I want to love myself again

NeverGiveUp2

NeverGiveUp2

New member
So 4 days ago I had a doctors appointment, at which he explained to me my blood and urine results. He basically told me that if I don't start doing things right and making some behavioural changes that I am going to eventually have diabetes. He also told me that I might have PCOS, and for that reason he put me on Metformin, i dont get my monthly visits if you know what I mean, and he's told me that a lot of things hint to it so hopefully with my medication and a lifestyle change my image and my health will change for the better. I am currently 280lbs, I am 5'8 and I have a large frame, and my ideal weight should be 170-175lbs. I have another doctors app in a month, I am hoping to lose at least 10-15lbs, anything more i'd be estatic of course. I honestly have not been doing anything active for these 4 past days, I work 40 hours a week, im on my feet all 8 hours, it's a pretty active job, and I can proudly say that I am monitoring my calories and what I eat and when I eat it, I am also journaling everything, my mood, my feelings and what I am eating, so I hope that with the days to come I will be able to teach myself and show myself the things I'm doing wrong and that way help myself correct them. Everytime I diet I really do become somewhat depressed, food is my comfort and when I take that away I become very moody and sad, so for the past 4 days i've been feeling down, but I'm not giving up. I did some naughty things tho..I had chocolate and nasty calorie pizza yesterday and it put me over my calorie count by 780, today I was over by 400...I feel horrible because both days that, that happend as it was happening I remeber telling myseld "why? and stop!" but I kept going. I am planning to hit the gym tomorrow after work and kick my own butt.

I really want to just do this for once Im sick and tired of giving up and being a failiure.
 
Maybe if you just focus on 10 pounds. Don't worry about anything else but 10 pounds, focus all your energy and thoughts on 10 pounds.

You can lose 10 pounds in less than a month so call it a short term goal and have fun with it. Make 30 days your goal, and work like crazy to see if you can beat it.

You just need a little success. Once you have a little taste of success more will come because it feeds off itself.

Mike
 
Welcome! :waves:
Eh so you messed up a bit. Don't fret, you aren't a failure! You're human we make mistakes. You made a mistake and you got better the second day! Be proud. Yesterday you were over by about 700, today 400, and tomorrow you can be on point or even a bit higher. You're still doing better either way. :) Good luck on your journey!
 
Mike Johnson - Thank you, your post put a smile on my face, I read your forum, and you are so right in everything you've said. :) Thanks again.

KaeBae- Thank you :) I actually went under my calories today, by about 400 I believe, not on purpose it just happend so Im kind of glad:)

Ok so, I have a question.
How do I eat small proper meals when my job allows me only one 15-30min break to eat lunch, and thats around 130pm every day and i dont get to eat again until 6pm. So basically Breakfast Lunch and dinner...but there isnt any snacks for me because of my work, it is so busy there that we dont have time to snack or take 1 min to snack, im always going and going. It really sucks because Idont want to deprive my body of food, I have tried not eating enough and that has only made me really hungry at night and then i'd be back at square one..ughh so much to think about.

Today Im under my cals by about 400-500 I believe, and its 11pm, im not about to go eat anything now. I did have dinner..but it was a small dinner, about a cup of rice, a small chicken breast with some eggplant and coleslaw, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Ps: i really need to get to the gym asap...i need to sweat ....to actually feel like im doing something.
 
Don't know if this would be a good idea or not but could you scarf back a meal replacement drink while you are at work to keep your energy up? It is an awful long time to go without anything. Welcome to the forum and keep posting. I second everything Mike said, especially about needing some success behind you. You just have to be patient the first few weeks till you see the scale move. Do you get to walk a lot on the job?
 
Hi happychubette : ive been actually thinkin about getting some meal replacements, im sure 1-2min to sip one back wouldnt kill me. I find myself always very under my calorie count and somewhat hungry right before bed. And yes to answer your question im on my feet 8 hours, moving around constantly, im in a pharmacy so im on my feet all the time, sometimes pacing back and forth when we are busy, bending to reach, then clean afterwards..its just really crazy sometimes, i come home beat as a dog, with aches in my body and that is a reason why i havent gone to the gym yet, i just find myself exhausted. But i shall try those meal replacements :) thank you


Day 6 : yay im just happy to be almost at 1 week, it feels good to have lasted this long :) My very first weigh-in isnt until sunday and im very anxious to see if there are any results , even like 3 lbs id be happy just to see the numbers going in the right direction. So today was good...but..i am under my calorie count by 800, not purposly, i am sad about it..coz its 2am and i have hunger cramps.
I just cant seem to eat enough to be at 2000cals.
it sucks....
 
You are not a failure.
A continuous stream of nothing but success, in fact, might, dare I say it, make you LESS human.
To err is human.

I started out close to where you are at back in June of 2010, and am very, very happy with the changes I'm noting --- down over 90 pounds in six months.
Did you find a weight-losing caloric range, and are eating within those constructs, or are you on a more specific system?
 
Welcome :) I hope that you've lost weight for your weigh in this week ... because you are not a failure! You have to believe in yourself (as cheesy as they may sound!)
 
SoCoSideshow- Thanks for the support it means a lot :) and my cal.rate is based on my height and how much someone my weight should consume on a daily basis inorder to lose weight and yet not starve themselves; it falls under 2010cals and with work and life in general it's been hard for me to attain 2000, which in the end always makes me hungry at night, and as im sure we all know those night cravings are the worst ones a person can have, they seem never ending and painful and those r the ones that can break a persons will power down at times.

Lochmond: thank you very much :D
comments like these just make me feel better, so thanks :)

Well today went well I was right on with my cals, about 190under but its all good.
I did go out with a girlfriend of mine, we went to the casino and ended up having a glass of shiraz (red wine) and one virgin daiquiri, and i told my friend at the time that it was wrong but that this is our outting , time to relax and we sure did have a good time so i wont beat myself up for it, we did end up having a chicken shawarma, i had only the wrap chicken onions and the sauce, she had potatos and what not but i just had the wrap and told her that this is a once a month thing for me to eat late like this with friends other then that my cut off time is 8pm and she told me shell be on my butt too, watching me and supporting me, i told her if i ever say to from here on out 'lets get food| at 3am...just punch me lol :p

so other than that it was a good day :)
 
SO today is a somewhat weird day.
ALL day and I mean ALL day i've had this urge for junk.
No matter how much healthy stuff like (fruits and fatfree yogurts) I ate today to stop my craving by replacing JUNK with some healthy things and no matter how full I felt at lunch and dinner, my mind kept thinking and thinking of sweets and greasy greasy food, even right now as I type i feel like a vampire out for blood. I am currently batteling a war...with my own freaking self. It's a war zone in my head, if you all could only hear it.

Even with all this crazy going on i've managed to make it out ok today.
For lunch I made whole wheat pasta with sauce made from scratch and it was made out of shredded tomatos, onions, mushrooms, brocolli and groundbeef and it tasted so delicious i was very proud of it. For dinner since I was so lazy today I ate THAT again and a cheese pie (filo bread/riccota cheese) ...well 2 of em but they were each pretty small. Went to the movies with some g/fs today....wanted ice cream so freaking bad...but I had GREEN TEA instead.

I feel so blah blah!
 
You're doing great, congrats. You will get cravings now and again especially at the beginning. I now crave healthy food a lot more often than I do junk food. I found that it sometimes helped to have a little bit of what I was craving before it got so bad that I totally pigged out.
Never beat yourself up if you go off track as the guilt could make you eat more, just put it down to experience and get straight back on track.
good luck, you're off to a great start.:)
 
Good luck sweetie! Ditto what Sunflower says viz a viz green tea over ice cream! :D Doin' well! :D Hopefully the tea has given your metabolism a boost! :p

Ice cream wise you can get dairy free ice cream which has wayyy less calories! They have Tofutti ice cream sandwhiches at 130Cal per serving, or I sometimes (when I'm feeling rich and troubled!) shell out the 4.99 for a tub of Freedom (dairy free) Ice cream, which is 85Cal per 100ml!! Wow! You can eat a whooole tub for under 500Cal! :)

Plus Sweedish Glace isn't too bad, for example, Vanilla is 200Cal per 100ml :) Then I also like Milka lollies! You can scrape them off the stick and into a bowel, and have 1 of each flavour, to get a very low cal neopolitan bowl of ice cream!

Oh! And the weight watchers ice cream deserts are all yummy, and have low cal! :) Xoxoxoxoxox
 
Still on the right track :)
Doing good...feeling good, more energized ever since i stopped with the junk and the pops and all the other really fatty food, i find myself getting up easier and feeling more awake in the morning, i have a routine now which i am very comfortable with.
My only concer is the nightly cravings. Even now, my stomach is cramping up and making noises, and i have a feeling of actual hunger, and instead of eating junk like fast food like i would do before i ate about *ya'll are gonna laugh* lol...probably around..7 small tangerines lol over a period of an hour and i did have about 250cals left after dinner too, so i still had room and better fruit than anything else.

I am starting to think that I am not eating enough at supper, it feels enough at the moment but 9pm hits and im freaking hungry..ughhhhhhhhhh :S:S:S
 
Increasing your dinner intake of Protein and fiber might make you feel much more satisfied..it does for me.
Congratulations on what you have accomplished so far!
 
Mike M - I shall try more of that tomorrow, you are probably right because this doesnt feel right, being so hungry, i am convinced its not cravings its hunger, a persons stomach doesnt rumbel for cravings, my bodys asking for food lol but none for me tonight, its gonna have to wait till breakfast :) oh yaaaa the feeling of power over myself feels good :D

mind over body...

Thinking of summer and how good those shorts will look on me lol :)
 
(2nd week weigh-in)

I am so happy :)
I lost 5lbs this week YAYAYAYAYAYAYA
TOTAL LOST-9LBS
<3

This is by eating healthier and by eating less and being disciplined so I can only imagine the progress once I hit up the gym on monday.

So saturday passed and I did well.
Had my breakfast, had my lunch, had my dinner, had my snacks and had my work-out, we went out downtown, danced our butts off, didnt drink instead had cranberry juice :) and let's just say I was beat from about two hours of dancing, Im sure you all know how it is in the club scene. There was a funny moment lol, my best friend looked at me on our drive home and went to ask "wanna go get some mcd..." and stopped and looked at me in fear..and I just gave her the death stare :/ lmao because usually before after downtown and having had a couple drinks we'd be starving, so we would always go to some latenight open fastfood joint, but this time we didn't and she was saying "im sorry omg im sorry" lol i just laughed and said "lighten up...me and everyone in my life is getting used to this change" so I headed home, tucked myself in and went lulabyes :)

It felt good :) so here's to one more day of freedome before heading back to work and I hope everyone here had a amazing weekend.
 
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