Hikari’s Rollercoaster Diary

Hikari

Hikari

New member
Well then, here we go. :)

-- How much weight do you want to lose?
Me? I wanna loose 60 lbs, but 50 is ok as well, 60 is my ultimate goal though.

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
Four or five months I think. It’s reasonable if I think.

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
Well, eat less junk and eat more actual food is a good start for me. Don’t eat when I’m bored and tings like that. I’m not the biggest fan of exercise, but I’ll try to play some DDR a few times a week.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
That’s the thing… I dun get much support irl, my sis encourage me and stuff, but that’s it, and we dun speak to each other that much so… yeah. And my mom, she actually tries to sabotage me. Just because she has gained weight the last year she doesn’t want me to loose it either because then I’ll be ‘thin’ and she’ll be the biggest woman in the family. It’s really frustrating... so I hope this place will be a help.

-- How realistic is your goal?
I think it’s realistic. I just have to stick to it and not eat more then 1300-1500 calories. Then it should be fine, and toss in some DDR it’s all peachy... I just need to stick to it.

-- When will you start?
TODAY! 207-11-26


1. What is your current height and weight? Way to much, but I’ll tell anyway. I’m 5 foot 3 inches and I weigh (I think) 185 lbs. I’m gonna avoid the scale for the first 4 weeks because otherwise I’ll obsess over it. I need to get started without constantly thinking about the scale as well as the food.
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? 125 lbs... I think it must have been like 12 years since I was that weight… and it didn’t last long. I’m 23 now btw :p
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? It would be awesome if I had reached my goal by then, or at least be in the 130ies.
4. Why do you want to lose weight? I want to feel good about myself and to get rid of the pains in my knees and back. And to look good of course. :p
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? Well, if I get a job soon I’ll be saving up for a trip, and by then I really want to have lost most of the weight at least. So that would be about... sometime in July 2008.
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? The fact that I get so extremely bored that I turn to food, and once I start eating I don’t stop, even if I’m full. It’s like I can’t stop myself, and sticking with my plans... 8 weeks was the most I could stick to last time, and I lost a fair amount then, but then I got depressed and gained it all back... so blah! I need to find a job so I have something to do and distract me.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? Because I’ve always been told I was big/fat even if I wasn’t when I was young. My mom was really fast to point it out, and I’ve comforted myself with food from an early age so I do that even now, even though I know it’s stupid. I just don’t seem to be able to stop myself.
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? Just to be able to stop myself from eating chips and cookies in the quantities I’ve been doing, and eat more real food. I really hate cooking and stuff because I live alone... so I usually just get some sandwiches instead of cooking a warm meal. If I can change that I think it won’t be a problem, and to stop eating before I’m stuffed... that’s probably a good thing as well.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? Yeah... I lost like 30 lbs not to long ago, but like I wrote before, I got depressed. I have a few things I feel works for me, so I’ll stick to them this time as well. Like weigh and write up what I eat and stuff. The basics. It’s what works.
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? Depression. I’ve been out of work for almost a year now, and it’s stressful not knowing when I’ll get a new one or if I’m gonna get one. One more evil circle...
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work? A lot of exercise... I just can’t stay motivated, so I get frustrated and eat... Another evil circle...
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? That’s what I do when I try to loose weight, but when I loose motivation, it’s like I turn a blind eye and just eat without feeling bad about it... even though I know it’ll cost me.
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? Nope... not often at all, but if I do cook it’s usually fried rice with tuna and carrots.
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? Never. Dun have the money.
15. What are your three favorite foods? Grilled cheese sandwiches, home made pizza and... potatoes and home made meatballs.
16. What are your three favorite restaurants? Can’t say I have any...
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Not to eat junk because I feel down, cook food, write down everything I eat.
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? Gosh... I would have a ‘flat’ stomach for starters and the rest to go with it. Lol I can see it in my minds eye, but I’m not able to describe it the way I want to, so I wont try.
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry? All the time.
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? Yapp.
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret? It happens.
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Yes.
23. Do you eat as a reward? Not really, just once in a while.
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? Yes, all the time.
25. What do you normally eat for a meal? Sandwiches, water/soda, and cookies and stuff.
26. What type of snacks do you eat? Popcorn, cookies, chips, chocolate...
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? DDR once in a while.
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home? At home. I hate the gym.
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? Martial arts, DDR, swimming.
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? To fit into clothes I can’t fit into now and to feel better about myself.
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals? Dunno what to have besides the satisfaction of being able to wear clothes I wasn’t able to wear before. I dun have the money to buy myself any rewards at the moment. Oh well...

So that’s it for the questions. This will be my diary to went and suck. Hopefully I’ll stick to writing in it.

Thanks for reading.

/Hikari

*Quick edit*

Oh yeah! I forgot what I wanted to write in as well, got so into the Q&A.
Anyone around here wanna buddy up? A bit more support a little more often?
Just wondering if anyone is up to it.

Laters then~
 
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Well. My day is coming to an end, but I doubt I’ll sleep much tonight due to a lot of cola-zero and the fact that I sleep a lot during the day.

Anyway, so how did it go with the food today? Not good... lots of sandwiches... I have to exercise tomorrow... coz it’s to late now, dun wanna wake the neighbours. The joy of living in an apartment, better then living at home though.

At the least I’ve gotten enough fluids today... one of my major problems to tell the truth. I seriously need to drink more water... oh well. In due time.

Meeting with my job coach tomorrow... after that I’ll play ddr for an hour and a half, minimum, and stick to my food plan. (Have to type it up tonight)

Things will work out, I’m sure... just need to try and stay motivated even though the stupid sandwiches is a bit of a step in the wrong direction..

Positive thought! I can do it! :p
 
Day 2

Well this day had gone much much better then yesterday. A bit tired though, my sleeping pattern is still off, but I’m trying to fix it.

So I’ve played DDR today, go me!, and I used the workout mode, so I burned around 300 calories. :) Morning workout!

Then I had some special K strawberries and milk, and a protein shake (because I have a really hard time getting all the proteins I need otherwise) and an apple.

The day has been pretty slow though, haven’t been doing much so no snack fruit today. Then for lunch I had cereal and milk again... I know, repetitive, but I really couldn’t bother with making anything for lunch... dun have that much stuff at home anyway.

Dinner, simple stuff, rice and oven baked salmon and raw carrots.

And then later in the evening I had another protein shake, yaay for proteins.

I most likely need to drink more water though. I think I’ve done well on that for today, more then I drink usually, so it’s a step in the right direction at least.

Other then that? Nada.

One more day of boredom... I’ve come to the conclusion that I want a metal or a hard plastic ddr pad though... my best mat gave out today, an old ps1 mat, the original stuff. Went haywire, couldn’t do a thing, it decided to start the game even though I didn’t step on the X and the select button didn’t work. I had an extra though, but it’s the bubbly kind, won’t lay flat on the floor, really annoying, and the left arrow doesn’t work all the time. *sighs* Well, it’ll have to do for now... I dun have the money to buy a new one either way. I just have to hope it’ll stay ok until I get a job.

With that said, today’s entry is done!
Yaaay me~
 
Something that works for me when planning out foods:

Make out your meals for the entire week. Go to the grocery store and buy EVERYTHING on that list. Then start preparing all in one day / night. I take my salad and wash it and wrap it in papertowels and place it in zip lock bags. This will keep it crisp in your fridge for up to 2 weeks. I cook my chicken etc. The only thing I do not cook ahead of time is rice, oatmeal, etc. I even cook my egg whites ahead of time.

The key to success is to plan. If you do not plan, you will get caught in moments where you are not prepared and the little red devil on your shoulder takes over and then your choices go to hell in a hand basket.

YOU CAN DO THIS

Traci
 
Hikari said:
Well this day had gone much much better then yesterday. A bit tired though, my sleeping pattern is still off, but I’m trying to fix it.

So I’ve played DDR today, go me!, and I used the workout mode, so I burned around 300 calories. :) Morning workout!

Then I had some special K strawberries and milk, and a protein shake (because I have a really hard time getting all the proteins I need otherwise) and an apple.

The day has been pretty slow though, haven’t been doing much so no snack fruit today. Then for lunch I had cereal and milk again... I know, repetitive, but I really couldn’t bother with making anything for lunch... dun have that much stuff at home anyway.

Dinner, simple stuff, rice and oven baked salmon and raw carrots.

And then later in the evening I had another protein shake, yaay for proteins.

I most likely need to drink more water though. I think I’ve done well on that for today, more then I drink usually, so it’s a step in the right direction at least.

Other then that? Nada.

One more day of boredom... I’ve come to the conclusion that I want a metal or a hard plastic ddr pad though... my best mat gave out today, an old ps1 mat, the original stuff. Went haywire, couldn’t do a thing, it decided to start the game even though I didn’t step on the X and the select button didn’t work. I had an extra though, but it’s the bubbly kind, won’t lay flat on the floor, really annoying, and the left arrow doesn’t work all the time. *sighs* Well, it’ll have to do for now... I dun have the money to buy a new one either way. I just have to hope it’ll stay ok until I get a job.

With that said, today’s entry is done!
Yaaay me~
Click to expand...


A couple of the girls on here are using DDR .. I have heard its a lot of fun!
I eat out of boredom to, among other reasons. I get so full, but I keep going, well You can do this hun! I still managed for lose four pounds in March, regardless of binging once in a while..

Stay strong and it shall fall into place ..
Keep it up :)
Natalie jo :party:
 
nataliejo said:
A couple of the girls on here are using DDR .. I have heard its a lot of fun!
I eat out of boredom to, among other reasons. I get so full, but I keep going, well You can do this hun! I still managed for lose four pounds in March, regardless of binging once in a while..

Stay strong and it shall fall into place ..
Keep it up :)
Natalie jo :party:
Click to expand...

Thanks for the encuragment Nataliejo. :)

And I know all to well about the binging... lol I did it for almost 3 months, that's why I gained like 15-20 lbs, which is a real horror, I knew I had gained, I noticed it on my clothes, but I choose to ingore it. I really couldn't be bothered. Been bored as hell and things have been going against me lately... *shrugs*

But I'm back on track. :) Yaay me.

And Regarding DDR... it's kinda fun... but when you have played the same songs over and over and over again... it gets a bit annoying. XD I've upped the chalange level though, so I have to concentrate on the arrows more then the actual music, just have to keep the beat in mind.

Thanks again for the encuragement, I really aprichiate it. :)
 
Ups and downs...

Long time no writing... So what have I been up to? Well one week ago I got on the scale because I made up my mind of once again to take care of my weight problem. In three months I had gained like 15-20 lbs... I was horrified and disgusted.

I basically just couldn’t be bothered with what I was eating, I was in a bit of a low, nothing going my way and bored as hell. I ignored the fact that my clothes started to get awfully tight, I just switched back to my baggy clothes.

But now I’m back on track, finally!, and I’m going to stay on track, I know I can do it, I just have to keep myself motivated. So this time around I’ve made a reward system! Every 10 lbs I loose I treat myself to something. Like the first thing is a visit to the movies and the second is a dvd of my choice and the third is a haircut... I haven’t figured out what else to add, but I’ll figure something out.

I also have this dress I would love to wear to my birthday the 5th of July, (I've attached a picture of the dress) , I’ve had it for like 2 years or something but I’ve never been able to wear it... I think I’ll have to weight around, 155-150 lbs to get in to it... I couldn’t wear it when I was 165... I don’t have to high hops for reaching that goal though. That’s like 40-45 lbs in 12 weeks... I think... that’s almost 4 lbs per week... and that just won’t happen. It ain’t healthy for one.

I’ll just have to do my best and hope for the best. I’ll be able to wear that dress sooner or later... I just wished it was sooner.

I’ve had a good week though, I did have a bit of a stumble on Wednesday, I ate more then planned and didn’t exercise at all. Cramps and Cravings are a big setback for me, but I’ll deal with it. It was only one day.

I have my weigh-in tomorrow, I think I did good enough. Should have lost 2 lbs... might just be water weight... but it’s still a mental motivation. :D

Well that’s my ramble for now.

Laters~ :seeya:
 
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Hikari said:
Long time no writing... So what have I been up to? Well one week ago I got on the scale because I made up my mind of once again to take care of my weight problem. In three months I had gained like 15-20 lbs... I was horrified and disgusted.

I basically just couldn’t be bothered with what I was eating, I was in a bit of a low, nothing going my way and bored as hell. I ignored the fact that my clothes started to get awfully tight, I just switched back to my baggy clothes.

But now I’m back on track, finally!, and I’m going to stay on track, I know I can do it, I just have to keep myself motivated. So this time around I’ve made a reward system! Every 10 lbs I loose I treat myself to something. Like the first thing is a visit to the movies and the second is a dvd of my choice and the third is a haircut... I haven’t figured out what else to add, but I’ll figure something out.

I also have this dress I would love to wear to my birthday the 5th of July, (I've attached a picture of the dress) , I’ve had it for like 2 years or something but I’ve never been able to wear it... I think I’ll have to weight around, 155-150 lbs to get in to it... I couldn’t wear it when I was 165... I don’t have to high hops for reaching that goal though. That’s like 40-45 lbs in 12 weeks... I think... that’s almost 4 lbs per week... and that just won’t happen. It ain’t healthy for one.

I’ll just have to do my best and hope for the best. I’ll be able to wear that dress sooner or later... I just wished it was sooner.

I’ve had a good week though, I did have a bit of a stumble on Wednesday, I ate more then planned and didn’t exercise at all. Cramps and Cravings are a big setback for me, but I’ll deal with it. It was only one day.

I have my weigh-in tomorrow, I think I did good enough. Should have lost 2 lbs... might just be water weight... but it’s still a mental motivation. :D

Well that’s my ramble for now.

Laters~ :seeya:
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Congrats on getting back on the band wagon.. I have my bad days... everyone does. You can do this hun. WE all know it and are here for your support. Just keep writing in your diary, Keep trecking, it shall come. You will be able to fit in that dress, but maybe by not July, but think ahead to "I will wear that dress!" maybe no in July, but soon after. BuT just think ..positive... just remember that dress on your bad days, remember us here, that you can come here, through your times you binge, or dont work out, you can vent all you want here, times you tell us when you are losing weight and everything is going as planned ..
Keep trecking hun
Your doing awesome!!

always
natalie jo :party:
 
nataliejo said:
Congrats on getting back on the band wagon.. I have my bad days... everyone does. You can do this hun. WE all know it and are here for your support. Just keep writing in your diary, Keep trecking, it shall come. You will be able to fit in that dress, but maybe by not July, but think ahead to "I will wear that dress!" maybe no in July, but soon after. BuT just think ..positive... just remember that dress on your bad days, remember us here, that you can come here, through your times you binge, or dont work out, you can vent all you want here, times you tell us when you are losing weight and everything is going as planned ..
Keep trecking hun
Your doing awesome!!

always
natalie jo :party:
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Thank you once again Natalie jo. :) It's always uplifting to read your words of encoragement. I will do my best even if it's hard every now and then.
I'm just gonna make sure that I don't binge. If I don't get in the dress by July I'll just work my best to fit into it by my sibblings birthdays in september instead. :D
 
To....much....water....

I feel like I'm gonna explode.... I realize kinda late in the day that I should drink more fluids and drinks a little to much in one go....

I've been feeling a bit ill all day, but I did my workout anyway, even though I was feeling a bit iffy. And it wasn't because I've had to much water in one go, maybe it was because I've had to little water.... Don't know for sure.

Anyway, I danced away for 5.5 km :D which is nice. One hour on playing ddr works up a sweat for sure. I couldn't really concentrate for good today though... was a bit sluggish, and I so wanted to give up after 40 minutes, but I didn't! I played the workout list one more time so I got a full hour workout. :) Yaaay me~

So I'm feeling good about myself even though I feel sluggish. I'm gonna try and get to bed early tonight... and hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep fairly fast.

Well, that's my ramblings for now.

Laters~
 
hi there, just popping in to see 'who everyone is'.

Good job yesterday! I ABSOLUTELY lOVE LOVE LOVE that dress you posted and I think being able to wear it ANY day would be the bomb. I just love asian culture and dress, my best friend is vietnamese and she has some dresses like that--man are they fab!
 
mom2 said:
hi there, just popping in to see 'who everyone is'.

Good job yesterday! I ABSOLUTELY lOVE LOVE LOVE that dress you posted and I think being able to wear it ANY day would be the bomb. I just love asian culture and dress, my best friend is vietnamese and she has some dresses like that--man are they fab!
Click to expand...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by.

And I absolutely LOVE the dress as well! I love asian culture as well. And I would so love to get some j-pop/rock inspired clothes as well! I just love the style to death! But I'll wait till I've lost most of the weight I'm aiming to loose. And that dress is quite big, so when i reach my ultimate goal it'll prolly be to big. :D But that's alright! I'll just buy a new one! lol

Thanks again for stopping by!
 
Hikari said:
I feel like I'm gonna explode.... I realize kinda late in the day that I should drink more fluids and drinks a little to much in one go....

I've been feeling a bit ill all day, but I did my workout anyway, even though I was feeling a bit iffy. And it wasn't because I've had to much water in one go, maybe it was because I've had to little water.... Don't know for sure.

Anyway, I danced away for 5.5 km :D which is nice. One hour on playing ddr works up a sweat for sure. I couldn't really concentrate for good today though... was a bit sluggish, and I so wanted to give up after 40 minutes, but I didn't! I played the workout list one more time so I got a full hour workout. :) Yaaay me~

So I'm feeling good about myself even though I feel sluggish. I'm gonna try and get to bed early tonight... and hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep fairly fast.

Well, that's my ramblings for now.

Laters~
Click to expand...
It is from not getting enough water. Drink a lot of water, especially when working out!

best wishes
natalie jo :party:
 
Hikari said:
Hey! Thanks for stopping by.

And I absolutely LOVE the dress as well! I love asian culture as well. And I would so love to get some j-pop/rock inspired clothes as well! I just love the style to death! But I'll wait till I've lost most of the weight I'm aiming to loose. And that dress is quite big, so when i reach my ultimate goal it'll prolly be to big. :D But that's alright! I'll just buy a new one! lol

Thanks again for stopping by!
Click to expand...
Before you know it youll be styling and wearing any clothes you want. I am fitting back into my old clothes, which are much more sexier than my bigger clothes lol They don't make the greatest stuff for us bigger girls. u know?

well ttylater hun
sorry I havent stopped by for a while
will check in soon when you write another post

always
natalie jo:party:
 
nataliejo said:
Before you know it youll be styling and wearing any clothes you want. I am fitting back into my old clothes, which are much more sexier than my bigger clothes lol They don't make the greatest stuff for us bigger girls. u know?

well ttylater hun
sorry I havent stopped by for a while
will check in soon when you write another post

always
natalie jo:party:
Click to expand...

The clothes for bigger girls are horrible... and I have to say, I absolutely hate the fasion trend now. I think it's horrid, I wouldn't wear much of it even if I could fit into it.

At the moment I'm wearing alot of hoodies and baggy jeans. I feel most comfortable in those clothes atm. And I'll most likely wear them for months to come, until I've lost enough to fit into my smaller jeans without the fat rolling over. :ack2:

And ya dun have to worry about not stopping by for a while and such. I bet ya read alot of posts so it's alright. I'm just glad someone is taking the time to read, sicne I myself ain't that good at reading other peoples journals.... there's so many of them it's kinda overhwelming ya know?

So thanks again for comenting. I really aprichiate it. :grouphug:
 
Two weeks done....

Soooo... another week as come to its end. I’ve done good enough this week, just wished I could actually start liking working out and stuff. I just think it’s so mindnumbingly boring. I find no joy in it. Getting sweaty and all that... bleh... but I do it anyway. I’ve done about 250 minutes of some sort of cardio, more or less anyway, this week.

I’ve actually upped the level of arrows on some of the DDR songs, but forty minutes of those is the limit for my brain to process the arrows and all the flashing backgrounds and stuff. I bet the game has caused at least one seizure somewhere in the world.

And I almost got an 800, I think it was at 750 something... I’m not to sure, got a little annoyed at myself for screwing up so I forgot. lol. But after that my concentration went out the window. I missed a lot of arrows, kept jumping around though, just didn’t get them all.

So what else? Well... been doing good with my calories, the water is still a problem though, but I’m drinking it. Most of it in the evening... which is kinda stupid in a way... oh well.

I’ve lost 8,8 lbs so far! Way to go me! 3,3 this week, soon I’ll be able to treat myself to my first reward. When I’ve lost 10 lbs I’ll treat myself to a movie visit... just have to find someone to go with as well. :D I’ll find someone... and I’ll have to figure out what movie to watch.

So I’m doing good so far. Two weeks done... rest of my life to go. Lol

Oh well.

That’s my ramble for now. I’m of to drink some more water, and then have my last complementary protein shake of the day.

Laters~
 
Hikari said:
Soooo... another week as come to its end. I’ve done good enough this week, just wished I could actually start liking working out and stuff. I just think it’s so mindnumbingly boring. I find no joy in it. Getting sweaty and all that... bleh... but I do it anyway. I’ve done about 250 minutes of some sort of cardio, more or less anyway, this week.

I’ve actually upped the level of arrows on some of the DDR songs, but forty minutes of those is the limit for my brain to process the arrows and all the flashing backgrounds and stuff. I bet the game has caused at least one seizure somewhere in the world.

And I almost got an 800, I think it was at 750 something... I’m not to sure, got a little annoyed at myself for screwing up so I forgot. lol. But after that my concentration went out the window. I missed a lot of arrows, kept jumping around though, just didn’t get them all.

So what else? Well... been doing good with my calories, the water is still a problem though, but I’m drinking it. Most of it in the evening... which is kinda stupid in a way... oh well.

I’ve lost 8,8 lbs so far! Way to go me! 3,3 this week, soon I’ll be able to treat myself to my first reward. When I’ve lost 10 lbs I’ll treat myself to a movie visit... just have to find someone to go with as well. :D I’ll find someone... and I’ll have to figure out what movie to watch.

So I’m doing good so far. Two weeks done... rest of my life to go. Lol

Oh well.

That’s my ramble for now. I’m of to drink some more water, and then have my last complementary protein shake of the day.

Laters~
Click to expand...

Hey Hikari,
Awesome loss on the scale! :party::party::party:You go!
Your doing great!
Thats so awesome, and you sound like you are really going crazy on the ddr, thats good, lots of cardio...

good job
best wishes
natalie jo :party::party::party:
 
good job on the weight loss!!!

yeah, i understand the whole thing about fashion, some things just look so much better on leaner frames.

sigh.
 
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