I need help for my wife

[ghen]

My wife and I have been trying to diet and exercise to lose weight for the past year or so. I reached my goal of losing 30 lbs (205-175lbs , I'm 5'11") but my wife lost about 5 lbs in the first couple weeks but hasn't moved since then. (170lbs-165lbs, she's 5'2").

During weight loss, I did the slim fast diet (read as: low fat) slim fast for breakfast, subway (usually) for lunch with no cheese/mayo, and slim fast for dinner. Now that I've got the weight down I'm eating a little more but also doing an exercise routine. Every other day I use free weights to work back, arms, legs, and abs. Every other day besides that I do Wii Boxing until I'm all sweaty and tired. My new goal is getting a six-pack.

My main concern though is my wife. She set a goal of losing 50lbs 3 months ago, but has only lost 5lbs over the entire run. I've basically tried to force my knowledge on her about how to eat right, and that exercise is a good thing.

Right now her diet is normally: nothing for breakfast, subway for lunch (6" with cheese and mayo), jello snack when she gets home, and maybe another snack if she gets hungry. The extra hard part about her dieting is vegetables make her sick and she can't have anything to eat without putting cheese/mayo or whatever else on top of it. She's been trying really hard to find stuff that she likes that is also healthy, but when she doesn't find it she gives up and starves herself. She's EXTREMELY picky about meals.

We've tried to find exercises that do anything for her that have ranged from weight training to just pure stair stepping. At first we started with a mix of light exercise using Wii Tennis (5-8 minutes), jogging (5-8 minutes), weight lifting using 5lb weights, and crunches. She did that for about two months. For the past two weeks now she's been doing a 5 minute warmup, 20 minutes of stair stepping, and a 5 minute cooldown. Thats every other day. Every other day besides that, she would do 10 minutes of stair stepping.

Nothing has helped her lose weight and now she's giving up. She's unhappy and tired all the time and hasn't seen any results that would give her any hope. In her words "theres no light at the end of the tunnel". She doesn't want to hear me talk anymore about eating right or more exercise or anything. She just wants to stay fat, eat cheese, and sit at the computer.

I can't help her anymore as trying to get her to lose weight the way I did it just isn't working and I don't know any other ways to approach the problem. I need help. I don't want her to give up for my own selfish reasons, as well as the fact that I know she'll just be miserable the rest of her life as she has been so far in her life about her weight. I've asked if she would be willing to listen to other people's opinions since mine haven't worked and she said yes.

 

[theleip]

ghen,

You problem is very common, I deal with it a lot.

Here are a few things i notice from your post and then some advice.

1)The lack of sound nutrition and exercise knowledge.
Not to be mean at all, but from your post alone I can tell that the knowledge you have about diet and nutrition is of point. When you are eating to little (which both you and your wife are) it is going to lead to on going problems, especially for her hormones, but yours as well.

You need to get a really good foundation of knowledge. Of course she wants to give up, she is starving.

2)Team work-The clients I train without the partner succeed some much less than those with. Sometimes though you have to lead by example and if you don't like doing an activity, but she does, go for it. I can tell that you are trying to support her, but being the "fixer" and not even fixing things just will drive the wedge further.

Get a trainer, that way you can get mad at the trainer together when hungry, when working out. I find you really need to separate yourself from being the drill sergeant. Just be the supportive husband, bring an outsider in.

3)Rewards-Be it vacation, a shopping trip, house work, whatever. Try to find something you can reward her with for all the hard work she does. Should she want to do this for herself, yes. However, if you are going to try and encourage her to do this, you are going to have to give her more than weight that is not coming off. Give her something to really look forward to from all the hard work sh is going to be doing.

 

[ghen]

Thanks for the reply. My wife has a history in high school of starvation dieting, thats why she falls so easily into it. She starts thinking all food is bad and nothing I say can persuade her to eat anything sometimes.

Unfortunately we can't afford a trainer or anything else for that matter. I would if I could! I know I'm not very good at it, but she still tries everything I come up with until it doesn't work.

Most of her calories come from lunch, I've told her it has to be spread out to cover the whole day. Currently she might have 900 calories for lunch and about 200 calories for the rest of the day, thats on a good day.

The minimum she should be eating is 1200 calories I think. I read somewhere anything less is counter-productive. Is that right?

 

[theleip]

1200 is to low as it is.

Most women you will find do these starvation diets because

1) Fear of regain
2) Lack of education on how to lose it properly
3) Wanting a quick fix

The first two are really the driving forces here.

I work with a lot of women with eating disorders and honestly it has to be in their hands. It is no different than some dealing with drug and alcohol problems.

If you want to try and move it along, i suggest getting her good reading material. Encourage her to come online to read good information.

In the meantime you yourself try and learn the goods. The more you can battle her with wits, the less she can be in denial and just chooses to harm herself. Once a person knows they are making that choice purposely it can lead to some change.

Start here...

The Easiest Nutrition Guidelines Ever


1)Eat For Your Goal-
If needing to lose weight eat below your caloric needs. No more than 30% cut.
If needing to gain weight then eat above. Increase by 15% as needed.
Figure that out by going here.
Harris Benedict Equation

2) Eat for Balance-Get at least 30% of every nutrient in a day (protein/carbs/fats). The other 10% is to do whatever you want with it.

3) Eat the right foods-This goes as follows.
Protein-Lean and Complete (chicken, turkey, egg whites, whey)
Carbs-Fruits and veggies should make up the majority of your diet and be paired with every meal.
Fats-Poly/mono fat balance high(fish oils, nuts, olive oil);Low Saturated fats

4) Eat Often- Eat 4-6 meals a day.
Each meal should contain 1 complete protein.
Each meal should contain 1 carb source of either fruit/veggies.

5) Eat 1 ingredient items-85% of your meals should be of one ingredient items.
An apples ingredients are an apple. An egg is an egg. You can certainly mix and match on ingredient items, but other than that your items 85% of the time should only be 1 ingredient items.

6) Drink Water-1/2 to 1 gallon a day for women who exercises, 1 to 1 1/2 gallon for men who exercise.

I would also recommend reading or even printing out the article in that blog with the interview with Lou Schuler. It talks about women and undereating. Also gives a link to new rules of lifting for women that is coming out, great book for all women.

Basically, look around, read, print things out. Get really educated because she will need it.

 

[RockHard]

This definitely sounds like the situation I have with my mother. Yet, it is not as brutal. I understand your dilemma, man. This is really a difficult task if your wife is not willing to take part. It is really all in your mind. If she believes it is a difficult task, she will not try as hard or not at all. If she is assured that the goal is reachable, it is most likely that she will get it a hard shot.

First of all like theleip had mentioned, you and her should do some heavy research. Knowledge is power. The most you know the easier the process of reaching your goal will be. The second thing is if your wife is having trouble doing something and/or is not feeling up to it, take things slowly. You should not push her into anything nor rush results. It takes time and hard work to accomplish a goal such as the one you stated. Thirdly, find something you both like.You are likely to quit if your not enjoying what you are doing.

Now for some personal advice to you. I'm a little concerned with the diet you mentioned. Did you have anything else besides submarine sandwhiches and slim fast shakes? That is not a healthy diet, my friend. I highly doubt you actually lost a lot of fat while on that diet. Eating Subway is not as healthy for you as you may think. Anyways, I would like to congratulate you on reaching your goal. So this will lead to your next one.

You said your new goal is to have your abs show. Inorder to do so you must have a low % of body fat. To do so you must lose fat. Too lose fat you have to a have negative calorie deficit. Find a way/site to calculate how many calories per day to maintain your weight. Subtract 500 from that number. This will be the number of calories you will consume each day to lose a pound a week. With a proper diet and probably some form of workout you will reach your goal.

Anyways, I'd love to help you but I must go now. I'll try to give you some more advice if needed later. I hope you learned something and will continue on your goal. If it helps, tell your wife I am cheering for her success.

PS. How is the cardio with the Wii? My friend wanted to get a Wii to do cardio. He wants to get some insight on how efficient it is.

 

[ghen]

Now for some personal advice to you. I'm a little concerned with the diet you mentioned. Did you have anything else besides submarine sandwhiches and slim fast shakes?

Well I'm over doing that I did it for 3 months or so. I go to the store and get lots of fruits and veggies to munch on through the day, but I still start with a slim fast shake because its easy. I try to have a balanced lunch but its tough, dinner is easier to control.

PS. How is the cardio with the Wii? My friend wanted to get a Wii to do cardio. He wants to get some insight on how efficient it is.

Well, its pretty new so I don't know exact figures but a blog I read guessed it to be 180 calories / hour doing tennis, and 250ish /hour doing boxing. I jump around alot in the pauses though because I get excited so I'm hoping its more

 

[ghen]

So basically as of right now I'm not saying anything about exercise or diet to my wife, I'll let her sort things out and bring it up. When that happens (I hope) I'll try to plan things a little better heh.

 

[Typhon]

My main concern though is my wife. She set a goal of losing 50lbs 3 months ago, but has only lost 5lbs over the entire run. I've basically tried to force my knowledge on her about how to eat right, and that exercise is a good thing.

Right now her diet is normally: nothing for breakfast, subway for lunch (6" with cheese and mayo), jello snack when she gets home, and maybe another snack if she gets hungry.

We've tried to find exercises that do anything for her that have ranged from weight training to just pure stair stepping. At first we started with a mix of light exercise using Wii Tennis (5-8 minutes), jogging (5-8 minutes), weight lifting using 5lb weights, and crunches.

First off she needs to set a realistic target, 50lbs in 3 months is not achievable without dysentry or amputation. Maybe she should set a target of 5 pounds a month? Something in that region is far more healthy.

Second, her diet sucks, her body is probably starving causing her to burn muscle and store fat. Try getting her to sign up on here and point her towards the nutritional stickies. I'm no expert on dieting but there are a few member who are and the advice on this site is first class

Third - Buy new weights, you can't do any weight training with 5lb dumbells.
And maybe sell the Wii on Ebay and buy some trainers, then go out for a run. IMO a games console can't be used for cardio training simply because it's a distraction. If you're training using that machine the temptation to switch the game over to something that involves sitting on your arse is too great. You're also going to be in close proximity to the biscuit tin!
Try taking up a sport or activity that involves proper movement, not just waving your arms around. Maybe a dance class, woman love that kind of stuff

 

[SmithMachine]

Thanks for the reply. My wife has a history in high school of starvation dieting, thats why she falls so easily into it. She starts thinking all food is bad and nothing I say can persuade her to eat anything sometimes.

Unfortunately we can't afford a trainer or anything else for that matter. I would if I could! I know I'm not very good at it, but she still tries everything I come up with until it doesn't work.

Most of her calories come from lunch, I've told her it has to be spread out to cover the whole day. Currently she might have 900 calories for lunch and about 200 calories for the rest of the day, thats on a good day.

The minimum she should be eating is 1200 calories I think. I read somewhere anything less is counter-productive. Is that right?

1200 calories??? would that even give some one the energy to run? like one of my protein shakes is 800 cals and i have 3-2 a day on the side of meals

 

[Dallen]

No offense, but you lost 30 pounds in over a year? That's great and I congratulate you in losing something. However, it sounds like you held back a lot because you ate close to nothing. A slimfast for breakfast and dinner? Come on, that's like really not good. You could have done so much better.

Don't think about how much you can lose in X amount of time. Instead, think about what you're going to be like 20-30 years down the line. Look at various old people and think about what their diet must have been like when they were younger. It certainly didn't consist of drinking slimfast and eating 1 sub every day.

Your way of losing weight is an excellent example of what people think of diets, and a thing I'm trying to avoid. You eat things you cannot possibly eat 10 years from now, and you probably seriously messed up your nutrients.

Eat smarter, healthier food, and exercise at least 3 times a week. You'll have life-long benefits. Losing weight will come naturally. Think of it like your house... you must build the foundation first, then you build the house on top of it, then you can put whatever you want in side the house. It wouldn't make sense to move in all your furniture in your house and build around it, and put the foundation in last.

As for your wife... ditto.

 

[deschain]

Well, so much has been said, so there isn't a lot to add at this point.

It all comes down to her accepting reality. In life, we often have to do something we don't like (go to work) in order to get something we do like (money). The reality of it is, she has to do something she doesn't like (eat healthy food/exercise) to get something she does like (to be thin).

There are a ton of ways to slowly adjust eating habits, so that it doesn't seem like such a shock. But, it all starts with accepting the reality of the situation, then working from there.

 

[RockHard]

I would like to add that a diet is not something that you change then change back. Your diet is your way of life. I can't seem to find the words I am looking for. Anyways, a diet should not be temporarily.

 

[ghen]

No offense, but you lost 30 pounds in over a year? That's great and I congratulate you in losing something. However, it sounds like you held back a lot because you ate close to nothing. A slimfast for breakfast and dinner? Come on, that's like really not good. You could have done so much better.

I didn't have a workout routine at the time, it was just my diet and an active work environment (outdoors stuff). I'm sure it could have been better, but I'm happy with the results concidering