It'sNeverTooLate

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freenstrong

freenstrong

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Sunday, January 22, 2017 - Height-5'2" - Weight 151

I spent 2 years losing 100 pounds - that was 3 years ago - Only had 20 more to go - Got slack, quit exercising, starting eating too much again, gained 20 pounds back! Now I have to lose 40 pounds at least to get rid of the 20 I gained back and 20 more to finish the rest. (sigh) But, OK - it is what it is - Dare it and Do it!

I lost the first 100 by being obsessed 24-7 with losing it - hating myself and stressed all the time.
Life got harder and problems interfered with my obsession.
I need to get back to what worked and finish this. But the change will not be temporary this time.
It's a life-change.
I work a lot (full time job) and put all my energy into my job - up at 3:30 AM - back home around 7PM (because I don't have a car & have to take the city bus to & from work which takes 4-5 hours a day)- not enough time in a 24 hour day for enough sleep much less household chores, exercise, food prep and cooking and an endless list of other things. A hobby - what's that? - if it takes any time then I don't have it.

I want my life to change! I want to be healthier for the rest of my life however long that is. Happier.
I want time to enjoy a hobby that I love, if not 2 or 3 hobbies.
I want a life other that getting up and going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark exhausted and ravenous and eating everything I can get my hands on because I just want to eat dinner (because I feel like I'm starving when I get home at night) and get to bed.

My biggest vices are binge eating at night because I am too tired to not eat too much. And my craving (addiction?) for bread & sweets at night because it is comforting/enjoyable, which I have not felt all day.
I do fine all day - because I am working hard - but at night I get completely out of control because I am thru for the day, done, refuse to lift one finger to do anything, too tired to practice self control.

I want to change that weakness as a total overhaul of habit. Somehow. I need to be obsessed again.
Obsession begins now. (since I just had mixed nuts for lunch)
I am going grocery shopping today and buying a lot of greens, chicken, fish, canadian bacon, blueberries, bananas, lemons (for water & tea), survivor juice (coffee), eggs, not as much cheddar cheese.
No ice cream, cake, pie, bread. And I won't need butter if I don't have any toast to put it on.
If my son wants anything off my grocery list he will have to buy it himself. He's a cookie monster himself but I made cookies yesterday so he should be satisfied with that for a few days.

I've said plenty to shame myself.
Now to start healing myself. I felt great when I lost that 100 pounds - went from a size 20 wide to a 7 regular. Now I am back up to a 12/14. (tears) I don't have a thyroid which makes losing weight very hard ( A doctor destroyed it many years ago by giving me wrong medication for something else.)
I vow I will get back to that 7 regular and on down to a 6 petite and stay there!

Time to get off my ass & get busy. Tomorrow's goal is 149 pounds.
 
Hi, freenstrong & a great big welcome to the forum. Firstly I read your first entry & got a shock when you said-
freenstrong said:
I've said plenty to shame myself.
Click to expand...
I really did. I see nothing there to be ashamed of. I see someone who is working way too hard, with very little time to spare to do anything else. I also see someone who is prepared to make changes for the better. Good for you! Welcome to team WLF :D
 
What Cate said. I would collapse under your workload. The thing that stands out to me most is how little you sleep; lack of sleep raises your cortisol levels, making your body want to convert energy to body fat instead of spending it on making you feel good and doing fun stuff :(

Welcome on board and best of luck on your journey!
 
Greetings to all and thank you Cate and LaMaria for your friendly messages. The reason why I have not been here for 3 weeks:
I first came on here Jan. 22, all gung-ho to start exercising again and lose extra weight then that very night I cracked a rib that was previously broken a year and a half ago. I hit the same rib in the same spot with a dog shampoo bottle while in the shower shampooing my dog! What did I learn? Don't slam the lid on a bottle while the bottom end of the bottle is pressed against a previously broken rib.
Well, now I can't do any exercise for at least 6 weeks accept walk. The first 2 weeks was too uncomfortable to even walk-doing good to go to work everyday. The pain is almost gone so in 3 more weeks I am going to get with the push-ups, dumb bells and some crazy dance moves.
Of course the last 3 weeks I wallowed in self-pity and ate too much and put on five more pounds! OK. I'm thru crying now. Today I am going to start changing the way I eat from too much to enough already! I can work on getting that in control and develop a healthier eating habit the 3 weeks I am waiting for my stupidity to heal.
For breakfast this morning I ate a "wrap" of 100% sprouted grains tortilla, turkey breast, spinach, & horseradish mustard.
Remember this: Starting over does not mean pigging out - it means its never too late to change/improve.
Hmmm...the more coffee I drink the better I feel....
 
Sorry to hear about the cracked rib. I was out of it for two weeks due to an evil virus and am now having trouble regaining my exercise motivation :ambivalence: but... these things will come and go for the rest of our lives. Let's get on with it anyway :)
 
You know, the good thing is that weight loss begins in the kitchen - toning begins in exercise :D Just because you can't exercise, doesn't mean you can't take these 6 weeks (or whatever time you have left) to double up on your nutrition knowledge, start prepping some healthy meals and snacks and get motivated to make every calorie benefit you!

You've got this! Not you might have this or you've sorta got this - but you have got this!

Take care!
 
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