HELP! My weight is preventing me from having a social life

[Titanic Explore]

I have allowed my weight to wreck my social life- My ideal weight is about 190- I'm currently 275, and have not been under 200 pounds in 10 years...

I have not allowed myself to pursue romance, or be in situations where i might meet other singles UNTIL I'm 'Fabio Fit"- i'm so disgusted by my body, I refuse to beleive anyone else could be attracted to me, so i've given up on dating. As you might notice, my self esteem went down as my weight went up..


HOW do I see past my weight and allow myself to have romantic life? Should i wait to date until I lose 20 pounds, or 50? I could use advice, thanks!
I was thinking not until I get down to 190 (from my current 275), but it is SO difficult..

I'm 40 years old, and the pounds don't come off as easily as they did when i was 25....

 

[Omega]

IMHO you have two things that you need to be addressing here 1/ your courage and confidence 2/ your weight.

1/ People with a BMI outside the normal range are allowed to have a social and romantic life. There is an obesity epidemic going on and the world is full of cuddly people. It would be sad if everyone with a BMI outside the normal range withdrew from society and had no social / romantic life. Many people never fully address their problems - and would be single forever.

Ask yourself whether you would be interested in a woman no slimmer than yourself if she were attractive, considerate, kind, funny, charming. The chances are that you would say that you most certainly would find her very attractive. Allow therefore that a woman may feel the same about you. You just have to find the right one - and whatever our shape and size we face that problem.

My own BMI is now in the normal range - but that does not mean that I am planning on trading in my wonderful husband (who is loving, kind, intelligent and charming). On his last weighing - his BMI was over 57. Many women would wish that they could tick so many good boxes on a husband after being with someone for over 24 years.

2/ As far as your weight goes - you have come to the right place. There is a lot of good information here - I wish that I had known much of it twenty years ago. It takes hard work - but the rewards are there for the taking. You can literally make your weight loss dreams come true by working hard. Read the sections on exercise and nutrition paying particular attention to the sticky threads. Make sure that you become generally more active. I wear a pedometer all day every day and swear by it - it challenges you to add extra movement into your day to day life which does help you to lose weight.

Log your food and activity in and you will see your calorie balance.

Start a diary and visit diaries and leave messages. Join clubs and challenges. These are great way of making friends which forms your support network which helps to see you through the tough times that we all encounter from time to time.

Believe that weight loss is perfectly possible for the over 40s. I started my project at age 47 and got there pretty quickly all things considered. I lost the first 147 pounds in 14 months and the remaining 21 pounds in 13 months where I was practicing for maintenance and getting used to being a totally different size... I know that my pals Reluctantcabbie and Cord the seeker are both in your age range and doing brilliantly. You may want to check out their diaries etc.

Cord is running an exercise based challenge. You may want to join in that.

Good luck.

 

[Izzuu]

YOU are comprimising your social life. I know plently of people who date and attend social functions who are in my opinion quite large. I think your problem is confidence. You just need to gain that, and if that be through weight loss, more power to you. I'm sorry if that seems like an attack-that's not at all how it's intended. Confidence is more sexy than a toned body, is what I'm trying to say. Also, good luck.

 

[KaraCooks]

I have to agree with Omega in all her points.

Your weight is not what is preventing your social life - YOU are.

I weighed 250 lbs and had an active social (and sex) life, got married, dated, all of those things. Sure there were things that I didn't do because of my weight and I'm glad to be able to do those things now, but overall I didn't let being heavy keep me from having a real life.

I know that's easy to say and harder to do, but you have to figure out how to realize that your value as a person is not tied to how much you weigh.