How can I be happy with my body after weight loss?

[biggestloser105]

Chubbygirl: Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps hearing that it is possible to start to feel better about them and that they will fade with time. I looked at some of your pictures you posted on a thread...you are gorgeous. You looked absolutely amazing in your dress and the fact that you have stretch marks on your arms makes me feel hopeful. If you can look that amazing with a few stretch marks, why can't I? Congrats on your weight loss...all of your hard work really paid off!

I also had pretty bright red stretch marks on my upper arms, now they are white and barely noticeable (I have to lift my arm and look closely to see them), my arms are also considerably less flabby. I am not at my goal yet, I still have 45lbs to lose to get to 130, but I think doing weight lifting exercises for my triceps especially has helped to tighten up that area.

 

[kjames]

Thanks so much, biggestloser105! All of your replies have been really helpful! It is SO good to hear that your stretch marks faded that much. I am already starting to see mine fade as well I'm definitely going to be focusing a lot more on toning to tighten up my arms. I'm feeling pretty hopeful about the whole thing right now Thanks!

 

[ocd]

I'm kind of in the same place roughly as you are.

I lost a lot of weight fast and wasn't happy with myself mainly due to loose skin etc.

I will offer you the main thing that I have learned through my experience in the last two months.

Things have gotten pretty crazy for me much like yourself in terms of binge eating, bulimic behavior in my case, depression, self image issues etc. The binge eating will make you absolutely crazy hormonally and mess with your mind big time, making it seem so much harder.

Now that I am on the road to regaining control of my situation here is the main thing I took away from it I mentioned. When I was faced with losing everything I worked for it wasn't ultimately my appearance that I discovered I was most concerned with. When I was faced with losing my optimism, self esteem, drive for success, and just the overall positivity I had gained, that is what scared me the most. Feeling like being a fraud for telling so many people how great things were, and then struggling and feeling like I was heading for square one again were killing me more than how I looked.

I took away from this experience the following. The things we find so insurmountable and terrible can quickly be put into perspective when we are faced with the reality of something even more terrible. Our perception of things is all relative.

Now I am just happy that I am gaining my positivity back and getting moving forward instead of backward again. The success I am looking for will follow, it is just going to take time. Be patient as well. You are very young, and it is quite possible your skin will recover. It can take over 2 years for this to happen, in the meantime if you are healthy mentally and physically that is the main thing to strive for.

 

[Shinsplint]

Hi there. Your post really resonated with me. I have felt the same way about my body and often it was when I was at my thinnest and fittest that I thought I was the ugliest. Funny isn't it? I can also relate to you wanting to look perfect as I too am a perfectionist. If I can suggest something, try not to spend too much time on the internet; it can be depressing, and the people who frequent it and spew their comments all over cyberspace are not necessarily the most intelligent people on the planet. Usually they're horny young guys who are completely shallow and have no life outside of their computer. I think it's great that you are so into sport and you have made terrific progress with your weight loss and fitness. Don't let those negative thoughts stop you now! You're nearly at your goal!!

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. But you should take heart in the knowledge that someone in fact DID find you attractive and sought to embark on a relationship with you. So have confidence in that; you're probably much more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. Just think of this: Will these things matter in 100 years? Will anyone be talking about your stretch marks? I would say try to find something that is unique about you, that only you have. Everyone has some asset that puts them above others in that regard. And studies show that people who have perfect features tend to be very average-looking. In a world obsessed with being homogenous and conventional it's the ones who stand out who tend to be the most successful, influential and remembered. Try to focus on what your special asset is and capitalise on it! It might be your smile or your hair or your posture. Whatever it is, WORK it!

Finally, there are solutions for things like stretch marks. You could try using Bio Oil which I've heard very good things about. My pregnant friend used it and she has no stretch marks at all! Please don't worry; you'll be okay. When in doubt, look up 19th century art to cheer you up and give you a better perspective of how a healthy woman should look. If you still have worries, I would suggest seeing someone. Don't let it escalate into anorexia, because that's how it starts. And you're doing REALLY well. Don't give up!

2. Sorry to sound "religious" if you will, cause i'm actually not in that sense. But I am a Christian & I can't answer this question without referring to the fact that a HUGE part of when i finally got over myself & my insecurities came out of my relationship with God. I understand that not everyone has that & that's so cool, but the more I started to realise my worth in him & that I'm loved not cause of anything I can do, but just cause of who I am, man it changed everything.

...It puts a twinkle in my eye - and that's attractive!

Best of luck babe

That's what helped me too! To be completely honest, it's the only thing that helped me. I couldn't love myself from the inside so all I saw in the mirror was ugliness. But it wasn't about my innocent body; it was about my starving soul. Now I love myself, even my big nose! Ha ha

 

[kjames]

ocd: Thanks so much for your reply! I'm also starting to realize that disordered eating is not making anything easier and is just making me more depressed.

When I was faced with losing everything I worked for it wasn't ultimately my appearance that I discovered I was most concerned with. When I was faced with losing my optimism, self esteem, drive for success, and just the overall positivity I had gained, that is what scared me the most. Feeling like being a fraud for telling so many people how great things were, and then struggling and feeling like I was heading for square one again were killing me more than how I looked.

I feel much the same way. I feel like as consumed as I am about my appearance, I am more scared that I have become so unhappy and lost all motivation in my life. I also feel like a fraud. I plaster a smile on my face and tell everyone that I'm okay when clearly I am not. I'm really hoping that through counseling I will begin to find that motivation and happiness and start to get my life back

I am definitely starting to realize by reading a lot of these posts that skin recovery may be possible..and that I can't expect it to just happen overnight. This really gives me hope.

 

[kjames]

Shinsplint: Thanks for taking the time to read and reply I definitely understand what you mean about the internet. I used to spend most days just sitting on my computer for hours researching weight loss and stretch marks. I would read some things where people would reply to posts about stretch marks saying that they are so disgusting and that people who have so many stretch marks are hideous and should just die. That definitely did not help reading any of that. I'm trying to avoid looking at stuff like that and focusing more on sites like these where most people are more encouraging than anything. I definitely think that spending more time outside and doing active things and things that I like benefit me more than sitting on the computer feeing depressed about myself.

I never really thought of it that way...but you're right. He obviously did find me attractive enough to approach me and spend a lot of time pursuing me. The thing I love most about myself and I get the most compliments on is my hair. I have really long, healthy dirty-blonde hair that is quite beautiful. I think I need to take your advice and work that and stop focusing so much on the stuff that I hate.

I couldn't love myself from the inside so all I saw in the mirror was ugliness. But it wasn't about my innocent body; it was about my starving soul. Now I love myself, even my big nose! Ha ha

This is exactly the truth and my very problem. I don't love myself from within and it is about my starving soul. That's a very good way of putting it. I am currently working through the bigger and deeper issues with a counselor. I'm definitely beginning to realize it isn't so much about my outward appearance but my wounded inner being that is the problem.

 

[biggestloser105]

Shinsplint: Thanks for taking the time to read and reply I definitely understand what you mean about the internet. I used to spend most days just sitting on my computer for hours researching weight loss and stretch marks. I would read some things where people would reply to posts about stretch marks saying that they are so disgusting and that people who have so many stretch marks are hideous and should just die. That definitely did not help reading any of that. I'm trying to avoid looking at stuff like that and focusing more on sites like these where most people are more encouraging than anything. I definitely think that spending more time outside and doing active things and things that I like benefit me more than sitting on the computer feeing depressed about myself.

You have to help yourself here, don't research weight loss and stretch marks anymore. There are some really sad individuals in this world who will say things like people should go and die because of X (probably they are immature teenagers).

I guarantee you that in the real world, when you're around people who have lives and who are productive and intelligent, things like someone's stretch marks are not an issue at all.

You really have to replace the time you spend reading about stretch marks with a productive activity that would work towards your career or other goals.


You need to make a conscious effort to stop yourself every time you are tempted to do research about stretch marks, it's just making you feel worse.

 

[mandoris]

If you really like that guy, just go talk to him and tell him exactly what you told us. Hell, send him the URL. But seriously, if you feel like your reservedness cost you something, you now have nothing further to lose in regard to that guy. Risk it.

Your other overall issues are a lot harder... People will tell you that everything is fine and you have nothing to worry about, they are saying that to make you feel better, but because you can see they are lying to be nice it destroys all their credibility to truly offer comfort.

Let me just say this. The things you find fault with in yourself are all real concerns, if it's something you don't like about yourself, probably others won't appreciate it either. (I'm saying this generically, to anything you might feel is an issue) But that said, honestly, seriously, you need to believe this... You are your own worst critic. Anything you find fault in yourself, other people might see it, but they will never ever come CLOSE to feeling as strongly about it as you do. I say this from experience in my own life.

Take care of yourself, and do your best to keep a realistic picture. If you could get all of your friends to be as honest with you about their insecurities as you have just been with us, you would be amazed at all the things they worry about that are a complete non-issue to you, or certainly not dealbreakers in your relationships.

 

[kjames]

Biggestloser105: That is exactly what I have been trying to do and it is helping. I have noticed that I don't obsess over them quite as much as I did before, now that I haven't been spending endless hours researching them on the internet.

Mandoris: Ah! Honestly, I have thought about doing that SO much in the last couple months. But I don't know if it's really a good idea anyways. I feel like I haven't changed the way I see myself and feel like I would end up just pushing him away again if it did turn out he wanted to give things another shot. I guess I just don't feel like it would be fair to him because I'm still not in the right mindset for a relationship right now...as much as it really sucks

I really appreciate your honesty about everything. I definitely agree that we are our worst critic. I know that I barely even notice things that bother other people a lot about themselves so I guess the same goes for me in some respect. This is one of the things that I'm working on with my counselor right now...hopefully with her help I'll begin to believe that I'm worth more than I see myself right now. Thanks for all your support!