WoodenSculpture
New member
But I know I'm going to need a lot of support in this journey, and I need some advice from people who come from similar situations.
When I was 8 or 10 is the first time I remember my parents encouraging me to lose weight. My mom commented so much on how I should be exercising more, and would tell me I HAVE to exercise for 1 hour each day. She never wanted to exercise with me, go out for walks, she just wanted me to use a exercise machine. I couldn't do it. it was so boring, I had nothing to stimulate my mind and I didn't have company. I remember going to my mom upset, as I couldn't seem to lose any weight(weight loss had not been explained to me as being a long journey and I would have to work towards it, she just wanted me to get thin) and I was worried she wouldn't love me anymore because I couldn't lose weight.
Looking back on it, its one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life, and would attribute it to most of my depression now.
I'm scared to lose weight. I don't want to. I never really had a craving to, I am healthy, I can go for 4km runs(which - doesn't seem like a lot, but the hills in our neighborhood are intense) on a daily basis if I have the right shoes(long story there, we won't get into it) but I've started walking now.
I've been trying to recover who I was as a child. a free, individual spirit that always got the comments of "you just see the best in people, don't you?" I went through the horrible traumas(a bit of sarcasm here!) of teenage-hood, and it changed who I was entirely. I became a bitter person in the inside. my outside stayed the same, I still communicated and went to the social gatherings.. but I wanted to hide most of the time. I just wanted to be alone. not because I got tired, I loved people, they energize me to a huge degree, but because I needed to get away from the amount of hate I felt towards everyone.
I've noticed, however, that many people I know who lose weight... lose friends. they lose people coming up to them and just being themselves, people get self conscious and feel judged. It was sometime last year that I truly understood the term "Beauty is on the inside". I had a customer - rudest guy ever - who kept his sunglasses on, stared at his phone and wouldn't even give me a smile as I told him to have a great day. I was dumbfounded that I had never believed the phrase before. here was an attractive young man, who I wouldn't even bat an eye at once I figured out what he acted like!
Unfortunately, most people I know haven't gone through an experience like that and are still very shallow. The crowd I hang out with is more ... nerdy? I'm attempting to keep this as anonymous as possible, I know my mother would be crushed if she found this forum through whatever way and saw my posts.
My brother is very thin, he lost a ton of weight awhile ago and looks fantastic. Anyways, we have a social outing in the week to hang out with our "nerdy" friends per say, and we noticed that this one man wasn't the nicest to him. However, after getting to know my brother they all love him to death. Hes a very friendly, approachable guy, as I am as well, but once he got thin people started to judge him more and seem less likely to approach him.
I don't want that.
I want people to still look at me for me, and I feel like being fatter allows them to do that. I am not obese(well, medically I am), I'm healthy and have worked towards getting healthy due to asthma I developed. not from the weight, but from a bad bout with a lung disease when I was younger. I can now run and have fun and do things that I couldn't do when I was younger. (I'm about 240 and 5'11", for the record. I'm aiming to lose 60-70 pounds, so I'll be about 170, as I have a larger frame)
But I've hit my breaking point. I still live with my family, and my mom made a comment about my weight again. it seems to come up in the most casual ways that she can, but she always makes very good eye contact with me, even if my sister, who is probably a good 50-100 pounds heavier then I am, is in the room.
My parents have favorite children. I'm not going to lie and say they don't, I believe most parents do. but my parents almost flaunt in my face that they don't get along with me. My dad loves my only brother, which is fine, and my mom loves my other two sisters. I only really get along with one of my sisters, whos quite thin, and my brother. Coming from a family of 6 its hard not to get along with half of them.
I'm still young, and I don't want to have to worry about weight, but its getting to the point that I can't deal with the comments that comes from my own mother. she made the comment around lunch time, and I barely ate anything, the comment made me so sick.
I don't know what to do. I'm going to start walking after meals and controlling how much I eat, but is there anything else I can do? I eat relatively healthy and don't even have the biggest portions as it is, I probably take in about 2,000 calories a day, if even that. .. I just want this all to be over.
I know not all of this is due to the fact that I am over weight, we have inner family tensions, as most people do, but I think that if I did this for my mom, things will get better. I need them to get better. I used to be able to get along with my mother, and now I can't.
I do appreciate the responses, just in case I forget to say it later. and I'm sorry for the gigantic post. You won't see much of me around the forum, I'm a lurker, but I'll probably always be watching. can't wait to get to know all of you.
When I was 8 or 10 is the first time I remember my parents encouraging me to lose weight. My mom commented so much on how I should be exercising more, and would tell me I HAVE to exercise for 1 hour each day. She never wanted to exercise with me, go out for walks, she just wanted me to use a exercise machine. I couldn't do it. it was so boring, I had nothing to stimulate my mind and I didn't have company. I remember going to my mom upset, as I couldn't seem to lose any weight(weight loss had not been explained to me as being a long journey and I would have to work towards it, she just wanted me to get thin) and I was worried she wouldn't love me anymore because I couldn't lose weight.
Looking back on it, its one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life, and would attribute it to most of my depression now.
I'm scared to lose weight. I don't want to. I never really had a craving to, I am healthy, I can go for 4km runs(which - doesn't seem like a lot, but the hills in our neighborhood are intense) on a daily basis if I have the right shoes(long story there, we won't get into it) but I've started walking now.
I've been trying to recover who I was as a child. a free, individual spirit that always got the comments of "you just see the best in people, don't you?" I went through the horrible traumas(a bit of sarcasm here!) of teenage-hood, and it changed who I was entirely. I became a bitter person in the inside. my outside stayed the same, I still communicated and went to the social gatherings.. but I wanted to hide most of the time. I just wanted to be alone. not because I got tired, I loved people, they energize me to a huge degree, but because I needed to get away from the amount of hate I felt towards everyone.
I've noticed, however, that many people I know who lose weight... lose friends. they lose people coming up to them and just being themselves, people get self conscious and feel judged. It was sometime last year that I truly understood the term "Beauty is on the inside". I had a customer - rudest guy ever - who kept his sunglasses on, stared at his phone and wouldn't even give me a smile as I told him to have a great day. I was dumbfounded that I had never believed the phrase before. here was an attractive young man, who I wouldn't even bat an eye at once I figured out what he acted like!
Unfortunately, most people I know haven't gone through an experience like that and are still very shallow. The crowd I hang out with is more ... nerdy? I'm attempting to keep this as anonymous as possible, I know my mother would be crushed if she found this forum through whatever way and saw my posts.
My brother is very thin, he lost a ton of weight awhile ago and looks fantastic. Anyways, we have a social outing in the week to hang out with our "nerdy" friends per say, and we noticed that this one man wasn't the nicest to him. However, after getting to know my brother they all love him to death. Hes a very friendly, approachable guy, as I am as well, but once he got thin people started to judge him more and seem less likely to approach him.
I don't want that.
I want people to still look at me for me, and I feel like being fatter allows them to do that. I am not obese(well, medically I am), I'm healthy and have worked towards getting healthy due to asthma I developed. not from the weight, but from a bad bout with a lung disease when I was younger. I can now run and have fun and do things that I couldn't do when I was younger. (I'm about 240 and 5'11", for the record. I'm aiming to lose 60-70 pounds, so I'll be about 170, as I have a larger frame)
But I've hit my breaking point. I still live with my family, and my mom made a comment about my weight again. it seems to come up in the most casual ways that she can, but she always makes very good eye contact with me, even if my sister, who is probably a good 50-100 pounds heavier then I am, is in the room.
My parents have favorite children. I'm not going to lie and say they don't, I believe most parents do. but my parents almost flaunt in my face that they don't get along with me. My dad loves my only brother, which is fine, and my mom loves my other two sisters. I only really get along with one of my sisters, whos quite thin, and my brother. Coming from a family of 6 its hard not to get along with half of them.
I'm still young, and I don't want to have to worry about weight, but its getting to the point that I can't deal with the comments that comes from my own mother. she made the comment around lunch time, and I barely ate anything, the comment made me so sick.
I don't know what to do. I'm going to start walking after meals and controlling how much I eat, but is there anything else I can do? I eat relatively healthy and don't even have the biggest portions as it is, I probably take in about 2,000 calories a day, if even that. .. I just want this all to be over.
I know not all of this is due to the fact that I am over weight, we have inner family tensions, as most people do, but I think that if I did this for my mom, things will get better. I need them to get better. I used to be able to get along with my mother, and now I can't.
I do appreciate the responses, just in case I forget to say it later. and I'm sorry for the gigantic post. You won't see much of me around the forum, I'm a lurker, but I'll probably always be watching. can't wait to get to know all of you.