LaLa's Diary

lalaleann13

lalaleann13

New member
Ok, so...this all started about 2 years ago. My weight had gotten out of control and I was up to 192 lbs. Being 5'5"...that's definitely not a good place to be, physically and mentally. So I was determined to change that. And I did! I got myself down to 150 lbs. Never quite reached my goal. At that time, right in the middle of my progress, I had moved a thousand miles away, got myself out of California....and I had just turned 18.

I felt like I was ready for some adventure. Unfortunately, during all the excitement, I had abandoned my learned good habits and lost myself. And I started gaining the weight back again...

I also damaged my body and mind through use of drugs and alcohol. Like I said, completely lost myself. I was also in an abusive relationship and was made to feel worthless. Fortunately...there was a turning point and I was able to get a restraining order against my ex. I was able to remove myself from that situation and get myself out. So I moved back to California.

It's been a year since and I've packed on even more weight. I've battled depression, addiction, and low self esteem...

and I'm done. I'm ready to move on with my life. I want something better for myself. So....about 3 months ago I enrolled myself in a program to become a
Fitness Trainer. I knew it would motivate me to get into shape and make the change I've been needing in my life. And I knew it would be something I could love. So here I am.... 185 lbs. Feeling slightly overwhelmed at the challenges that lay ahead of me but knowing very well I will overcome all obstacles.



So...
I'm looking forward to adding more to my diary as I progress through my weight loss journey :).
 
Hey, Lala. Welcome to your diary. Check out the skickies. They give a lot of really useful information.

What is your plan?
 
Right now I'm trying to create a training plan for myself. As for nutrition, I'm trying to stay within a certain range for my calorie intake and make sure I get a certain balance of carbs, fat, and protein and the required vitamins and minerals. I'm also staying away from most anything processed. Keepin it natural and cooking for myself. Basically I'm training myself. I'm paying for these classes...just finished a nutrition and exercise physiology class both with A's , might as well put it to good use right now rather than pay a trainer.

And most importantly I'm trying to remain positive. I know that a huge part of weight loss is mindset. I'm not trying to diet. I'm trying to make a complete lifestyle change. I have to change the way I think. And I'm one of those emotional eaters. If I'm not spending money (Lol), then I'm usually stuffing my face to ease my anxiety. I'm finding healthy alternatives for my stress or anger.

It's tough. I've got quite a road ahead but I know that I'm going to do this. I'm paying for my education myself and I'm not going to let that go to waste. Fortunately I'm pretty self motivated and I push myself hard so I'm pretty excited. It's an adventure for me.
 
Well, sounds like you've done some hard livin' already, time to move on now and move up (down weightwise of course). Welcome in, jump in with both feet, the water's fine here. You'll get plenty of support...:grouphug:...when you need it.

It's all good.
 
Thanks :).


This is a good place to be for support. Everytime I set out to lose weight, I'm so excited and motivated for the first week or so. But that quickly fades. Instead of focusing on the day to day, I tend to focus on the outcome...results. And obviously that's not going to happen right away. I'm just trying to make myself understand that. I'm also trying not to obsess over it too much. I have other things going on in my life right now and it's easy to either obsess....or get distracted. I'm trying to find a balance for everything.


And...even though I'm in the top of my class I'm really insecure when it comes to the program I'm in. I feel inadequate because I'm still out of shape. The rest of my classmates are all very fit and active in competitions. That should motivate me more, I think. But it's actually been somewhat discouraging. I'm not sure if they're taking me seriously.
 
Well the first 5 days off this week went really well. I didn't stray from my nutrition plan, and I was able to get in 45 min of exercise in for those days.

And then the weekend rolled in. It was my Dad's birthday so I indulged in some birthday cake and sushi. Then, the next morning at work I decided to have a pumpkin scone and from that I just continued eating junk all day saturday and part of sunday. Ugh. I don't know what happened or why I do this to myself. To make up for the birthday cake I had planned on a weekend full of activites. Hiking, biking, running....

Never got around to it. :(


So I feel like I already messed up. Again. I'm so tired of doing this to myself. I've done it over and over again for the past 3 months. I just want to commit. Why do I think that I can't do this? Why am I even trying? I know I have no one to blame but myself.
 
Baby steps, Lala. First step you've made by staying with this site even when you haven't done what you intended. Keep with it.

Next step, get either the diet in check OR get working out. Once you have established that, the other will fall into place easier.

If you are trying to do everything and end up failing part, the rest falls apart.
 
Thanks :).

This week is going alright as far as diet and exercise goes. I keep having to remind myself to stay positive despite all the bs that's happened this week.

First of all, I woke up yesterday morning to discover water all over my room, under the carpet and outside my room. So I spent all day helping my family clean it up. Then I come home from school last night to find out my great grandmother on my dads side has passed away. That sucks. Aaaaand woke up really late this morning and found out that the cat we've had since I was 14 had to be put to sleep. I'm sorry but when you've had a pet that long, he becomes part of your family and it's sad to have lost him.

But, I've had no problem exercising and I feel even more motivated now because I want to get myself ready for a 5mi run through an obstacle course. So I created an endurance/strength training program for myself. I'll be alternating interval/circuit training and strength training each 3x/week with a day of rest.
 
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