Here I go again...

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DoctorBee

DoctorBee

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So I'm a 38 year old guy, always been big, since I was 6. I tipped the scales at 394 the other day, much closer to 400 than I'd ever thought I'd get.

I'm great at losing weight! I lost 25 pounds earlier this year!

I'm also great at gaining weight! All 25 are back! Along with back pain, ankle pain, shortness of breath, and the dreaded ED... Add in some skin tags, and I pretty much feel like Fat Gollum...

I need support. There's no getting around that. Too long I've tried to face this alone and got nowhere. I hate "fitnessy" people like trainers, which suggests I need an attitude adjustment, but I need something, so here I am.

Back to daily walking and moving. Back to eating for health and enjoyment rather than comfort, and frankly, what feels like addiction. Also had the hard conversation, and alcohol has got to go.

So here I go. Will post again tomorrow. Join me, won't you?

Let's get moving...
 
Hi Dr Bee and welcome to our little corner of the internet :) I guess I am a fitnessy kind of person but I'm also kind of fat so I'm in no position to preach. It sounds to me like you're very realistic about your motivation and challenges and that's a good place to start.

All the best for your journey!
LaMa.
 
Haha thanks for chiming in. I'll let you pass this time...

Yup. I'm basically at Rock Bottom. Letting go and grabbing hold simultaneously, which is weird...
 
Hi D & welcome to the forum. We are all good at losing/gaining/losing. We're human. You can do this. It is absolutely your choice. We'll be here to support you. It does require an attitude adjustment if you want to make permanent changes. It is well & truly worth it!
 
I think the problem with the "attitude adjustment" crowd is that they think that's a thing you can magically switch on, whereas in reality you wake up one morning, halfway through your battle, and realize that your attitude has changed along the way. Which is a big difference. I have an eternally slim&fit friend who will tell me to "just eat healthy". Thanks Captain Obvious...
 
I think you're right. It also doesn't get to the heart of the matter, in that I know more about food, nutrition, exercise, and the body than a lot of "skinny" people. That's not the knowledge that I need.

No one decides to be 400 lbs; you "behave" your way to 400, meaning it's a complicated nexus of learned behaviors, innate genetics, emotional triggers and responses, and the power of denial. I need to unlock my behavioral code and build new mechanisms. Simple! But it's not!

I need a "fitness advocate" that's one part trainer, one part dietician, one part social worker, one part psychoanalyst, and one part comedian.

I don't need a "coach", someone to be "tough" and get tough with. Years of bullying and negative messages, some subtle, some not, and I turn off immediately to that stuff.

So trying to focus on what I do need, the missing "meta" layer that keeps me from being consistent and allows for staggering denial that this is not a game: I'll die if I don't address this. Not tomorrow, or next week, but too soon for sure.

#MoreThanBroccoliAndWater
 
DoctorBee said:
I need a "fitness advocate" that's one part trainer, one part dietician, one part social worker, one part psychoanalyst, and one part comedian.

I don't need a "coach", someone to be "tough" and get tough with. Years of bullying and negative messages, some subtle, some not, and I turn off immediately to that stuff.
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I think, between us, we can help :)
 
I've got the social work part down - that's my job! Mwahaha, although I am also chunky, drink too much (and trying to cut down despite REALLY NOT FUCKING WANTING TO) and I make shitty choices. So I'm not much help. But I'm here, and we are all here, because we want change. Small steps.

Have you thought about setting some small goals? A few of us on here got FitBits and they've been quite helpful in making sure we walk enough.. or logging food on here or myfitnesspal. I like the interactive stuff so I like apps and devices that can help me track what I'm doing.
 
Oh yes, I have a jawbone up2 and a Samsung Gear 2. I also have a premium account on MyFitnessPal and MapMyWalk, linked to the devices. I have my macro ratios loaded on MyFitnessPal. Just logged my coffee!

I do REALLY well on low carb. 50% fat, 25% protein, 25% carb makes me happy and dropping quick, 2 lbs/wk with exercise. That's where I want to get back to.

What I need your help with is to STAY there.

Admit I awoke to crushing disappointment I will have to "behave", and trying to change the mindset to getting stoked to get my most ultimate prize instead: a healthy body I'm proud of, not ashamed.

I've carried shame my whole life.

Today I weighed 390.4.
 
Sunflower_ said:
I've got the social work part down - that's my job! Mwahaha, although I am also chunky, drink too much (and trying to cut down despite REALLY NOT FUCKING WANTING TO) and I make shitty choices. So I'm not much help. But I'm here, and we are all here, because we want change. Small steps.

Have you thought about setting some small goals? A few of us on here got FitBits and they've been quite helpful in making sure we walk enough.. or logging food on here or myfitnesspal. I like the interactive stuff so I like apps and devices that can help me track what I'm doing.
Click to expand...

I hear you on drinking. Struggle with feeling "punished" I can't drink. Have to defeat that belief/emotion.
 
I lose weight in 10 pound increments. I leave my target on a note on my bedroom wall. it's the first thing I see when I wake up, to hammer away at that denial.

380. The goal is 380 lbs.

Here. we. go.
 
DoctorBee said:
Add in some skin tags, and I pretty much feel like Fat Gollum
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Oh god the skin tags! I once counted how many I had and it was in the 20s. When I hit 275 my reward to myself is going to get all these things fucking cut off by the doctor.
 
Well there you go. Half hour walk in the bag. 1.25 miles. Actually enjoyed it; I can feel the blood in my fingertips in a really good way.

Now it's just staying under 2400 calories. At 900 now. No sweat.
 
You´re off to a good start :) I know that weight loss is mainly in the food we eat but moving more and enjoying it is always a nice motivation for me.
 
Just did my walk. 1.41 miles. Last day of vacation, not counting calories, but probably around 3000. Tomorrow it's back to work, which helps with my routine. Not drinking during football was weird, but I enjoyed the game just fine.
 
Went on my walk after work today. Slow going, plenty of lower back pain. I'm in the hot tub recovering. Eating is kind of meh today but I'm on some kind of structure anyway. The week's challenge is to walk half an hour after work every day. If I manage that without a major eating lapse I'm happy.
 
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