Hi there - can I have some opinions please?

cuteKitty

cuteKitty

New member
Hey there, my name is Cass, and I'm from Hertfordshire, near London in the UK. I found this forum from google, and think it could really help me, so if it's ok, I'd like to start off with my reasons for contemplating some weightloss...

Around December time, I will be meeting up again with a friend I've not seen for almost a year. I'm really very fond of him, but up until now I've had no reason to think he might like me back. Due to work constraints, we are going to wait until December to meet up again, and I *really* want to make a good impression when it comes to my looks.

As it stands, I am a UK size 14-16 (I'm not sure how that translates in US sizing, but I think it's a 12-14) and I just know he goes more for a UK 10-12 (US 8-10), as do most UK guys! So, I was wondering, do you all think this is do-able? I'm not sure of my actual weight as I know it will put me in a very low mind-frame if I knew, and do me more harm than good. I'm 5foot 8inches tall, so carry my weight relatively well, but I'm still not happy. I know if I have a target or aim it will spur me on further, but I don't see the point of trying and failing if it's obvious I'll not succeed before I even start! I know, this is a very bad way of looking at things!!!

In short, I need to go down around 2 dress sizes in just under 3 months. I would really appreciate any input, and maybe ways you could suggest I go about it? My weight increased when I went to Uni as eating habits have to adapt to budget, but I don't actually eat all that much, and certainly not badly (thanks to my Mum now I'm home again!). Is there any form of exercise people could suggest that would be beneficial? I currently do no exercise, but am keen to start with some guidance and tips!

Sorry if I've babbled on, but I hope to hear from some of you soon!

Cass xXx
 
:d

I think it's great that you want to lose weight. I'm not sure if you're goal is doable. What I wanted to say was, that I think you're beautiful how you are. I hope you are very careful when attempting this as to not make yourself sick. I'm sure if your friend is a good guy it won't matter much how thin you are. And really, is a man worth getting sick over?

Please be careful. Do it for you and your health. I made myself very sick once to loss weight for a guy. It's not worth it. I now have a Fiance who doesn't care how fat I am. He just wants me to be healthy. That's what every woman shoud have. :x
 
Well, my first opinion is that if you need to lose weight to get a guy to like you, he's not worth the effort. But I'm sure you already knew that.


My second opinion is that any weight loss is possible if you do it smartly. If you're serious about this, then you need to do some reading (check out the stickied threads in various areas) and get the info you need to get started. Start a diary if you want, and you'll get all the support you need!

Welcome here!!
 
If he's only attracted to you because you will be size 10-12, then there are plenty of other size 10-12 girls around, and he might just go off again with one of them.

If he's attracted to you, i.e. your personality, you can have a lot more confidence in the relationship because there's only one of you in the world.

There will always be thinner girls than you, sexier girls than you, more flirtatious girls than you. So don't make appearances the basis of your attractiveness. You really like this guy, so show him how caring and lovely you are.

I say all this to prevent you from going on a crash diet. Rapid weight loss often has the effect of making you grumpy and irritable, because you're hungry. In other words you'd be suppressing the very things he should be falling in love with.

Lose weight by all means, but slowly. Don't make losing 3 dress sizes your goal. Switch to a healthier lifestyle and you'll be fitter, brighter and happier when you meet him. I'm certain you'll be more attractive that way, than a pale unhealthy unhappy size 10.
 
Hi all...

Thank you for all your input. Firstly - colonic sounds super scary! So I may give that a miss, but thank you for the suggestion anyway :)

Secondly, to the rest of you - I hear what you are saying about how he should like me for being 'me' and not what I look like. Fact is though, I have a feeling looks are the 'be all and end all' with him right now, and if I can please him that way now, then maybe he will mature in a while and see me for the person I am. He's never had a long term girlfriend, actively admits he has never wanted one, and just enjoys one night stands and flings at the moment. You may wonder what the hell I see in him actually!

On another level, I'm never happy with my looks and just need to get myself sorted, and I hope this place will guide me in the right direction... :)
 
This might come off bitchy, but sorry... that fellow sounds a bit too shallow. If looks are the "be all and end all," I suppose he'll never be satisfied with just one person. Maturity level is definitely in question on his part. As for yourself... bugger that. Why become a possible one night stand? Shite... you have WAY more to offer than just that. However, if that's how you get down, then by all means... haha Also, you said it yourself about needing to get yourself "sorted." Focus everything on you, not some silly bloke.

And Colonics? You've got to be shitting me. HA!

-Sheryl
 
No offence meant towards anyone who likes that sort of thing, but one nighters just aren't me. And in hindsight, I guess it is very naive on my part to think he would want anything more if I gave in and let him have a one nighter. It's because I've liked him for so long, that I guess I'm on a bit of an emotional loop - and he probably knows that!

The funny thing is up until about 2 weeks ago, I'd never been happier. I wasn't annoyed that I was single, was coping with my looks as best as I can (they get me down big time a lot, but I was just blocking it all out) and looking to my future (I've got lots of forthcoming plans when it comes to my career). But 2 weeks ago, all of a sudden, I became irritable and frustrated and preoccupied. And what happened 2 weeks ago? Aforementioned friend got back in contact after a couple of months, and when I asked why, he said 'I guess over time you realise things'. Which is still cryptic to me and has driven me mad. And I'm now finding myself reverting back to my ways of second guessing what he wants from me and worrying how he could ever like me.

I'm not saying I want to lose weight just for him, as I am desperate to do it for myself. But I'm very annoyed with myself that I've allowed him to become my ultimate goal in weight loss now :flame:
 
Bah... girl, don't go becoming a victim to a manipulator. Besides, when I used to roam around the UK (and mind you, I was heavier.. haha) I realized men liked curvy girls. God... gotta love UK boys. LOL If anything, work on your confidence level and health and I bet you you'll have the men swarming in no time, doll. :D

-Sheryl
 
Thing is, I never look at guys when I'm 'roaming' around - and I'd never know it if people were checking me out! I'm completely oblivious to it all! Maybe if I got more confident, things would change... and my only confidence denter is my figure... so that's clearly what I need to change :D
 
Hi cutekitty,
American sizes are UK minus 4, so say if you're a UK size 14 you're a US size 10 (why oh why can't there be universal sizing?!).
Anyway, I really think your aim is do-able. You don't have unrealistic expectations in my opinion. I'm also a size 14 and two years ago I went from a 14 to a size ten with Weight Watchers. I joined in April and was a size 10 by March - so you really can do it! I admit, I worked really very hard (I'm trying to get back in that mindset now having regained all the weight), but the fact that you have a specific date and target to aim for should spur you on!
Good Luck! xxx
P.S. I added you to my buddy list because there aren't that many english people on here, and I noticed you're an English Lit graduate - me too! xxxx
 
Consider yourself added as my buddy too :D

I'm determined to work super hard for this... and after getting my head straight thanks to all of you, it'll be for me, not him! I'm now revelling in the thought of being able to see him, and if he is astounded, I'll know he can look all he likes but I'll be damned if he can touch!
 
(I registered just for this)

I think some of the reactions on this board borderline the comical. This is the 'weightloss' forum if I'm not mistaken right? So someone comes in and say they want to lose weight, but because you don't like their reason for doing it, what comes out is criticism on that person's romantic lifestyle? How ridiculous and pretentious.

Sure you can lose weight for the sake of your own health, and sure some people really take things to the extreme when it comes to weight control, but so what? Judging them certainly isn't a way to make them feel welcome. As for the "he'll love you whether your size 10 or size 25" comment, that's an incredibly naive thing to say. Do a bit of research on why obesity is seen by other human beings as 'negative' and you'll find there are inherent gene-related reasons to people's reactions towards 'rounder' human beings. Whether you think that's shallow or not really doesn't matter: it just is.

End of rant. cuteKitty, I personally went from a jean size 38 to a size 32 in two and half month, and I'm not sure how that relates to dress sizes, but that's a lot of weight dropped. Hence it's possible. Was it easy? Well it depends how motivated you are. And my wife thinks it's brilliant by the way, and barely recognizes the 'new me'.

I hope you have a lot of success in your endeavor and I wish you the best! What you believe is right: it's truly gratifying to present a 'new you' that feels (and looks) great!
 
Hi Kate & welcome here, hooray for another Brit! :)

I'm glad you found this site and I hope you find it a source of support & motivation! I think your goal is achieveable! I've lost weight relatively slowly, but I have lost it none the less (and I'm still loosing slowly).

My advice to you is to get some exercise. As I said I've lost weight pretty slowly, almost 60lbs in 18 months, but I've only really started to PUSH myself with exercise in the last couple of months, and I have to say that since I have people are really starting to notice the difference in my figure. Any exercise you enjoy is good, I have been swimming and going to the gym. Don't be affraid to do some weights in the gym, a little more muscle and you'll use more energy doing every day things. The first week will be tough, but you should notice a real difference after two weeks, and it starts to be come enjoyable too :) Be careful what you eat but don't go hungry, and be sure to get your 5 a day.
 
Adidas said:
This is the 'weightloss' forum if I'm not mistaken right? So someone comes in and say they want to lose weight, but because you don't like their reason for doing it, what comes out is criticism on that person's romantic lifestyle? How ridiculous and pretentious.

Sure you can lose weight for the sake of your own health, and sure some people really take things to the extreme when it comes to weight control, but so what? Judging them certainly isn't a way to make them feel welcome.
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Yup... this is definitely a "Weight Loss Forum" the last time I checked. As for criticizing her reason to wanting to lose weight, I wouldn't go as far as saying that. If anything, those who posted her back are showing concern for her. The main reason for this forum is to emphasize a healthy lifestyle change: dietary, physically, as well as mentally. If recognizing her self worth and telling her she deserves to be treated right makes us out to be judgmental, then by all means... please let me introduce my pretentious ass. My name is Sheryl and welcome to the WLF.
 
Adidas said:
(I registered just for this)
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Thanks for the info. I registered b/c I care about people.

I think some of the reactions on this board borderline the comical.
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Me too.

There are so many whack jobs that just don't get it.

That said, I didn't see any of those 'reactions' in this thread.

This is the 'weightloss' forum if I'm not mistaken right? So someone comes in and say they want to lose weight, but because you don't like their reason for doing it, what comes out is criticism on that person's romantic lifestyle? How ridiculous and pretentious.
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So, you are telling me that if your daughter wanted to lose weight just to please a guy, you'd let her?

Let's get serious for a moment.

Nobody was criticizing this girl for the sake of making her feel bad. I think anyone with a little common sense and brain-matter between the ears would realize that the above posters were acting with good intent. The OP brought in her personal life to a PUBLIC forum and ASKED for opinions. If she simply asked for some advice about weight loss.... fine. But she didn't. You put yourself out there publicly, this is what you get.

And last time I checked.... losing weight for anyone but yourself is a surefire way to fail.

But what the F do I know?

Like you said, this is just a weight loss forum. We should ONLY worry about weight loss and not people's emotions and general well-being.

Sure you can lose weight for the sake of your own health, and sure some people really take things to the extreme when it comes to weight control, but so what? Judging them certainly isn't a way to make them feel welcome. As for the "he'll love you whether your size 10 or size 25" comment, that's an incredibly naive thing to say. Do a bit of research on why obesity is seen by other human beings as 'negative' and you'll find there are inherent gene-related reasons to people's reactions towards 'rounder' human beings. Whether you think that's shallow or not really doesn't matter: it just is.
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Are you serious?

Secondly, do you know how many guys out there prefer a larger woman? You seem to be operating under the assumption we are genetically hard-wired to behave exactly the same as human beings.

Think again.

I'm trying to figure out your argument here. From what I can tell, it's simply that losing weight just so a guy will like you is 'ok'.

Wow.

Or is it that b/c this is a weight loss forum we should keep all personal banter out of it and merely focus on weight loss? If so, you already contradicted yourself.

Plus, the mechanisms affecting weight loss (or lack thereof) seem to be dominated by psychological factors. That said, it would seem pretty evident to me that much of what's been discussed in this thread has been logical advice.

End of rant. cuteKitty, I personally went from a jean size 38 to a size 32 in two and half month, and I'm not sure how that relates to dress sizes, but that's a lot of weight dropped. Hence it's possible. Was it easy? Well it depends how motivated you are. And my wife thinks it's brilliant by the way, and barely recognizes the 'new me'.
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Congrats. :)
 
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Being fit and at a slim weight is about so much more than "Looks". Weight and muscle tone are under a person's control. ( In most cases). So Why is a person "Shallow" if they would prefer a partner who is fit?

 
Misty53 said:
Being fit and at a slim weight is about so much more than "Looks". Weight and muscle tone are under a person's control. ( In most cases). So Why is a person "Shallow" if they would prefer a partner who is fit?
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Point = missed

The point that was being conveyed, which I thought was quite clear and simple, was if you need to change your physique in order for a guy to like you, chances are good the guy isn't worth your time.
 
Steve said:
Point = missed

The point that was being conveyed, which I thought was quite clear and simple, was if you need to change your physique in order for a guy to like you, chances are good the guy isn't worth your time.
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Amen... Alleluia... Praise the Lord... (Thanks, now I don't have to go to church this Sunday.) HA!

-Sheryl
 
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