How do I support my partner?

A

Anna_Marie

New member
I am in a serious relationship with a man who is constantly struggling with his weight. My previous partner, husband of 8 years, was lean like me. I have never had a weight problem nor been with a partner with a weight problem. So I am struggling to know what I can do to support him. I never mention his weight, I love him no matter what. He always makes comments about how chubby he is. When he makes comments like that I tell him that I love him and that he is handsome. I generally try to ignore his comments or emphasize how much I care for him. His weight really bothers him. He'll lose weight and then add it right back on. He is 40 and I am 36.

What do I do or say when he makes fat comments about himself? Even though he is unhappy with his weight, he orders 'bad' food when we dine out. Should I do or say anything? I enjoy ice cream and other treats like that. Should I never order such food in front of him and keep it hidden in my house?

I don't know how to be supportive with his weight struggle. Please help!

(This is my first attempt at finding a forum online to ask this question. Please let me know if I am unwelcome and I will go back to google. No offense will be taken! )
 
you are absolutely welcome... :)

To be honest, though, you can't do anyhting about his weight -he's got to want to do something about it himself... when he makes the comments, ask him what he wants to do about it?

Maybe suggest taking an evening walk to get some exercise as well as quality time in...

WHo does the cooking in the house? If it's you - plan healthy meals? dieting and healthy eating as I'm sure you know, doesn't mean only bland flavorless steamed chicken or fish and vegetables in tiny portions -you can eat... with tons of flavor...
 
Mal's evening walk suggestion is very good.

I was very big and am currently dealing with this. My husband was and still is very big so I can identify with your concerns about your partner.

We quite regularly go on an evening walk. Also it can be a good idea to go out to the countryside for a long walk at the weekend.

Walking is a very good form of exercise and a lot of people think that you have to be walking very fast in order to lose weight. This is not the case. Big people can lose weight by walking - even if they are not going that quickly. The fact is that people's stamina improves and they tend to naturally speed up.

If he once starts being careful about his food and trying to not eat so much of certain fattening things - then it would be kinder not to eat the things that he is trying to avoid in front of him.

Good luck

Best wishes
Margaret
 
And if neither of you cook in the house, ya'll can learn to cook together. That's what my folks do. It's a great bonding experience, plus you have a lot more control over what kind of junk is going into your mouth if you prepare it yourself.

The whole evening walk thing is a great idea too, and can lead to other exercise if he takes to it willingly enough. :)
 
my boyfriend and I are sort of the opposite of your situation. i'm heavy and he is a normal weight. this is advice that i wish he would take (although it's much easier to tell you, lol)

in general just be supportive. when he starts trying to lose weight, offer to work out with him or go shopping together to find healthier foods to stock the house with. even if you aren't overweight yourself, i doubt you would suffer much from eating more fruits/veggies and getting more exercise. you could both benefit from being more healthy. if you do it together, it will be good for your relationship and he'll be less likely to fall off the wagon. get a new cookbook and cook healthy meals together and experiment and find new dishes that you both like. this could really be a relationship building activity if you can both approach it the right way.

about the sweets, if you still want to eat them, that's fine but instead of buying a big container of ice cream, buy a little one, or buy the healthier ice cream (Eddy's Slow Churned tastes great but is more healthy), that way if he is tempted to share, at least it won't be as much/as bad. perhaps find a drawer/cabinet that he rarely gets in. i know my bf would never do something as crazy as bend over to get something out of the bottom drawer. hide the cookies/chips down there so you know where they are but he isn't tempted.

it can be hard when you go out to eat. in general restaurants are terrible for dieters. at the same time, when he orders a huge steak and potatoes and dessert, it is also hard for you to say anything for fear of hurting his feelings. perhaps suggest things that look healthy to him or gently remind him that perhaps he should have a salad instead of the potatoes if he wants to have the steak. if he wants to eat something, he probably will anyways. try not to seem annoyed at him. we all have bad days sometimes. if you want to order dessert, perhaps split it? then he won't have to have an entire dessert. or you could cook something at home that is not as unhealthy (there are some good healthy recipes for apple crisp) to have when you get home.

overall, try not to be pushy or act disappointed with him when he doesn't follow his plan. just let him know that you are there to help and support him, and of course continue to let him know that you love him at any size.
 
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