Kate's new diary. Even fatter and more depressed.

katehunibun

katehunibun

New member
Hello everyone.

My name is Kate and this has got to be like the 10th time I have attempted to do a diary. My first attempt 4 years ago resulted in a weight loss of 50lb, a fitness level that made it possible for me to run a half marathon and a happy, more confident, less self-conscious person but now I have gained it all and more and I truly hate myself. I'm really disgusted with myself. I don't go out if possible and I just sit at home and ram whatever bad food I can into my face cos in my head I don't deserve to be slim. I have had a weight problem since I was 11 (42 now) and 4 years ago was the first and only time in my life where I wouldn't had considered myself fat and I blew it. I can't bring myself to go back to the gym cos I know that they will judge me. I have tried running again but have to run where no-one can see me (I was laughed at by two guys some weeks back and it totally floored me) I can do about 30 mins but I'm way slower than I was.

I am trying everything. I go to a weight loss club but in 9 months I have lost about 8lb!! I just keep going up and down a few lb each week. I have a fitbit and am great for a week and then don't give a shit for a while. I have a star chat with really cool stickers to try and inspire me but give up on that after a few days too. I am the typical 'i'll start tomorrow' person.

I think I need to do this with baby steps so my only aim this week is to post on here every single day..........NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

I have just weighed and measured myself :eek:

Weight; 226.5lb
Measurements:-
Neck; 37cm
Boobs; 120cm
Arm; 36.5cm
Waist; 104cm
Hips; 125.5cm
Thigh; 70.5cm
Calf; 44.5cm

COME ON KATE, YOU CAN DO THIS :)
 
Welcome back Kate! Glad your here but not glad you are struggling. Like you said, YOU CAN DO THIS!!
 
Aww thanks Kaplooie (loving the name by the way [emoji41])
I did wake up this morning feeling much more positive about this and have only had one or two of those 'in your head' arguments so far and I haven't caved yet, I usually have by now.
Just been for a 20 min walk in my lunch break (get me![emoji12]) I've done 7836 steps so far today, I'm aiming to do at least 15000.
I've joined the work week Fitbit challenge with others that go to the fat club I go to and I wanna win [emoji15] I'm second at the moment.
I'll post again later, hopefully telling you all that I had a perfect day [emoji3]


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Hi Kate, I wasn´t here 4 years ago (which is not the same as not-struggling-with-weightloss) so I don´t know you but I think starting a (new) diary here is a good step! People laughing at others, especially people who are trying to better themselves, are not worth consideration, they are below low. Good luck getting back to where you need to be!
 
Hi everyone.

Yay! I had a good day. Still lots of 'arguments' with myself but I've managed to do well today. :) I'm really going to have to take this one day at a time.

I go to weight watchers and I'm allowed 32 pro points a day. Today I had 28 :)

My sticker chart has. 'stayed within my points' 'did 30 active minutes on fitbit' 'walked/ran 5 miles' 'did 10,000 steps' 'burnt 2500 calories on fitbit' I get a star for each and if I get all 5 then I get a bonus smiley sticker (yep, I'm that pathetic lol)

I got all my stickers and bonus smiley today :hurray:

So far today, according to my fitbit, I have done 18,954 steps. Walked/run 8.58 miles (I did a 30 min run :) ). Burnt 2,751 calories and did 86 active minutes.

Good first day.

Hi LaMaria.
Thanks for stopping by. I was so so hurt when those guys laughed at me while I was running. The problem is that I can see why they did. I am huge, was very very red faced and sweaty. I did spend a few days telling myself that I was stupid to even think that It is ok to go out and try and get fit. I wanted to just forget it all and face the fact that I'm too old and past it, as well as fat. It really did knock me back.
What was lovely was how angry my friends were, they all said 'hope you had a go at them' no I didn't and that is something I would never do. too weak :(
Thank you for your support sweetie. X
 
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Damn dudes at the gym. Have the same problem sometimes. Usually the young ones who think they are invincible. Fun fact, if they are harassing you, you can get them suspended or banned at most gyms. Its usually considered unacceptable behavior by management. Great job today, I have a fit bit too although my stats are not as good as yours today! I wore my work boots on my hike with my dog and I'm surprised I made it back to the car without having to ride my dog. So I'm about 2000 steps short of my goal.
 
:D I love the idea of the stickers! Most people eat to comfort the scared/lonely/upset child inside so why not try and encourage it in other ways? Great work getting that perfect day!

No one, however, needs to get laughed at. There was an Austrian politician who famously said he was too young, too rich and too good-looking (no idea if it´s rightfully attributed but it became something of a running gag) to do X. I say I´m too old, too rich and too cynical to try and impress other people. We owe nobody (their idea of) beauty, but we do owe them some basic human decency. Which means the overweight/"ugly"/weird person who goes out in public does nothing wrong, but the person who shames them does.
 
Oh Kate. I felt angry when I read that about the guys laughing at you. My 1st thought was "The bastards! I hope you gave them what for" and you didn't. NOOO. They deserved to be told! I have just sent them one enormous slap! How bloody dare they? It's time you started employing a bit of Catherine Tait my lovely friend. "Am I bovvered?" I love Catherine Tate. I so want to meet you one day Kate! You can do this sweetie. Just remember here you are part of a team & we are all in this together & all on the same side! Love you to bits, xoxo Cate.
 
Hello my lovelies :)

Ive had a really good day today :hurray:
Tuesday is weigh day at fat club. I am one of the helpers so I have to go every week but I can choose not to weigh and I chose not to weigh (last week was my birthday and I wasn't at meeting and I have had a terrible week ) so to make sure I kept positive I didn't weigh. It was a really fun night, they are a great bunch of people and there was lots of banter about who was gonna win the fitbit challenge. It's great, I've made some really good friends there. Tuesday after fat club is always treat night (even though I am rubbish the rest of the week lol) and I normally pig out until I feel sick but this evening I had a bar of choc and a bag of crackers (while I was walking!!!) I'm well chuffed with that. Back on it tomorrow.

I think I am becoming obsessed with winning this fitbit thing (which is better than obsessing about food, right??!!!!)
Today I have done.......23,992 steps! walked 10.17 miles!! burnt 3008 calories and done 131 active mins :eek:
And I'm in first place (smug face)

Thank you guys for your support about these two dickheads that laughed at me. It wasn't at the gym :( When I use to go running (all them years ago lol) I would run on the path along side the main road where there was lots of traffic but I was too self conscious this time round to do that (I do know that I look ridiculous out running at this size) so I went the other way where the streets are much quieter and this was where I encountered them. They pulled up in a van and as one got out he pointed me out to his mate they both looked and laughed. Some how I managed to put my head down and run past them but spent the rest of my run feeling just aweful and then didn't run again for weeks. I now run along cycle tracks and everyone there is being active and trying to keep fit so they don't tend to judge. I even had a thumbs up from one guy the first time I went running after 'laughing incident'. That was really cool, it was kinda like he could tell that I was feeling really self conscious and he knew a thumbs up would help put a smile on my face.

I took my dogs for a mega long walk this evening to try and break in my new hiking boot (that's a crap excuse, i wanted to win the fitbit thing lol)and my feet feel bad enough Kaplooie. I cant imagine doing it in steel toe caps lol

LaMaria. my sticker chart is all girly and pretty, I have used different colours and patterns, just like a child. photocopied it so I have one for each week too. I am very proud of it :) I also have a chart for my running. They are both up on my bedroom wall :) yes, I am 5!!! :blush5:

Awww Cate, my internet mum. I have missed you so so much. You are truly my rock. Love you :beating: How about me being the stroppy teenager who isn't 'bovvered' and you can be Nan effing and jeffing at them LOL

Thank you guys for your kindness and support :)

Sorry I'm not gonna get chance to have a read of your diaries tonite.........got a little fitbit carried away and didn't get in til after 9pm. Off to bed now. Much love and great big hugs. Xoxo
 
"23,992 steps! walked 10.17 miles!! burnt 3008 calories and done 131 active mins"
:party:
WEE HOO!!
View attachment 23064
How dare they?​
How's that? Nice that other guy gave you the thumbs up. Mostly people are good. I choose to think that anyway. I had better scoot- playing golf with the women today. Hope I get through the day unscathed. I am choosing to not let any bitchiness affect me personally. I will stand up to anyone. "Do I look bovvered?" I actually will use my Catherine Tait notebook at our meeting afterwards xoxo Cate
 
Hi Kate!!

I can seriously relate....I am 45 and finally feel like I am where I want to be. I've lost about 44 pounds within the last couple of years and have energy like I've never had before....
People are cruel. We let them get in our heads. You should be holding your head high. Do life with confidence. Better yourself one day at a time. We are all human and deviate from our original path sometimes...the important thing is we find our focus again and move forward.
I now try to help people improve their health. Hang in there!! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat.
Life is short..make everyday count!! (-:
 
Yay for nice people! Great work getting back to running anyway and a little bit of an obsession with healthy food and exercise doesn´t hurt. Have you been a WW assistant for long? I once went to meetings for a while but I wasn´t consistent with it simply because it´s so expensive to go every week. I could imagine having an assigned task there would make you feel more bound to stick with it.
 
Hi Everyone.

Another really good day :hurray: My fitbit obsession has kept up and I've had a really good food day too. Yay!!

I did a 35 min run today and totally loved it :) That was the first run I have actually enjoyed. I also noticed that I don't have trouble breathing like 4 years ago. I now don't smoke and the difference is really noticeable. I gave up 18 months ago (that didn't help with the weight gain lol) I did it along the railway line at the top of my road(its now a cycle path), I walked up, which took and hour and then ran all the way back down. My feet hurt but that's because I have done 66,653 steps since Monday!! Had a soak in the bath to try and relieve the aches so I can go for a hike tomorrow. like I said.....obsessed :)

Again another late night but I suppose seeing as I'm exercising rather than sat here watching tv then it's ok.

I have the day off work tomorrow because my son gets his GCSE results (for you non English folk, it's the exams they take when they leave school) Yes, Cate. My baby boy is 16!!! I will be taking him to the school to get them and we will probably go out for breakfast (it probably wont be great, food wise but I will try and keep it controlled) then i'll sort a pack and map and off I go for a hike :)

Todays Fitbit details
23,271 steps
10.67 miles
3,075 calories burnt
104 minutes active minutes

Aww Cate. I really wish I could be like that. I still take everything way to personally. The fatter I am and more self-conscious I am the worse I am. Maybe one day i'll get there.

Kaplooie, you should be my fitbit buddy and we can battle! Then you can ache as badly as I do lol

LaMaria. I started before Christmas and joined the 'team' about 5 weeks later. It really does help because I have to go every week. I know I wouldn't be going still if I had to pay and I also would have given up because I haven't done very well. Are you in the UK? there is a scheme where you can go to the Dr and they can refer you. You get 12 weeks free and if you lose 5% of your body weight in that time then they can renew it. I started on that scheme so have never had to pay.
 
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Don't get me wrong sweetie. I still take things personally, but then I have this inner strong voice that says "eff you" & I speak up. With age has come lots of strength. There has to be an advantage :) What happens now for J? Does he go to a college? You have done well with that sweet boy of yours. I bet he has a good future. I can't imagine him rubbishing people, if he's anything like you. Well done on the ginormous number of steps. Look at you go!!! xoxo Cate
 
Jack's exam results were not good [emoji25] gutted.
I think I'm gonna struggle today........all I wanna do is eat crap, sit on the sofa and wallow in self pity at what a crap mum I am.


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No, you are not!!! Don't eat crap please sweetie! I failed year 11 at high school, learned a lesson, repeated it & went on to do well at school. It was sure not my mother's fault!! Don't do that to yourself please [emoji171] xoxoC


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It is not too late dear. I've been at my goal weight 4 times and gained it all back and more. Now I'm a 68 yr old widow with so many aches,pains,diabetes.hi blood oressure, a cancer survivor, copd, need I go on. But it's is NEVER too late dear and just take each day, one at a time and nothing can stop you --But you

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Hi guys.
sorry for my self pity this morning. I was just completely gutted for him, I got really upset at the school but the teacher etc were great. he said that he was more upset at how disappointed we were that he couldn't go on to do A levels than the grades. he was like 'I am so sorry' It really has given him a kick up the backside seeing that he can't get away with not putting the effort in.
So, it looks like he is still going to stay on at 6th form but will do a 1 year 'preforming arts' course and do his maths and English resits then he can see from there. he could (if he gets the grades second time round) do A levels or something else if he has decided he wants to do something different.

Thank you Cate (again) you always manage to give me perfect advice or say just the right thing when I need it. I did as you said and didn't just sit around and eat crap :) Jack was so gutted that he didn't want to go out for breakfast either so I went for a walk with Jack, his girlfriend Amy and the dogs down to the beach. I actually had a really good food day too :)
Then someone over took me on the fitbit challenge after dinner so...........I went for a 7km hike up hills and stuff :eek: Now back to 8,800 steps ahead in first place. Still got tomorrow to go but I've done 87,160 steps since Monday. I'm aiming to reach 100,000!!!

I did have a big ice-cream this evening out on my hike but I 'pointed' it and I actually earnt more points with my walking today anyway.

Fitbit details:
20,320 steps
8.69 miles
2,821 calories burnt
154 active minutes
 
I needed that kick up the backside too Kate when I was about Jack's age. I thought I could just breeze through school without doing any work. It sure was a hard lesson, having to stay back & repeat a year. It was a good one though.
I'm glad that I can help you sweetie. I think you know me well enough to always know my intentions. Well done on having such a good day, when it could have gone totally bonkers!(note my use of one of your terms) Mwah xoxo Cate
 
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