arms and visable abs. But, one step at a time.

I spent the morning grocery shopping. It was pretty easy to pass the chips and soda aisle and spend a lot of time in the produce area. I'm sure that is because I'm excited to start this. I think the biggest struggle regarding food will be not what I'm eating, but how much. I have to train myself to view food fuel, not as something to do.

I did my exercise video today for the first time. I did a lot of research online, and other people seemed to be really happy with the Biggest Loser DVD. I bought it a couple weeks ago, and it finally came out of the package today. I have to be honest...it was terrible. Not the video, but exercising. The hardest part for me was lunges. I feel like I'm not capable of doing them at all! I tried, but instead did some other things from other parts of the video during this time.

I HATE exercising. I know it will get easier if I keep up with it. However, I'm already dreading having to do it again tomorrow. But there is no reason that I can't do 25 minutes of cardio a day.

Also, I need to start getting out of the apartment more often so I'm at least moving more. Law school is ridiculously time consuming. I only have class for 3 hours a day, but each class requires about 6-9 hours of preparation. This means that I sit on my couch ALL DAY. Even if it's just going to the mall to browse through the jeans that I can't yet fit into. Plus, getting out more will probably help eleviate some of the stress and pressure I'm under with school.

Exercise sucks. But so does doing the dishes. And doing laundry. And reading casebooks. But I do those things consistently. Exercise needs to be one of those things that I just do, even though I don't want to because it needs to be done, just like the dishes.
 
well done buying your healthy food, you will get used to the exercise, start slowly, if you push it to hard to begin with there is a big temptation to give up. Do you have access to a heart rate monitor ? they are very handy for making sure you are keeping your HR in the right zone during your workout.
 
You CAN do this!

Welcome to the forum! I am glad you joined. I think you will be very glad you joined too. I started off around the same weight as you (212) and have stayed consistant the last few months and have been able to lose 32 lbs! I went to a dr appt today and weighed 180. I am still wanted to lose another 20 and tone up more and I know it is possible with determination and hard work. Something that made a huge difference for me was getting a heart rate monitor. It allows you to program your height and weight and also shows you how many calories you burned during your video. I also got the biggest loser dvds and wore my heart rate monitor only to be blown away with how many calories I burned!! The lunges made me very sore, but in a good way. The more results you see the more motivated you will become. Getting started was the hardest part for me. You have taken the first step and I'm so proud of you! Hang in there. We are here to encourage you and help you along the way. Just believe in yourself You will be suprised at the things you learn about yourself during this journey.
 
Thank you for the encouragement! I don't have a HR monitor, but I'll definitely get one. I don't know anything about them -- any suggestions on where to buy or what to get?
 
I use a Polar FS1 which is a base model which doesn't calculate the calories for you (i do that myself) but the better models will give you all sorts of information not just your calories burned. I make use of the alarms on my monitor to tell me if i am not working hard enough or working to hard.

your HR should be between 60-80% of max heart rate during cardio exercise.
 
Welcome to the forum! It seems like all of my friends are in law school and med school, so I completely understand! School is their job, and there always seems to be two types of students: those that lose weight and those that gain weight because of the stress.

One of my friends who gained her first year and lost her second year started studying more at the library and less at home, so she wasn't around temptation. She also packed her lunch and dinner and healthy snacks so that was all that was available. Little changes made a big difference. By the end of her second year she had dropped all of the weight from her first year and then some.

I agree with Trusylver, too much too soon can definitely be hard. Good luck and I'll be rooting for you!!!!!!

OH PS: i track all of my calories on Fitday. I custom make my nutritional content for each food for ease of tracking and weigh everything I eat. It really makes a difference!
 
Target seemed to have very reasonable prices on the heart rate monitors. The price can vary, but the most expensive one I remember seeing was $100 or so. Trust me they are worth it and have been a key element in keeping me motivated. I was also thinking studying outside of your home for part of the day will help. I'm glad someone brought that up. I actually tried this the other day. I spent 4 hours in the library and got some great studying in without all the distractions. I packed up my 1/2 gallon water bottle and a few healthy snacks and found a quiet corner in the library all to myself. My friend also found herself gaining weight and decided to spend time at the coffee shop or Barnes and Noble to get her studying done so she doesnt feel so cooped up in the house. Try a few of these and before long you will find what works for you. Baby steps! There is no race and it is all a learning process. :cheers2:
 
Yesterday's food:

Half can of pop: 70 calories (this was before I went grocery shopping and didn't have any coffee in the house. However, this is the LAST ONE).
Half of cereal bar: 100 calories
Breakfast lean pocket: 140 calories
Turkey Burger with salad for dinner: 500-600 calories
Popcorn: 100 calories
Ice cream sandwich: 100 calories

Grand total of 1010-1110.

I'm overestimating some things because I want to make sure the little things are included (a couple croutons on the salad, etc.)

I did my work-out video again today. Once again, I tried only a couple lunges...I just can't do them yet. But everything else I tried to do full out. I hear people say that exercising gives them energy and makes them feel good, but it must take a while for that because I feel like shit (as I did yesterday). Yesterday I felt terrible for most the day after exercising. How long does it take for this to get any easier?
 
are you eating within 20 minutes of finishing your workout ? you need to eat to replenish your energy levels and to help restore glycogen, preferably somthing with carbs and protein.

also don't allow yourself to become dehydrated, drink plenty of water during your exercise.
 
Today's food thus far:

Milk -- 90
Egg beaters -- 60
Toast --45
Yogurt -- 80
Toast with Jam (homemade...couldn't resist!)-- 200
Dinner -- 500

Total: 975

So I guess I can have a couple snacks tonight, which is good since I'll be staying up late!

The most exciting thing about the day was the dinner I cooked! I love cooking and try to cook a nice dinner every night for my boyfriend and I. Tonight I made Shrimp Enchiladas, and they were awesome! And by awesome, I mean that it's the best tasting "healthy food" I've cooked ever. It was low calorie enough that I could eat two servings. Karl even asked me how it could possibly be healthy because it tasted so good. He's very supportive of my endeavor, but I'm sure he secretly is not happy with my new style of cooking. I'm posting it under the recipes and I really recommend that everyone try it.
 
I've been having a rough time the last couple days. I can't believe that I'm depressed about not eating what I want to! I'm fine all day, but at night I just feel sad. It's pathetic. BUT I've remained strong and just keeping thinking about the day when this will become easier...

I keep track of my calories on a dry-erase board on my fridge and accidently erased it before recording it on here. I know I was somewhere around 1100-1200.

Being New Years Day, Karl was off of work. For the past 2 years, I always cook a big breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon/sausage when he doesn't have to work (his favorite). Instead, I found a recipe for fruit-stuffed french toast (with low-cal bread, egg substitute, etc.). It wasn't quite as good as pancakes, but pretty close! I made it so that I could have 2 servings, but was proud of myself when I stopped after one (and Karl could have more!).

For dinner, I cooked a low-cal macaroni and cheese. This definitely was NOT as good as my homemade one with lots of cheese and alfredo, but it was acceptable. I ate about 500 calories worth.

About 9 p.m., I was in a terrible mood because I wanted something sweet. I found a recipe that tastes like strawberry cheesecake (hollowed out strawberries with fat-free cream cheese, splenda, lemon juice, and crushed graham crackers). I figure each one was about 15-20 calories. I ate quite a few, but still stayed around 150 calories.

There were a couple snacks throughout the day as well.

Karl is being such a good sport about this. He loves my cooking, so this is a big adjustment for him as well. He seems fairly happy about my new cooking so far (and he loved the strawberries--he ate about double what I did). He even did my work-out video with me this morning. Even though he's 50 lbs lighter than me, he gave up half way through (made me feel a little good). However, for some reason, when I went to the store last night for strawberries, he asked me to get him a pop. He asked if I had a problem with it, and I said no because he shouldn't have to give up everything he enjoys just because I have a problem with food. But it actually made me sad as he drank it because I wanted some so bad. I feel so pathetic that the absence of unhealthiness makes me want to cry. How did I get to this?

Anyways, in 3 days I'm down 5 lbs. I know this is probably just water weight, but it's encouraging. This is the hardest things I have ever done, but I have to keep my eye on the prize! One of the things I keep in mind is the idea of buying some sexy lingerie. Karl thinks I'm beautiful as I am and has never seen me thin, but it would be so cool for him to see me super sexy...
 
You can do it!!! Great job sticking with everything and changing the way you eat. You are going to be fine!

Keep up the AMAZING work!
 
So I'm terrible about sticking to stuff, like writing on here everyday like I had planned. However, I've been sticking to my new way of eating. I'm down a total of 14 lbs. There was a week in which I didn't lose anything because Karl and I were celebrating (we got engaged!), but I'm back to it. I now have the best motivation...getting skinny for my wedding in 7 months! The only thing that sucks is that my mom and I really want to dress shop, but we'll have to put it off until really close to the date since I plan on being so much smaller.

Eating well is getting easier. The two things I miss the most is pizza (there doesn't seem to be any good substitutes -- Lean Cuisine pizzas just aren't the same) and carmel lattes. I gave in yesterday and had both. However, I stopped at 3 pieces of pizza, rather than eating 5-6. Oh well, it happens.

I'm still staying at 1100-1200 calories. I'm discovering that if I eat breakfast, I'm much hungrier throughout the day so I generally won't eat until 1-2pm (this also means I can eat more later at night, when I really want to). I know this is isn't the best way to approach things...anyone know of any solutions to this?

My new favorite things to eat...Hummus sandwich from Cosi. It has tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, and hummus on a flatbread sandwich for less than 400 calories. I recommend everyone go out and try one.
 
14 lbs!?!?!? ENGAGED?!!?!?! Those are two things not to scoff at! I used to be just like you about breakfast. However, I have realized that it isn't that I got hungry quicker, it was that the emphasis on eating breakfast made me consider food through out the day more than if I weren't eating. Make any sense?!? hahaha so now I removed the conscious thought of breakfast, eat a quick piece of toast with jam or a fiberone bar and go. Quick, easy and satisfying. Don't ask me how it works, it does. I think I'm just strange...hahaha

LOVE COSI, it is like crack for me...
 
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