How to encourage son to lose weight

M

marie60

New member
Hi - I just discovered this forum today and need advice ASAP. It's always hard posting at a new forum because you never know how you will be received, so go easy on me! My 20 year old son just moved back home for the summer. He has gained a lot of weight since he moved out last August to attend college in another city. When he left here he weighed about 215 (6 feet tall) and came back weighing about 260, at least. I've heard about the "freshman 15" but I wasn't expecting this much of a weight gain. I was so shocked when he walked in the door, I blurted out a comment about his weight - nothing critical - just "gee you've really gained some weight." Not a good thing to do, I know, but he looks like a completely different person and I was caught off guard. I guess that got us off on the wrong foot and now he won't even talk about the weight issue. He has a long history of health issues (asthma, GERD, congenital kidney problem, high BP) and I am worried about the impact this weight will have on his health. I'm sure the weight gain was due to the stress of dealing with college plus poor eating habits and lack of exercise. I'll do anything I can to help him - doctor appt., gym membership, dietician meeting - anything. We are living on a tight budget but this is a priority for me. Where do I start without alienating him? I know no one can make him do anything until he is ready, but what can I do in the meantime? Its hard not to say anything when I see him eating poorly in front of me. I make healthy meals and don't buy junk food but he can go out and buy his own food whenever he wants. (I should add that I care full time for my adult disabled daughter who is 4'11" and weighs only 80 pounds due to her own health problems. I'm always trying to help her gain weight and it's hard to switch gears to the other kind of weight problem.) Any constructive suggestions are welcome. Thanks.
 
this question gets asked a bunch around here -and what it comes down to - is you cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do - or arent' ready to do for themselves.

What you can do is not nag them and provide healthy opportunities for them.

You can't control what they eat outside the home - but you can provide healthy meals inside the home (and i probably wouldn't skimp on portions either -)
 
maleficent said:
this question gets asked a bunch around here -and what it comes down to - is you cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do - or arent' ready to do for themselves.
Click to expand...

Mal has it right here - for years I've had my mother nagging at me to lose weight, and all it did was annoy me. I've even had her call me and say "I don't want to bury my own child". Trust me, emotional blackmail will only serve to drive a wedge between you. It has to be something the individual decides to do for themself.

Melanie.
 
Totally agree with all the stuff posted already....dont nag and provide healthy food while he is staying with you. Maybe arrange some family activities that include exercise while he is there?

He wont lose it until HE decides to do it, my mum nagged and made comments for years and it just made me resent her a little.
 
I feel like I'm on the same, yet different boat than you. I've been steadily losing around 50 lbs and am now fast approaching a healthy weight; whereas my father is severely obese and there is simply nothing to convince him to lose weight.

Adults have this retarded mentality that once you are older it gets harder to lose weight (granted, maybe a shade harder but no impossible) and he doesn't even like to talk about weight loss.

However, I found that after showing my before and after picture and talking about it from time to time he decided for himself to go for walks, quit the snacks e.t.c.

So yeah, leave him to make up his own mind, but try and influence it with positive stuff like family exercise trips and healthy food.
 
it is true that nagging him about his weight won't make him want to lose weight. My mother told me to lose weight for years and it only made me tune her out altogether. The only thing i can think of that you could do if you are really really worried about his health maybe you could find someone to watch your daughter for a month and go on a hiking trip, or some other really physical vacation that has limited access to a lot of food, with your son. After a month, better eating habits should be formed and he will probably be motivated by whatever weight loss he achieved on the trip.
 
ITA with Mal... You really can't make someone do something they don't want to... Especially losing weight. I'm in the same boat you are. My little bro is eating his way up to 400lbs, at this rate probably by Christmas. It scares the hell outta me. I don't know what to do. He is very sensitive about his weight, like many overweight people are, so I try not to bring it up. He has always been big but now he is really getting to the point where I feel it's really bad. I wish he would have some ephiphany and decide to take the reigns in dealing with his own health but, it's hasn't happened. Half the time I'm just so pissed at him. I just want to tell him no one can change it but you, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your ass to the gym... I don't tho, of course. With all the diabetes and other awful shit that runs in our family, I don't know if he'll make it past 30 unless he changes his ways. I love him so much and this has really been bothering me lately, especially since I've changed my lifestyle to a healthier one in the past year. I was hoping he'd jump on board with me but it isn't happening....

-Sam
 
College is a different routine than home. Beer is flowing almost every night and meals are basically buffets. That's how I packed it on. Find a way to change that routine if he's going back to school. Granted cutting off the beer is impossible.
 
My mom used to bug me about my weight and it took her many years to understand how much I suffered under her constant criticism (it wasn't just weight, it was also that I was not popular enough, or too popular, not nice enough, not polite enough, not a good enough sister to my younger siblings, not a good enough student, etc...).
When I was ready (which was at 23) I decided all by myself to lose weight. I was unhappy for years before that, but I wasn't ready to make this committment, to change my lifestyle.
She had given me the best possible start by teaching me how to eat, by having always fresh vegetables and fruit on the table, by not letting me eat crap (there was no chocolate in our house, nor nutella, but there were homemade biscuits if you needed/wanted one), by teaching me the importance of an active lifestyle.

I am thankful for all those things and that she tells me she loves me often enough. I don't think she could have done more than that (well she could have not nagged me... but I doubt that would have changed my body or my weight!).
Just be a great mom and he will find his way back to his healthy self! Camy
 
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