Jessicathegreat diary day one

J

jessicathegreat

New member
Day 1: August 25, 2006
I've tried doing something like this before and it didn't work, but I also didn't have any people to support me and inspire me. Right now my starting weight is 210lbs. My ideal weight would be 130lbs - 140lbs and I'd like to accomplish this in a year or less. I've been fat for most of my life. I remember turning points and ridicule and teasing that has never left my mind, some of it even from elementary school. I remember thinking I was fat since elementary school but still liking certain things about myself. That has gradually diminished with time. It must be deeply subconscious with me because I have a wonderful boyfriend of 3 years that loves every inch of me, but it's so hard for me to believe him. He encourages me to lose weight if it will make me happy but he also tells me how much he loves me the way I am. He has made me see what I am doing to myself, constantly complaining, hardly ever wanting to go out, not thinking I deserve nice clothes or makeup, decaying into depression and isolation, hating myself everyday when I should be encouraging myself and enjoying my 20s. All I see when I look in the mirror is a blubbery beached whale, a lard-ass thunder-thighed cottage-cheese cellulite-filled pizza-dough-fat FATTY. I pull and pinch and imagine cutting off my fat, imagine it melting away in the shower or make a ridiculous wish that somehow it will magically disappear when I wake up. I realize all of that is pure bullshit now and it is going to take a lot A LOT of work for me to be happy, emotionally and physically. The wounds are deep and the inches of fat are just as apparent. I have to allow myself to heal and make myself believe that physical appearance is not what makes a person who they are, media influences have crept into my brain and poisoned the well. I will never be perfect; all I can do is learn to accept my imperfections and work hard to change the ones I can.
 
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Welcome
I know you can do it
you will get alot of support here if you can join some of the challenges here it helps to modivate you as well
welcome to the forum
 
Clearly you've done the thinking, now do the doing ;)

What a perfect age to get into fighting the good fight. Just think of the great healthy years ahead of you. We can all lose weight but we can't change time - make your youth count.

Welcome to the next level.
 
You and I are in a similar boat, I am around 207 and would like to get down to the 140's within a year! Its do-able, we can do it! welcome!
 
Day 2: August, 26 2006
Okay, I'm leaving for Michigan for two weeks, going to travel in a big RV with a hippy so it should take about 4-5 days. I haven't been home for about a year (I'm in California) and I'm 20lbs thinner, not that I can tell a big difference though. Maybe my family and friends will. I really feel like a failure going home without losing more weight, my plan was to have it all off by the time I went home, and there would be ooooooing and ahhhhing, but no. I've been so damn lazy and depressed. The next time I see all my friends I definately want to be down to my goal weight, it's so imbarressing to me, I've changed as a person...I've gone through a lot of shit in the last year that I never thought I would but I haven't changed that much physically. I'm going to try to enjoy myself regardless. I'm so anxious to see everyone. I'm also going to be away from my boyfriend for the longest amount of time since we've been together. I'll be sad but I know it's for the best, we need a brake from each other to appreciate each other more.
So anyway, for the trip I've only brought a few provisions...pretzels, peanut butter, coffee, water, nutrigrain banana bars, and some lemonheads. Since I will be so imoble for about 5 days and not burning a lot of calories I don't want to take in calories. Just coffee in the morning, which keeps me going for most of the day, and a snack or two and plenty of water.
I know it isn't healthy, but I've been restricting myself to about 500 - 1000 calories a day, that's how I lost the 20lbs since michigan, but I know it doesn't even work well. I want to keep my calories low, but fill up on lots of vegetables, some protein and good carbs. THen increase my exercise. I lost 30lbs in highschool by just running everyday (well jogging) got up to 5 miles a day. I know how to do this, I just have to stop complaining and being a whinney little fat girl and DO IT. Okay, that's enough writing for today, my ride should be here any minute....so keep on rockin in the free world.
 
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Don't forget to eat!

You need to be taking in 12-1500 calories a day just for basic functioning, so restricting yourself to a diet of 500-1000 calories a day isn't just dangerous, it's counterproductive. The weight you lose this way will just come back when you're back to eating the way you were before.

The diet I'm following is 12-1500 calories a day, and I usually eat 4 meals. My meals are balanced with 40% protein, 30% carbs, and 30% fat (but the good kind: olive oil, nut oils, flaxseed oil, etc). I'm not eating any complex carbs like bread or pasta or rice. This is a 'metabolic booster' diet, which I'll stay on for 4-6 weeks, at which time, when my metabolism's ass has been kicked to start working properly, I'll switch to a continuum diet, where my balance shifts from 40% protein and 30% carbs to 30% protein and 40% carbs.

I've never dieted before, really, and I'm having a lot of success with this (in conjunction with regular exercise). You might want to try it.

I hear you about not being a whiney fat person and and just doing it, and believe me, it's doable. It takes a little extra effort, but it's so worth it!! There are a lot of people here who can give you good advice, and your boyfriend clearly supports you.

:) Hope your RV trip was great, by the way. There's nothing better than travelling with hippies.
 
good luck to ya and LMAO(T2) I havent heard the word shrooms for years !yummmmmy nothing like something grown on cow manuer!Tammy
 
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