I'm here to save you

Steve

Steve

Member
Staff member
Hi, my name is Stephen VanBanderlickeroostermonkey.

I am the premier authority on fat loss; an expert if you will. Actually, not an expert....

It's more like The Expert.

You can address me as Dr. VanBanderlickeroostermonkey or Expert Stephen.

I've researched every demographic and study dealing with obese populations. I'm confident that I know every single thing there is to know about fat loss in the entire Milky Way galaxy.

With that out of the way.... I am here to help. I have extremely strong powers and can help ANYONE lose weight. I'm not selling anything.

The first step is to tell me a bit about yourself.

I need to know your name, age, weight, goals, past experiences with dieting, your shoe size, sex, hair color, waist measurement, address, bank account number, marital status, tax filing status, favorite foods.

With these things answered, I'll be able to tell if you are a glutton or not.

If we find that you ARE a glutton, I will tell you that you are gluttonous.

Once you realize that you are a glutton from me telling you, you will take corrective action and lose weight.

With that said, I'll await to hear from anyone willing to stop being a sissy, suck it up, and lose the fat!!!! I'm here to masticate your gluttonous ways and create a new you!

I'm not trying to proselytize anyone here; however, if you don't agree with me or my Fat Loss Facts, you are incorrect. Prove me wrong if you dare to try!!!!!

You can reach me via PM too.

Gluttony gluttonous gluttonomy glute, chant it with me!
 
Easy.

Say it with me. I act gluttonously. I am a glutton.

Today, I am not going to be gluttonous.

Did I mention gluttony?

Yea, do this and your behavior will change. You see, you made the decision to gain weight. It's up to you to make the decision to lose it.

With my Super Brain, I already know exactly how you gained excess fat Jeremy. Are you ready for this.

You ate too much.
 
lust is the better deadly sin...
and lust burns major calories...

I was sooo ready to ban the starter of this thread too :)
 
where is the button to request a sticky?

Edit:

I was sooo ready to ban the starter of this thread too
Click to expand...

doooo it mal... come to the dark side... we have healthy alternatives to cookies...
 
you have to beg a moderator - or offer sexual favors to a moderator.. your choice of mods... steve is kinda tasty looking :D though anewlywed so he might not need any favors done.. :D
 
:rofl:

The problem with this idiot's theory, and I'm talking about the original idiot, NOT Steve, is that there is a failure to address WHY people are glutoneous OR actually excessively HUNGRY and how this viscious cycle can be stopped. That is obviously the KEY to weightloss, more so than calorie counting or exercising (though both are extremely useful tools). But you can count cals all day long and if you can't control your eating because of literally PRIMAL urges that keep telling you to eat, knowing the number of calories is USELESS (though still helpful for the food uneducated to know how high some foods actually are in cals), even exercise becomes useless.

Sometimes its hard to understand how STRONG these PRIMAL urges to eat can be because they occur deep in the brain and they do NOT occur with everyone. Those of us who've experienced this know how strong the urges can be. Either hunger or cravings, but either way its this primal urge that needs to be figured out. When you get to the root of that, I believe everything else literally falls into place.

For me, right now (and I'm known to change up like the wind), I've discovered that eating 3 nice solid meals spaced 5-7 hours apart, and no eating past 7pm if possible, is totally KILLING my cravings and hunger. I am AMAZED but very pleased. I've been struggling with my cravings and hunger for months, as is evident in my daily diary rants.

According to this theory that I'm STILL TESTING, the desire to eat has to do with our leptin hormones so that if we simply stick to our normal leptin rhythms, and we allow our fat burning to kick in (which supposedly occurs most on an EMPTY stomach around 3 hours after eating, hence why you space your meals apart).

I dunno, still figuring it out, but its certainly worked to kill the cravings FOR NOW. Proof is that I didn't have ONE Halloween candy yesterday.
 
Ahhh, welcome to my thread. Mal and Pig, you are both in denial. You are gluttons. Stop denying the fact that you are weak minded and are afraid of not losing weight.

You gluttons.

Yes, I can tell this from the few words you've posted here.
 
Steve said:
Ahhh, welcome to my thread. Mal and Pig, you are both in denial. You are gluttons. Stop denying the fact that you are weak minded and are afraid of not losing weight.

You gluttons.

Yes, I can tell this from the few words you've posted here.
Click to expand...

I am a glutton and unapologetic about it... I'd prefer to be a lustful whore though - can you cal me that though? :D please.. if you call me a glutton it makes it so - if you call me a whore then i might actually get laid.. How can I argue with such logic :D

i am weak minded.. probably why i couldn't do many exercises...

Denial -isn't that the river in egypt - i wish i was there -but alas there's a ban on vacations inthe office til the end of the year... damn shame since i have 115 hours that i have to burn..
 
Hi,

I'm David. I finally decided to lose my 70 lbs of excess weight. I've used all of the calculamaters and they say I should eat 2000 calories a day. That sounds like a lot! The only thing I eat 2000 of at one time is rice*

They say doing this I should lose 2 lbs a week.
But I am much more motivated than that, plus I want to lose weight much quicker. Here's my plan, I've lost 4 pounds already!:

I only eat 400 calories a day! Plus I do 2 hours of cardio, each morning, and 2 hours of weight training every night. I don't want to join a gym and the only equipment I own is a stress ball and a Suzanne Somers thigh-master (that's good enuf, right?)

I don't cook and I only like fast food, so I eat one McDonalds double cheeseburger extra value meal every day at lunch, but I only eat some of the fries. The rest of the day I eat nothing, but I do drink 5 liters of caffein-free Dr. Diet Pepper. I don't like most (well any) vegetables or fruit. But the cheeseburger has a pickle on it, which I eat (yuck!) so I'm okay, nutrition-wise.

I am having the tiniest problem with constipation...but I hope it will pass.

AM I a glutton, Steve!

David
*RIP Mitch
 
Blancita said:
:rofl:

The problem with this idiot's theory, and I'm talking about the original idiot, NOT Steve, is that there is a failure to address WHY people are glutoneous OR actually excessively HUNGRY and how this viscious cycle can be stopped. That is obviously the KEY to weightloss, more so than calorie counting or exercising (though both are extremely useful tools). But you can count cals all day long and if you can't control your eating because of literally PRIMAL urges that keep telling you to eat, knowing the number of calories is USELESS (though still helpful for the food uneducated to know how high some foods actually are in cals), even exercise becomes useless.
Click to expand...

See thread where he called me out... he discredited all of this. Not with facts of course... just with meaningless jibber jabber.
 
maleficent said:
I am a glutton and unapologetic about it... I'd prefer to be a lustful whore though - can you cal me that though? :D please.. if you call me a glutton it makes it so - if you call me a whore then i might actually get laid.. How can I argue with such logic :D

i am weak minded.. probably why i couldn't do many exercises...

Denial -isn't that the river in egypt - i wish i was there -but alas there's a ban on vacations inthe office til the end of the year... damn shame since i have 115 hours that i have to burn..
Click to expand...

You have a severe case of avoidance. Stick to the topic at hand Mal.... we need to get rid of these gluttonous ways.

Find a study to prove me wrong.
 
I need to know your
name: Maleficent
age: 42
weight: 191
goals: getting laid
past experiences with dieting: there's a character limit in posts
your shoe size: 11 - is this meaningful
sex:not for 19 months and i tell ya making me a little crazy
hair color: only my colorist knows for sure but right now it's red
waist measurement: 32 inches
address: near the search button
bank account number: 123-456-789
marital status: single
tax filing status: single, head of household, 26 dependents -dust bunnies count as dependents right?
favorite foods: all

SAVE ME !!!.
 
Steve said:
You have a severe case of avoidance. Stick to the topic at hand Mal.... we need to get rid of these gluttonous ways.

Find a study to prove me wrong.
Click to expand...
I never met a tangent I didn't like...

oooh look at all the pretty colors over there...
 
DCarr10760 said:
Hi,

I'm David. I finally decided to lose my 70 lbs of excess weight. I've used all of the calculamaters and they say I should eat 2000 calories a day. That sounds like a lot! The only thing I eat 2000 of at one time is rice*

They say doing this I should lose 2 lbs a week.
But I am much more motivated than that, plus I want to lose weight much quicker. Here's my plan, I've lost 4 pounds already!:

I only eat 400 calories a day! Plus I do 2 hours of cardio, each morning, and 2 hours of weight training every night. I don't want to join a gym and the only equipment I own is a stress ball and a Suzanne Somers thigh-master (that's good enuf, right?)

I don't cook and I only like fast food, so I eat one McDonalds double cheeseburger extra value meal every day at lunch, but I only eat some of the fries. The rest of the day I eat nothing, but I do drink 5 liters of caffein-free Dr. Diet Pepper. I don't like most (well any) vegetables or fruit. But the cheeseburger has a pickle on it, which I eat (yuck!) so I'm okay, nutrition-wise.

I am having the tiniest problem with constipation...but I hope it will pass.

AM I a glutton, Steve!

David
*RIP Mitch
Click to expand...

You do not need my help. You see, there was food 100 years ago too but we were not fat. Now everyone is sissy gluttons who can't face the facts.

But you are different. If you eat 400 calories per day, you are not a glutton.

More people should be like you.
 
as long as the pizza is round -it's considered a well rounded meal that contains all the food groups... dairy,carbs, vegetable, fat, and tasty too - as long as youo only eatone pizza at a time, it's a good thing :)
 
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