raven494
0
Hi all,
I need your help. But for that I guess you need to know where I'm coming from. Here's my boring diet-past.
2 years ago I started dieting for the sake of boosting my then 17 year old self image. I wasn't quite overweight, but pretty chubby. So I started cutting down portion sizes and ruled out flour, starch, fat and sugar completely from my diet and started working out like a mad woman, in the end 2 hours a day 6 days a week. It worked: I went from 160 pounds to 118.
The downside was that I was so happy with my new skinny self, I was getting obsessed and my parents and friends were getting worried. I assured them nothing was wrong until I had a breakdown 1 and half a year ago. I had gone to the gym as usual, feeling a bit sluggish, but pushed on to do those idiotic routines. Result, I nearly passed out. The weeks after that I had no energy, felt sick, but refused to increase my food intake. My parents concluded I was anorexic and pointed at all the bones sticking out from my frame. My hipbones could cut glass. When even my boyfriend started to complain I was convinced to increase my food intake.
I can tell you that when you go from a daily total of 500 cal to atleast 1500 you gain weight very quickly. Additionally I was restricted to work out 2hours a day and I was soon weighing 135 pounds. That's when the yoyoing started.
At 18 my weight changed more often than my dad changed the tv channel. I skipped meals at school to compensate for what I got at home,and got down to 130. Then one of my friends called my mom and told her what I was doing. (I'm grateful for that today.) She threatened to have my treated at a clinic and so I ate again. I went up to 140. The next 6 week holiday in San Fransisco with my "french fries & burgers" family was all it took to get to 155.
Then at 19 I went to London for an internship. At first it seemed the golden oppertunity to slim down. I signed up at a gym, started restricting cals again. But the preblem was that the hotel I worked at didn't have a proper kitchen and therefore I had to get food from outside.
I was put in a 2 by 2 room in the basement with bad ventilation and got ill and developed insomnia on top of that. I couldn't keep up with the working out routines and work at the hotel was very heavy. I had no breaks so occasionally, I wouldn't eat for 12 hours and then pig out at night when I was finally off. On my off days I would occasionally skip eating altogether, the idea of my bed more attractive than walking to the nearest restaurant. Sometimes I would sleep 22 hours straight, I was that tired. My metabolism got screwed up once again and when I decided to go back to eating 3 meals a day I gained again. Result: I'm now at 170. My childhood astma returned and I threatened to press charges to the hotel if they didn't change the way they were treating their employees. But the damage was already done.
So, there you have it: I slimmed down but after 2 years I'm heavier than when I started. I want to be healthy and toned, but I don't know where to start anymore. I'm afraid I screwed up my metabolism too much for a normal diet to work. I'm afraid that if I eat 5 portions a day I will get to a whopping 180. I don't want that. Exercise is practically none right now (just recovered from leg and rib injuries caused by falling down the stairs) but I'm picking up slowly again by taking the dog for walks and cycle instead of driving.
One good thing that finally got through my thick skull is that with my bodytype I'm better off aiming for Jessica Biel's muscular physique than the look of some skinny model. Therefore I'm convinced I won't turn anorexic again. But I need guidance.
Can you sweet people help me find my way to a healthy phsysique? I'm a 19 year old girl and I know that if I don't fix myself right now I will have to pay for it later. For all of you who actually read this ramble: You deserve a trophy!
I need your help. But for that I guess you need to know where I'm coming from. Here's my boring diet-past.
2 years ago I started dieting for the sake of boosting my then 17 year old self image. I wasn't quite overweight, but pretty chubby. So I started cutting down portion sizes and ruled out flour, starch, fat and sugar completely from my diet and started working out like a mad woman, in the end 2 hours a day 6 days a week. It worked: I went from 160 pounds to 118.
The downside was that I was so happy with my new skinny self, I was getting obsessed and my parents and friends were getting worried. I assured them nothing was wrong until I had a breakdown 1 and half a year ago. I had gone to the gym as usual, feeling a bit sluggish, but pushed on to do those idiotic routines. Result, I nearly passed out. The weeks after that I had no energy, felt sick, but refused to increase my food intake. My parents concluded I was anorexic and pointed at all the bones sticking out from my frame. My hipbones could cut glass. When even my boyfriend started to complain I was convinced to increase my food intake.
I can tell you that when you go from a daily total of 500 cal to atleast 1500 you gain weight very quickly. Additionally I was restricted to work out 2hours a day and I was soon weighing 135 pounds. That's when the yoyoing started.
At 18 my weight changed more often than my dad changed the tv channel. I skipped meals at school to compensate for what I got at home,and got down to 130. Then one of my friends called my mom and told her what I was doing. (I'm grateful for that today.) She threatened to have my treated at a clinic and so I ate again. I went up to 140. The next 6 week holiday in San Fransisco with my "french fries & burgers" family was all it took to get to 155.
Then at 19 I went to London for an internship. At first it seemed the golden oppertunity to slim down. I signed up at a gym, started restricting cals again. But the preblem was that the hotel I worked at didn't have a proper kitchen and therefore I had to get food from outside.
I was put in a 2 by 2 room in the basement with bad ventilation and got ill and developed insomnia on top of that. I couldn't keep up with the working out routines and work at the hotel was very heavy. I had no breaks so occasionally, I wouldn't eat for 12 hours and then pig out at night when I was finally off. On my off days I would occasionally skip eating altogether, the idea of my bed more attractive than walking to the nearest restaurant. Sometimes I would sleep 22 hours straight, I was that tired. My metabolism got screwed up once again and when I decided to go back to eating 3 meals a day I gained again. Result: I'm now at 170. My childhood astma returned and I threatened to press charges to the hotel if they didn't change the way they were treating their employees. But the damage was already done.
So, there you have it: I slimmed down but after 2 years I'm heavier than when I started. I want to be healthy and toned, but I don't know where to start anymore. I'm afraid I screwed up my metabolism too much for a normal diet to work. I'm afraid that if I eat 5 portions a day I will get to a whopping 180. I don't want that. Exercise is practically none right now (just recovered from leg and rib injuries caused by falling down the stairs) but I'm picking up slowly again by taking the dog for walks and cycle instead of driving.
One good thing that finally got through my thick skull is that with my bodytype I'm better off aiming for Jessica Biel's muscular physique than the look of some skinny model. Therefore I'm convinced I won't turn anorexic again. But I need guidance.
Can you sweet people help me find my way to a healthy phsysique? I'm a 19 year old girl and I know that if I don't fix myself right now I will have to pay for it later. For all of you who actually read this ramble: You deserve a trophy!
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