It's_Time
New member
Hello everyone, I'm feeling pretty sad and upset with myself as of lately. I know this isn't the attitude I should have so I decided it's time to make some changes. I wanted to join a forum with people who have the same goals in mind as myself. I have struggled my entire life with my weight and self esteem issues. I have so many reasons I want to loose weight for myself. If I listed them all I would be up all night!
Let me just keep it as short and simple as possible if you guys have any questions for me I will answer them openly and honestly. This is also something I struggle with. I want to just put it all out there for the first time in my life. Even the people who are the absolute closes to me don't know the extent of my troubles. I tear up a bit as I write this because I just hurt so much I am twenty and all I think about 24/7 is my weight. I've gone so far as comparing myself to children just wishing my legs or arms could be as thin as a seven or ten year old child. I've wanted to seek help but I don't have the funds. I wont let it eat away at me any longer so I'll tell my story here in hopes of at least getting it off my chest.
I'll start off at my highest weight. I'm 5'6 and my highest weight was around 210 pounds.
Then my home life was fine I was around 15 or 16. My father abandoned my mother, sister and I to live his life with a new family. This hurt as you could imagine. My mother hadn't worked in over eighteen years so finding a job wouldn't be easy. We moved in with distant relatives between the time I was 16 to 18 I got down to about 175. I moved about six times in the course of 2 and a half years. When I was able to get a job I got my own house(rented), and car. This was when I was 19 early in the year. This is when I got to my smallest weight I went from around 175 to 135 with in 3 and a half months.
Here is where I am going to be honest. I got to that weight because I was not eating for days on end, taking over 6 laxatives daily, and taking drugs to speed myself up. Not healthy what so ever I know its cringeworthy I was happy with what I saw in the mirror. Not the way I was acting or feeling.
I had to go to the hospital after causing myself to have a flare up. I also have chron's disease the doctor told my to stop this or I could kill myself. Well I tried, until I lost my house, car, job, and relationship with both of my parents. I took a rope out to the woods and picked a tree to hang myself, but I got a sign from god after praying. I wont get into all that since I don't know everyone's view on religion.
Here I am at 20. I am starting to get out of the depression I was in. I live for my twin sister my best friend in the entire world and the reason I'm still here today. I've got a new job, I'm living with family who are really supportive. I'm on the right track and I think it's time to focus on helping myself. Not just my weight but my mind. Over about six or so months I've gained about 30 pounds which has got me thinking about the harder points in my life. Which is why I want a change, but I want to do it in a healthy way this time.
I've started working out about 30 minutes daily, and I'm starting a healthy food diet tomorrow. I figure if I post these pictures I will be motivated along with hearing everyone else's journey. This is a bit...No this is extremely scary for me. I've never let anyone see my body and I'm going to take a huge leap here in hopes of really getting that push I need. So here goes nothing!
First off here is me around 175-180 (I don't have a picture at my heaviest weight.) and I know these aren't the best pictures I apologize.
View attachment 20026View attachment 20027
And here at around 140 (I also don't have pictures at my smallest.)
View attachment 20028View attachment 20029
What I weighed about two weeks ago was 163 here are pictures I took of myself today.
My goal is to loose about 45 to 50 pounds through exercise and diet. I hope everyone will follow my journey I'll try to update as any progress is made. Thanks for reading my long and messy story!
Let me just keep it as short and simple as possible if you guys have any questions for me I will answer them openly and honestly. This is also something I struggle with. I want to just put it all out there for the first time in my life. Even the people who are the absolute closes to me don't know the extent of my troubles. I tear up a bit as I write this because I just hurt so much I am twenty and all I think about 24/7 is my weight. I've gone so far as comparing myself to children just wishing my legs or arms could be as thin as a seven or ten year old child. I've wanted to seek help but I don't have the funds. I wont let it eat away at me any longer so I'll tell my story here in hopes of at least getting it off my chest.
I'll start off at my highest weight. I'm 5'6 and my highest weight was around 210 pounds.
Then my home life was fine I was around 15 or 16. My father abandoned my mother, sister and I to live his life with a new family. This hurt as you could imagine. My mother hadn't worked in over eighteen years so finding a job wouldn't be easy. We moved in with distant relatives between the time I was 16 to 18 I got down to about 175. I moved about six times in the course of 2 and a half years. When I was able to get a job I got my own house(rented), and car. This was when I was 19 early in the year. This is when I got to my smallest weight I went from around 175 to 135 with in 3 and a half months.
Here is where I am going to be honest. I got to that weight because I was not eating for days on end, taking over 6 laxatives daily, and taking drugs to speed myself up. Not healthy what so ever I know its cringeworthy I was happy with what I saw in the mirror. Not the way I was acting or feeling.
I had to go to the hospital after causing myself to have a flare up. I also have chron's disease the doctor told my to stop this or I could kill myself. Well I tried, until I lost my house, car, job, and relationship with both of my parents. I took a rope out to the woods and picked a tree to hang myself, but I got a sign from god after praying. I wont get into all that since I don't know everyone's view on religion.
Here I am at 20. I am starting to get out of the depression I was in. I live for my twin sister my best friend in the entire world and the reason I'm still here today. I've got a new job, I'm living with family who are really supportive. I'm on the right track and I think it's time to focus on helping myself. Not just my weight but my mind. Over about six or so months I've gained about 30 pounds which has got me thinking about the harder points in my life. Which is why I want a change, but I want to do it in a healthy way this time.
I've started working out about 30 minutes daily, and I'm starting a healthy food diet tomorrow. I figure if I post these pictures I will be motivated along with hearing everyone else's journey. This is a bit...No this is extremely scary for me. I've never let anyone see my body and I'm going to take a huge leap here in hopes of really getting that push I need. So here goes nothing!
First off here is me around 175-180 (I don't have a picture at my heaviest weight.) and I know these aren't the best pictures I apologize.
View attachment 20026View attachment 20027
And here at around 140 (I also don't have pictures at my smallest.)
View attachment 20028View attachment 20029
What I weighed about two weeks ago was 163 here are pictures I took of myself today.
My goal is to loose about 45 to 50 pounds through exercise and diet. I hope everyone will follow my journey I'll try to update as any progress is made. Thanks for reading my long and messy story!