Lastchanced's Diary

L

lastchanced

New member
Hi! This is my diary. I guess I'm going to put my feelings and methods here, and then it'll be here for myself or anyone else to read! I'd love any insight, hints, encouragement!

So I just joined the forum a few days ago...finding a LOT of useful info here. I am 5'9" and about 155lbs. I want to lose 15lbs to end up at 140. I started about 2 weeks ago w/ eating healthier & exercise - last time I stepped on the scale it was close to 160! :eek: SOOO I have not stepped on in a few days, and have put the exercise up a notch, and have been much stricter on my "diet."

My "diet" is really just cutting out high sugar foods. I have never been much of a fast-food, junk food type eater, but definitely have a sweet tooth! That and I have accustomed my body to eating just once a day, and I am definitely in survival mode. So now I am eating breakfast, and then usually breakfast again, then lunch, then a small snack, and usually i skip dinner as I have the best weightloss results when I don't eat anything after 3-4 in the afternoon - I also am usually full for the day after eating all those other meals! I have been eating pretty much as healthy as possible...only whole grains, fruits/veggies, organics, low fat dairy, eggs, small amounts of nuts. I am mostly a vegetarian..working towards being a complete vegetarian (except fish and eggs), so meat is not a big part of my plan ;)

I didn't go to the gym today...it was my 7th day after 6 days of working out. I feel pretty bad about myself today, even though i went hiking with my dog for 2 hours (about6ish miles? up and down hills), and I rode my horse for about 30 minutes.

I am not yet seeing the results of my efforts, which is getting frustrating, but I know that if I stick with it it will happen, and in turn give me a renewed motivation to keep going. Already I am feeling happier and more energetic than before I started my lifestyle changes. YAY!
 
So today I woke up not feeling great. I was NOT hungry but forced myself to eat 2 eggs-over-easy, 2 peices of 1/2 cal wheat toast, a banana, and a cup of coffee. I ate and then got dressed, by the time I was ready to leave the house @ 6:30 I felt GREAT. I went and rode my horse..he was a good boy and is coming along so well. Done by 8, did a few errands, then off to work.

I was feeling thinner this morning, more energetic, happier. Then I came to work where there were BAGS of Lindt chocolates in the kitchen for the taking. Ugh. I ate like 5 of them. Doesn't sound TOO bad except that they are like 100 cal a piece or something ridiculous.

I don't count calories - but I AM trying to cut chocolate/sugar out of my diet. I feel like this has set me back completely, and its only 9:45 am. I still have a whole day left to avoid eating any more.

Oh well, I will feel better tonight after I have hit the gym.
 
Today.

Sigh.

I am still not seeing ANY results. In fact, I have gained ANOTHER pound. It doesn't make sense at all - I have been doing all the right things.

I wake up most mornings at about 5:45 - 6:00am in order to have time to ride my horse before work. I got up this morning, ate breakfast & had coffee, and had no motivation to go ride. I wanted to do SOMETHING but didn't feel like riding. So i cleaned my apartment. And by that I mean I cleaned up my roommate's mess. Ugh, what a pain. She doesnt even stay there EVER but whenever she checks in for a change of clothes/a bite to eat or somethign she leaves an ENORMOUS mess. Not to mention the 2 dogs she has that she leaves me with ALL the time, one of which is not house broken and pees/poos on my BED, among other places. ARGH!

Anyway, I cleaned, and went to work. I ate pretty healthy today. A bowl of grape nuts for brekky w/ non fat milk, cup of coffee. An apple and a handful of mini wheats around 10. Then a couple moe handfuls of mini wheats - yum! A very small bowl of chili around 2, w/ a tiny bit of low fat cheese. Another handful or 2 of mini wheats around 3. Then a handful of mixed nuts/raisins around 6.

I went for a hike, maybe 4-5 miles around the wildlife preserve near my apartment, it took me less than an hour and a half. Now, I am off to the gym. Stairclimber 30min, a couple of trips around the circuit, and the elliptical for 30min. Should take about an hour and half.

Then, shower, green tea (no sugar...something I've acquired a taste for), my favorite PJ's and bed time.

I have a date on Saturday :)/:( . I like him a lot, we dated briefly about 3 years ago and have recently been seeing eachother again. I am much heavier now than I was then (15-20lbs?), I am so self conscious around him (although i was VERY thin the first time we dated). I have no confidence in what I look like, which makes it hard to enjoy myself or even look forward to the date. It doesn't help that he could be an Abercrombie model. Scratch that, he is more of the EMS or Land's End model type ;) it just makes me feel that more unattractive. ARGH! Anyway, I am hoping I can enjoy myself and not let my self esteem get the best of me.

WHEN will this weight GO AWAY!!?!?! I am so frustrated, and the hardest thing for me to do is to not fall back into starving myself. I could totally lose a bunch of weight quickly if I did that. But then I would just gain it back - I know this. Iwant to do it the right way, the healthy way.

Sigh. again. Off to the gym.....
 
This morning I slept through my alarm - was 20 minutes late to my 8am appointment. The whole day is off kilter.

Breakfast was late at 10am - 3/4 cup of grape nuts w/ non fat milk, a banana, a 60 cal yogurt, and a 100 cal breakfast bar. And coffee. Yeah, I was hungry. At least it was all healthy. I felt a little thnner today before I ate...now I feel bloated and fat again. Ugh :(

It is just about 12:30, I am hungry-ish but not that hungry. I have to go out to eat dinner tonight and I am not looking forward to it. I don't like to eat after 5pm - seems I get much better results that way. I'm going to orer a salad and try to eat just a little of it. I will eat my "dinner" earlier before I go to dinner to try to ward off my need to eat my entire portion.

Getting to the gym today will be hard - I am running WAY behind today and there are a lot of things I need to get done, I need to be showered and at the restaurant by 6, which means i need to be at the gym by 3 to make it there on time. So I am really in a crunch for time right now.

Anyway...off to get things done, hopefully the day will straighten itself out and I will be able to get in that ever so necessary exercise.
 
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