haven't been on for a while, due to personal issues and the internett having a personal issue with me... Dunno what I did to it, but it ended up hating me with a passion and packing it's bags for longer then I would have liked. But not much to do with an internett with a mind of it's own now is there? 
On to the point!
Last statement I made was that I really didn't feel like loosing many more pounds, I would rather exchange fat with muscle and stay my weight. That hasn't changed, but I must admit I've been slacking off a bit. Started some three weeks ago when I had to break my routines due to... dunno what fancy word to call it, but I had to break my routine anyways. Never got back propperly. I drank soda for the first time in ages, eat candy, didn't excercise, etc etc... Only good thing is that I've remained my same weight. I hugely increased my food intake, and ate more crap, but luckly it didn't turn out to have a huge impact on the weight. YET!
That's the dangers of slacking off... you go a week and see no changes. Then you go a week more, and see no changes again. And you start pigging out more and more... THen you go two weeks more and see one extra pound.. and a week more, two extra pounds... and you think, "If I've gone over a month with grossly pigging out, and this is all I have to show for it, then surely I can loose it easily?? No need to worry! I can pig out for a while, then get back on track...no?..." and then you're doomed! the kilos keep building on, and you get less and less motivated to do something about it. if you're "lucky" you've been as fat before, and you don't have to buy new clothes... in fact, you might even see it as a good thing because finally you get into those good old clothes that you used to be able to wear! Your favourite t-shirt that was too big after you dropped a few pounds and looked plain stupid on your way smaller body now fits perfectly. If you're a complete retard, like I've been before, you praise your increased weight. You worship your kilos like they were holy. Your body is your temple, and no person has buildt as huge a temple as yourself! You have something to be proud of!...NOT!!!! Some of us do feed ourself lies like these. We really do. To those that don't, this might seem really...weird?... but it's the truth and it's disgusting indeed! We feed ourself lies to excuse the gross neglect we have had for our bodies. We tell ourself this because we refuse to see how FAT and UGLY we have become! It wasn't untill almost a year ago that I finally understood that I was just that; FAT and UGLY! SO what did I do? I was ashamed, and could have gone on with the same routine. In fact, I did for a while. I was ashamed that my whole life philosofy was to be a complete and utter failure and that I had to admit it to people who I had spoken so warmly of it. I didn't want to admit that my eating habits so far had been nothing short of disgusting, in fact I earned some status from them! My road to changes was faced with many a concerned face. "Why?? it was working so well for you!" well, to those who said that I was too ashamed to say I could not see a woman loving a lump of fat like myself, and this caused me to be utterly misserable. Try being a great guy, but it wont help you get someone if you look like shit. This was my motivation to change, what has me today being in the wastly improved shape I am and what has resulted in something I'm too much of a gentleman to go into details of. Besides the point though!
I'll try to get back on track: When faced with humiliation and loss of face, most people will back down. I was laughed at when I started "working out" (I used to play football, but this was different). I was litterally laughed at! I make excuses this very day for the smaller food intake, and for not drinking cola! I claim I've lost my appetite since I stopped football, and it's somehting most people buy oddly enough. I also claim I've lost the taste for soda, which people find a bit harder to understand. I make stupid excuses for most things I do, as I can't admit I want to lose weight. I can only admit to myself, and to you. However, it's hard to admit that to yourself when you can't admit it to others. And 'tis hard to not empty that bag of chips when you can't admit it to yourself that you want to lose weight.
I've written as I go along, as I usually do. This means I've completely lost my point, and I have no idea what the initial idea was.
A lot of people, well, everyone has noticed the changes though. When asked if I've lost weight I answer "nah... maybe a kilo or two..." well, it's more like 35 kilos, but I won't admit that 'cus they'll know for sure I wanted to lose it and I wanted it badly. My "pride" won't allow me to admit that. I've gotten a lot of compliments. 10 kilos before I'm where I am now, the girlfriend of a friend of mine said I had the potentiall to look great, and she never saw that before. 10 kilos later, I've been told numerous times by people I never expected to hear it from, that I look good. Slightly over half a year, 35 kilos, and a whole lot closer to happieness.
So what made me stop losing weight? I still have a few pounds I can loose... It's a complicated matter which I can only try to simplify. Goes as follows: Me like girl, girl thinks me look small and could with advantage add a few pounds. Me stops losing weight, but refuse to add more fat due to earlier experiance.
Of course, she never told me flat out that I should gain weight. She told me I look good like I do and so on, but unlike the guys who fall asleep on the phone, or watch a football game and say "aha" every now and then, I pay attention. One of the things fat people learn, develop to be a better person, it sure as hell is the only way people will ever like you! Sad but true. Goodlooking hunks will be liked by someone either they are nice or not. Fatties will not.
I'm not sickened with my own mirror reflection anymore. I've found a girl that weighs less then half of me, and is not that short for a girl so obviously I can't be that bad...ey? Most importantly, I'vefound a person that truly makes me happy. A caring nice girl that warms my heart by the thought of her and that sadens me when I can't see her. Would I ever had a chance with her 35 kilos ago? NO WAY! This girl is out of mu league as it is, but 35 kilos ago she was unreachable as... there really is nothing that can compare! It would be like if you went out and found yourself a person that is perfect in every way personallitywise, and on top of that she's the hottest model of this decade! I'm in love, give me some room to play here
Bottom line: Life gets a whole lot better when you work off the fat. You might think you're missing out on life by spending so much time working out, but in fact you're getting a chance to live that you never had before! Take it!
On to the point!
Last statement I made was that I really didn't feel like loosing many more pounds, I would rather exchange fat with muscle and stay my weight. That hasn't changed, but I must admit I've been slacking off a bit. Started some three weeks ago when I had to break my routines due to... dunno what fancy word to call it, but I had to break my routine anyways. Never got back propperly. I drank soda for the first time in ages, eat candy, didn't excercise, etc etc... Only good thing is that I've remained my same weight. I hugely increased my food intake, and ate more crap, but luckly it didn't turn out to have a huge impact on the weight. YET!
That's the dangers of slacking off... you go a week and see no changes. Then you go a week more, and see no changes again. And you start pigging out more and more... THen you go two weeks more and see one extra pound.. and a week more, two extra pounds... and you think, "If I've gone over a month with grossly pigging out, and this is all I have to show for it, then surely I can loose it easily?? No need to worry! I can pig out for a while, then get back on track...no?..." and then you're doomed! the kilos keep building on, and you get less and less motivated to do something about it. if you're "lucky" you've been as fat before, and you don't have to buy new clothes... in fact, you might even see it as a good thing because finally you get into those good old clothes that you used to be able to wear! Your favourite t-shirt that was too big after you dropped a few pounds and looked plain stupid on your way smaller body now fits perfectly. If you're a complete retard, like I've been before, you praise your increased weight. You worship your kilos like they were holy. Your body is your temple, and no person has buildt as huge a temple as yourself! You have something to be proud of!...NOT!!!! Some of us do feed ourself lies like these. We really do. To those that don't, this might seem really...weird?... but it's the truth and it's disgusting indeed! We feed ourself lies to excuse the gross neglect we have had for our bodies. We tell ourself this because we refuse to see how FAT and UGLY we have become! It wasn't untill almost a year ago that I finally understood that I was just that; FAT and UGLY! SO what did I do? I was ashamed, and could have gone on with the same routine. In fact, I did for a while. I was ashamed that my whole life philosofy was to be a complete and utter failure and that I had to admit it to people who I had spoken so warmly of it. I didn't want to admit that my eating habits so far had been nothing short of disgusting, in fact I earned some status from them! My road to changes was faced with many a concerned face. "Why?? it was working so well for you!" well, to those who said that I was too ashamed to say I could not see a woman loving a lump of fat like myself, and this caused me to be utterly misserable. Try being a great guy, but it wont help you get someone if you look like shit. This was my motivation to change, what has me today being in the wastly improved shape I am and what has resulted in something I'm too much of a gentleman to go into details of. Besides the point though!
I'll try to get back on track: When faced with humiliation and loss of face, most people will back down. I was laughed at when I started "working out" (I used to play football, but this was different). I was litterally laughed at! I make excuses this very day for the smaller food intake, and for not drinking cola! I claim I've lost my appetite since I stopped football, and it's somehting most people buy oddly enough. I also claim I've lost the taste for soda, which people find a bit harder to understand. I make stupid excuses for most things I do, as I can't admit I want to lose weight. I can only admit to myself, and to you. However, it's hard to admit that to yourself when you can't admit it to others. And 'tis hard to not empty that bag of chips when you can't admit it to yourself that you want to lose weight.
I've written as I go along, as I usually do. This means I've completely lost my point, and I have no idea what the initial idea was.
A lot of people, well, everyone has noticed the changes though. When asked if I've lost weight I answer "nah... maybe a kilo or two..." well, it's more like 35 kilos, but I won't admit that 'cus they'll know for sure I wanted to lose it and I wanted it badly. My "pride" won't allow me to admit that. I've gotten a lot of compliments. 10 kilos before I'm where I am now, the girlfriend of a friend of mine said I had the potentiall to look great, and she never saw that before. 10 kilos later, I've been told numerous times by people I never expected to hear it from, that I look good. Slightly over half a year, 35 kilos, and a whole lot closer to happieness.
So what made me stop losing weight? I still have a few pounds I can loose... It's a complicated matter which I can only try to simplify. Goes as follows: Me like girl, girl thinks me look small and could with advantage add a few pounds. Me stops losing weight, but refuse to add more fat due to earlier experiance.
Of course, she never told me flat out that I should gain weight. She told me I look good like I do and so on, but unlike the guys who fall asleep on the phone, or watch a football game and say "aha" every now and then, I pay attention. One of the things fat people learn, develop to be a better person, it sure as hell is the only way people will ever like you! Sad but true. Goodlooking hunks will be liked by someone either they are nice or not. Fatties will not.
I'm not sickened with my own mirror reflection anymore. I've found a girl that weighs less then half of me, and is not that short for a girl so obviously I can't be that bad...ey?
Most importantly, I'vefound a person that truly makes me happy. A caring nice girl that warms my heart by the thought of her and that sadens me when I can't see her. Would I ever had a chance with her 35 kilos ago? NO WAY! This girl is out of mu league as it is, but 35 kilos ago she was unreachable as... there really is nothing that can compare! It would be like if you went out and found yourself a person that is perfect in every way personallitywise, and on top of that she's the hottest model of this decade! I'm in love, give me some room to play here Bottom line: Life gets a whole lot better when you work off the fat. You might think you're missing out on life by spending so much time working out, but in fact you're getting a chance to live that you never had before! Take it!