If not now, then when?

Laura F

New member
Hello out there in the forum world!! Some of you might remember me from a year or two ago.... I previously had a diary called "When your fat jeans become your skinny jeans." It treated me well, for sure, and for those of you who'd like to catch up or refresh your memory, here's a link for you!!


http://weight-loss.fitness.com/t/42758/when-your-fat-jeans-become-your-skinny-jeans


To cover the bare minimum facts - I am 27, somewhere close to 5'8", female, 150 pounds, and would love to get down to 135 finally. I hit 137 for a brief time more than a year ago, but never quite got past that. More important to me than the weight, though, is just gaining a healthier relationship with food (I am a late-night binge eater!) and getting my muscles back (I could at one point and time run ten miles.... now I fight to get three in).


A bit of time has passed since I posted in that last journal.... Essentially, life got a little hectic, for me, anyway (it doesn't take much to derail me.) The biggest issue, though, was that after a split with a very long-term boyfriend I discovered he was keeping up with my life via this diary. It's not a private thing, obviously, I can't fault him for reading, but I wasn't comfortable with the situation and stopped writing. BUT! Here I am, a long time later, with a new diary, a new desire, and a new chance at a healthier lifestyle! I had been missing this place like crazy and even though it seems like most of the people that formed my support system back then have faded away like I did, I am looking forward to meeting lots of new people and hopefully re-connecting with at least some old faithfuls!


So, because it is getting late and I am quite tired, I will leave you with some more basics about my life. I am excited to start posting regularly and would have liked to have put more thought into this first post, but I also knew that my sleepy mind was going to trick me into deciding to put off starting a new journal for the zillionth time.... and I needed to start it N-O-W. If not now, then when?


Here we go!


I -


...live in Massachusetts, but grew up in the Midwest.
...live alone, leaving no witnesses for most of my eating habits.
...work in an office, where I sit on my booty all day.
...am studying to be a Certified Public Accountant, which means a year of my life will be spent on studying and exams.
...own two adorable guinea pigs, and don't care if that makes me a little kid.
...have been in an amazing relationship for just over a year, and hope to get him more active with me this summer.

...got a taste of hiking and camping last year and want to do it much more often gong forward.
...am notorious for binge eating around 10pm, on anything I can get my hands on.
...once considered myself a runner, and absolutely love doing races.
...just want to feel like I'm treating my body right, no matter what the scale says.
 
AWell here I am again! A bit more rested now. Thanks to actually starting this last night, I avoided that dreaded late night binge. I often climb out of bed to get snacks, meaning that even "going to bed" doesn't mean I'm in the clear. But at least I made it through Monday successfully! Oh, man, and I totally forgot there was ice cream in my fridge, that makes it even better!

I also jogged last night, because it was beautiful outside! Those first warm days of the year are amazing. And I downloaded an app called Zombies, Run! It's neat, it basically puts you into a story about zombies, and tells the story in between your songs. They even have zombie 'chases', where you have to speed up for a minute to run away from them (the program uses the phone's GPS). It totally helped me run farther and faster than I would have otherwise. Very cool idea!
 
Alright, today was a struggle with avoiding the snack foods, but I came out successful. I ate lunch and was just sitting at my desk at work trying to decide what type of chocolate to buy from the little convenience store downstairs. I felt like I NEEDED something sweet and delicious in my life at that exact moment. Thank goodness I don't have a vending machine down the hall anymore, or I would have been most of the way through a king size bag of M&Ms before even thinking about it. I decided to hold off and start researching online quickly what the best types of candies are, and after a while that instant craving subsided. Then it was semi-quieted by some raspberry lemonade Crystal Light (yum!). And later I snacked on dry roasted edamame (not quite as yum, but it helps when you want something crunchy).


It's 11:30 pm here now, and I am in bed fighting that late night snacking urge, and have been for hours. I was studying for a while, too, and that always makes me want to snack even worse. After dinner tonight all I've had is most of an apple (shared a bit with my guinea pigs), a stalk of celery with a bit of peanut butter, and a glass of decaf tea with no sweeteners.


Today feels like an accomplishment, after noshing on Birthday Cake oreos and ice cream and nachos all weekend, and drinking much more than I should have. I made the boyfriend take the oreos to his house, thank goodness, but the ice cream is still calling my name!
 
AI wouldn't say I won the battle of the snack urges today. I woke up starving, was offered a homemade cookie before lunch, and gladly accepted. No big deal, right? Well on Wednesdays at my office we have lunches brought in, and that usually means GIANT cookies. Well, I ate most of one of those.... And I wasn't even enjoying it! And I never really do!! Why do I keep eating them every other week or so if they aren't even enjoyable?? Silly me, I'll never figure that out. I even wrote myself a note once hoping that would make it sink in better. But it didn't work, apparently. So then later I scarfed down some chocolates to *actually* get rid of my sugar craving. ::sigh:: At least I didn't do any additional mindless snacking today!
 
AYesterday got worse after posting! I am a total emotional eater and I threw myself a little pity party last night and ate lots of junk food while watching last week's episode of Jersey Shore. I am studying for my CPA (Certified Public Accounting) exams, and considering the fact that after the test I will be able to do taxes and NOT save any lives, the test is ridiculously hard. Like 'study for 2 hours a day, every day, for two months, to take just ONE of the FOUR exams, oh, and you'll likely fail and have to retake at least one' hard. And no one is around to see how much time I put in so sometimes I get down about it. Yes, I just want someone to say "Hey, you must be tired from all that studying I see you doing! Great job with that!" And then I decide that eating cupcakes and ice cream and chips will help fulfill that desire. Well let me tell you, it doesn't!! Those stupid orange flavored Hostess cupcakes never told anybody they were doing a great job studying. Hmph.

In happier news - tomorrow is Friday! And this weekend is St Patricks Day! I may venture into Boston for the big parade. It's supposed to be amazingly warm, so if not I'll find something else fun to do outdoors.
 
Great Job Studying!!! Hang in there! Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how proud you are for all of your hard work.

Have fun at the parade if you go - I'll be celebrating too :)
 
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