I feel really down about recently leaving my teen years. I have an irrational fear of aging. The depression over this is coming from everywhere (and I'm working on that) but it's really hitting me in terms of body image.
Now before I lay the facts down, let me say that I know I am thin. I am not looking to be anorexic AT ALL. I am very petite, small bones, small frame, so while these numbers seem unnaturally low, they aren't. I'm Caucasian, but my body type is naturally this small, kind of like an Asian's. I'm currently 5'5 and 96-99lbs.
Back in high school (about 4 years ago), I weighed about 94lbs. I was nothing but perfectly defined muscle. I was even voted as having the "best physique" of my year. I was a cheerleader and we practiced about 2 hours a day, and other than that I did not work out. I ate the most I could get for my budget minded ways (which was actually quite a bit). I was not concerned about calories or junk food (I didn't really like junk food anyway) or losing my perfect figure; I had always looked like that.
Now, I'm thin, but my body isn't the same. I have a little bit of cellulite you can see in most lighting that I didn't have then. My "love handles" are squishy and I can poke my finger in about 3/4 in before I hit bone. (I used to have no squishy parts on me. I was solid muscle there. Not bone -- remember I'm not looking to be a bag of bones, I'm looking to be perfectly toned.) My butt is not the taut, round little apple butt it was...it's still a little bubbly but it has fallen a titch. My stomach used to be slightly concave, but now it's pretty much just flat with a centimeter protrusion in the lower ab area.
Writing this, I know how ridiculous it sounds. I still look good and I should be happy. I am. But I just know that it can be perfect, so I can't settle.
So here I go. This is what I'm going to do. Eat healthy. Exercise more. Do target exercises. Don't eat after 8 (unless I'm on a date or something). I think these things will work and motivate me to also do the other things in my life that I want to do.
Now before I lay the facts down, let me say that I know I am thin. I am not looking to be anorexic AT ALL. I am very petite, small bones, small frame, so while these numbers seem unnaturally low, they aren't. I'm Caucasian, but my body type is naturally this small, kind of like an Asian's. I'm currently 5'5 and 96-99lbs.
Back in high school (about 4 years ago), I weighed about 94lbs. I was nothing but perfectly defined muscle. I was even voted as having the "best physique" of my year. I was a cheerleader and we practiced about 2 hours a day, and other than that I did not work out. I ate the most I could get for my budget minded ways (which was actually quite a bit). I was not concerned about calories or junk food (I didn't really like junk food anyway) or losing my perfect figure; I had always looked like that.
Now, I'm thin, but my body isn't the same. I have a little bit of cellulite you can see in most lighting that I didn't have then. My "love handles" are squishy and I can poke my finger in about 3/4 in before I hit bone. (I used to have no squishy parts on me. I was solid muscle there. Not bone -- remember I'm not looking to be a bag of bones, I'm looking to be perfectly toned.) My butt is not the taut, round little apple butt it was...it's still a little bubbly but it has fallen a titch. My stomach used to be slightly concave, but now it's pretty much just flat with a centimeter protrusion in the lower ab area.
Writing this, I know how ridiculous it sounds. I still look good and I should be happy. I am. But I just know that it can be perfect, so I can't settle.
So here I go. This is what I'm going to do. Eat healthy. Exercise more. Do target exercises. Don't eat after 8 (unless I'm on a date or something). I think these things will work and motivate me to also do the other things in my life that I want to do.
