first.. sorry if this is off topic on off topic, i didn't know where to post.
I think i'm a bit afraid to start. and frankly i don't know where. i've been fat all my life, as far as i can remember. as an infant i was eating more according to the doctors because i was born prematurely. but later i always knew something happened that turned my eating into and addiction. i think of it that way, since my feelings towards food and the way the cravings work is not that much different than for example heroin addicts have, even if their crisis is more painful phisically.
now i'm 28. i'm communicative, i have job that i love, friends that are there for me whenever i need them. i never had problems with bullying, on the contrary, even if i was fat, i never had problems making friends or having a boyfriend. but on the inside i was unhappy. less now. but only because i finally know the reason. i finally know why i am emotional eater, why i continuously end my diets, why i find ways of having just one more bite (it won't kill me).
there are two reasons. the first one is the fact that when i was around 3 or 4 my dad was working away from home. this is something that made me very angry. when he would come back after a month or two he would hit a bottle, which made me even angrier. soon when i would express my anger i was silenced and sent off to my room. and i would suddenly become hungry. and would start to eat. after a while this became a habit.
second reason is something that happened when i was 8 or 9. this was a good period for me and i did start losing some weight, i was always playing outside, dancing or singing, i even participated in some dance competitions. and then we went over the summer to visit my grandma in the country. there i remember that her stepson who was then 27 was showing me his privates and telling me how i am going to be so beautiful when i grow up and how men will want me. after some time i started developing, like any other girl, and this scared me because he said that this would be the beginning when men will start wanting me. i started gaining weight again. and i kept it ever since...
this is something that i remembered few months ago. my parents don't know and i don't want to tell them because they would probably face him with this. i haven't seen him since i was 14.
now is the first time i'm facing these issues. and i know i have to stop defending myself by eating and to stop eating emotionally (whether i'm angry, sad, happy or bored) i just don't know how. i need help
I think i'm a bit afraid to start. and frankly i don't know where. i've been fat all my life, as far as i can remember. as an infant i was eating more according to the doctors because i was born prematurely. but later i always knew something happened that turned my eating into and addiction. i think of it that way, since my feelings towards food and the way the cravings work is not that much different than for example heroin addicts have, even if their crisis is more painful phisically.
now i'm 28. i'm communicative, i have job that i love, friends that are there for me whenever i need them. i never had problems with bullying, on the contrary, even if i was fat, i never had problems making friends or having a boyfriend. but on the inside i was unhappy. less now. but only because i finally know the reason. i finally know why i am emotional eater, why i continuously end my diets, why i find ways of having just one more bite (it won't kill me).
there are two reasons. the first one is the fact that when i was around 3 or 4 my dad was working away from home. this is something that made me very angry. when he would come back after a month or two he would hit a bottle, which made me even angrier. soon when i would express my anger i was silenced and sent off to my room. and i would suddenly become hungry. and would start to eat. after a while this became a habit.
second reason is something that happened when i was 8 or 9. this was a good period for me and i did start losing some weight, i was always playing outside, dancing or singing, i even participated in some dance competitions. and then we went over the summer to visit my grandma in the country. there i remember that her stepson who was then 27 was showing me his privates and telling me how i am going to be so beautiful when i grow up and how men will want me. after some time i started developing, like any other girl, and this scared me because he said that this would be the beginning when men will start wanting me. i started gaining weight again. and i kept it ever since...
this is something that i remembered few months ago. my parents don't know and i don't want to tell them because they would probably face him with this. i haven't seen him since i was 14.
now is the first time i'm facing these issues. and i know i have to stop defending myself by eating and to stop eating emotionally (whether i'm angry, sad, happy or bored) i just don't know how. i need help
