How do you learn to like yourself?

[StartingOver]

Physically, I mean. I know I'm overweight, but my perception is also skewed and I feel worse than I really look.

How do you become comfortable in your own skin?

 

[Stacy]

Wow, what a tough question. I suppose it's all about really seeing all the things about you that are beautiful.

I personally used to have very low self esteem. I hated my body and didn't like myself at all. I have been fat my entire life, a fat baby, a fat child, a fat teen, and a fat adult. There has never been a time in my life when "fat" didn't accurately describe me and because of the way our current society treats fat people I have had really low self esteem. Things changed for me about 5 years ago when I really started loving myself and my body. At my highest weight I was the most confident and loved myself more than I ever had before. I still have that confidence and that self love. I love my body and that's why I work every day to take care of it. It's not about what your body looks like, it's about knowing your value and loving all those wonderful little quarks and unique things about you that are truly beautiful.

Wake up, look at you, and know that you are a wonderful person! For me it started by forcing myself to look at myself in the mirror and pointing out one thing every day that I liked about myself. I started by saying - "I really like my eye color". Soon I realized my cheekbones where high and attractive, then I started loving my little ears, and before I knew it day after day I started finding more about myself that I appreciated. And I really started liking myself.

 

[Fish Chris]

Wow, what a tough question

No kidding, huh ?

I read this post last night, and my mind started rambling so much, I didn't even know where I could start !

My whole self perception is probably more whacked out than anybodies !
I used to flat out.... in open company... at any spur of the moment... pop out with something like, "Sure, I'm fat, and ugly.... but I'm so freaking cool with everything else" I mean, you wanna' here me brag ? I'm super friendly, honest, great sense of humor, intelligent.... what else.... I'm sure their is a lot more LOL

So anyway, I'm still all of the above, except "not fat" and directly because of that, maybe not "quite" as ugly Now if only I could get buffed, and ripped.... then you could just put a bag over my head LOL

I guess I just need to find a really hot, thin, athletic girl.... with poor eyesight LOL

Okay, seriously though, I guess the best advice I could give, would be to keep working towards the health, and body, that will make you happy with yourself. And then when you turn around and see somebody checking you out, rest assured, they probably like what they see, or they'd be looking the other way.

Put it this way.... I'm seeing 10 X's more people checking me out now, than when I weighed 80 lbs more, and if they were thinking, "Wow ! That guy sure is fat and ugly".... wouldn't their have been 10 X's more people checking me out before, than now ?

Wish you the best,
Fish

 

[Carthonn]

I hate to say it but I think a lot of it has to do with positive reinforcement, and a lot of time that comes from our peers. So maybe I should remind myself that that has to be a 2 way street. Always remember to be honest.

 

[nidella]

Wearing nice-fitting clothes always works for me. <3

Buying and trying clothes on though, is always very difficult. *is stingy*

 

[MickeyBoo]

It's not about what your body looks like, it's about knowing your value and loving all those wonderful little quarks and unique things about you that are truly beautiful.

Summed it up for me perfectly. I found that a lot of my self hate came from what I thought others thought of me. Society has a lot to answer for in terms of peoples perceptions of 'fat people'.

I had huge issues with thinking that I was some huge blob wasting space. For example, I'd go out and if I was eating lunch and noticed someone looking at me, I'd automatically think it was because I was fat and ugly and that they were thinking I shouldn't be eating at all and no wonder I was sooo huge! Not because I might of had something stuck in my hair, or even that they were off in their own little world and thinking something about themselves! The internal dialogue that would run through my head was terrible.

So for me now it's been a lot of soul searching taking it one step at a time, focussing on things I do like about my personality and body and trying to improve the things that I don't. I've also learnt to just not care about the nameless people that pass me by and whatever thoughts they might be having, I repeat a little mantra, 'it's got nothing to do with me'.

I actually reached my goal weight and thought that once there I could face the things I didn't like about myself because I didn't have the automatic excuse of 'you're fat, that's why you're useless'. Truth is I looked damn good, but still hated myself, and my complete lack of self worth stood out and I felt even more exposed. I realised I used my fat as a buffer and even though I had worked hard for 2 years to lose 100pd and started out with a good support network, it slowly crumbled as I got lighter, my sister/mother became jealous, my husband became wary of extra attention and I was left to fend for myself at probably my most vulnerable point.

It may sound strange but just over half my weight has crept back on and it's only now that I can actually say that I like myself for who I am and what I have to offer, even though my body is not perfect I can look at myself and automatically want to run away. I know I 'need' to change physically to be healthier and that as a result of that I will feel happier in general, but it's not the be all and end all. I know who I am and what I want and if people don't like that then it's their problem not mine, I can move on and they can stay where they are.