he doesnt understand!

D

DAYNA1

New member
Can anyone relate to, or explain this to me!?! arrgghh... MEN sometimes!

my boyfriend doesnt understand that i just love food so much. he says that i am always eating or always complaining that i am hungry. I dont think this is the case at all.. which you will see if you visit Dayna's Diary in the diary thread section. hhmmm but he seems to think so.

i think ive come to realise that he thinks this way, as he has a very small appetite, and does not have a sweet tooth. i have told him this, but he jsut cant see things from my point of view.

If i do snack, it is usually something healthy like grapes or other fruit.. so i dont see what is bad about that. If i reach for fruit after dinner to try to satisfy my sugar cravings, he will critisise me. It got to the point where i was making a cup of tea, and he called me a pig. Of course i got really upset, as food and weight is a sensitive issue for me (although i am ony 58 kgs at the moment.. goal is 53kgs). This comment actually made me cry, to which he apologised and said from now on he will be supportive of my dieting efforts, rather than critisising.

Oh, just another thing.... he does not understand how much i crave chocolate at "that time of the month"! I mean i will go to great lengths to get my hands on it! I honestly feel like i will starve if i dont get that chocolate hit at that time ! He says its all in my head.

HOW CAN I MAKE HIM REALISE THAT ALL THIS IS NOT IN MY HEAD AND I DO LOVE FOOD AND I DO HAVE A SWEET TOOTH??
 
Not to male bash here but I don't think any male would ever understand the TOM cravings... or even the mood swings that accompany it... There are some women who use PMS to explain away bad behavior and the need to hoover an entire contair of godiva chocolate ice cream, but the horomonal fluctuations are very real and everyone reacts differently to them.

For him to call you a pig... I'd have to beat him senseless.. that's inexcusable... I don't care if you weigh 500 lbs or 110 lbs - it's damaging to a person's self esteem, especially a person who's supposed to care about you.

Now, looking at your weight, how tall are you. because you really don't seem to weigh that much, and I wonder if some of your sensitivity is more perception of what you think you look like rather than reality... if it makes you feel better to drop a few pounds, AS LONG AS YOU ARE BEING HEALTHY, then you're doing it for you and your self esteem.... just be careful please..

I'm glad that he apologized to you and that he says he'll be supportive.. it's good that you could talk to him about it... but it sucks that you cried... :(
 
I hardly know what to say that wouldn't sound really witchy at the moment.

I'll start by saying I'm glad you said this was a boyfriend and not a husband.

As far as I'm concerned, no one should talk to you this way. If my husband had while we were dating, I would have thought long and hard about whether or not I truly wanted this person in my life.

Not all men are like that - they might not understand the cravings that go along with TOM, but they under no circumstances have the right to criticize or call you a pig.

I'm utterly dumbfounded and he needs to either mature, or get a massive pounding from the whoop a** brigade.

You don't deserve that treatment - from anyone.
 
You weight 127 pounds and he called you a pig---oh boy would he be out the door. Of course I'd have beaten the crap out of him first....

127...you are a skinny minny. :)
 
do u obsess about dieting and needing to lose weight to him all the time?.. he might be trying to help by telling you not to go for snacks and stuff, but he sounds really rude and nobody should say that stuff to you esp. your boyfriend!!

or just maybe he critizes you on purpose cuz he doesnt want you to lose weight and he knows it bothers you and sets you up for failure..

whatever the case its good he apoligized but if he continues with it you definatly need to do something about it, nobody deserves to be treated like that!
 
Male bashing huh..lol. Linda and I have been married for 11 years. She was a size 4 when I met her. She is now up to a 14 and I could really care less. This is both our second marriage but I don't really care how big she gets. We are both happy with each other and have fun doing stuff together. I feel I am very lucky to have met her and god must have been looking my way to send her to me. So if your man or woman really loves and cares for you the weight thing shouldn't even be a factor. Yea she fuss's about being over weight, but I tell her I didn't marry her for her weight anyway. We are both happy with one another and I could really care less what anybody else thinks. Her mother kept cutting her down and teasing her and it really pissed me off becuase she is hugh her self...so who does she think she is to pass judgement on my wife. I stop going over there for two years and finally she asked me why...yea I let into her and I said wasn't brought up that way for mother or a fathers to cut down there kids that way...that was the last time she did it...Mike
 
thanks guys for all your kind emails about my first post.
First... im not going to go male bashing just yet!!! Although if he ever says anything like it again.......he better beware!!!

I have spoken to him about the "pig incident" since, and he apologises prefusely, and has also told me he feels like sh*it about it... He claims that he didnt realise that the comment would hurt me so much... which i guess is fair enough considering i have never talked to him about my issues with weight/obsessing over food.

Well now it is out in the open, then maybe he will start to really support me and not critisize... only time will tell! So i will keep you updated on it.

Maleficent, i am 163 cms tall (or roughly 5 foot 4"). Now i know you are going to tell me in am in the healthy weight range... but please keep in mind i started dieting when i was 65kgs (and told by my Doc i was in the BMI over- weight range).i am about halfway to my goal of 53kgs,... and at the moment have been stuck on a plateau of 58kgs for about 6 months.
Also in regards to your post.... dont worry, i am no Nicole Ritchie... nor am i ever going to be!! I really dont find that kind of skinny-ness attractive.. i just want to be healthy, and get rid of my chunky bits!!

Oh, and Mike.... where do we find a guy like you!!!??? Do i have to move all the way to america!!??!!?? lol
 
How old is your fellah? Sounds young and a little insecure.

My wife is very supporting of my weight loss because she has been through it before. She is my biggest fan! It hasn't always been that way however. On previous diets, she did all the right things, but I could tell she wasn't impressed by my efforts, and rightly so. I was "playing" at losing weight. I wasn't serious and so she didn't take me seriously.

One day I woke up, decided enough was enough and the first thing I did was to ask her for her help. I told her I needed to do this, I needed her help to do this if I wanted to succeed. She could tell that I was serious about the issue, that I was going to do this and she supported me 100%

I see you have already talked to your BF about this, but have you asked him for his help? Explain how important this is to you, how you need his support and help to do this and I am willing to bet that, if you does love you, it will make a difference in how he approaches the issue.

Dieting is, when you come right down to it, a very personal issue, but that doesn't mean that you cannot share this with others. He may feel a bit left out or insecure because you are trying to change yourself. He may be unsure WHY you want to change and what that means in other parts of your life. Are you trying to lose more weight to be more attractive to other guys? Are you trying to lose weight as a way of avoiding other issues? If you can make him understand that this is a self-image issue, a personal goal, enlist his help and even provide him with a goal he understands (like fitting into something slinky for him) then he may be more receptive to your needs.

Just a few thoughts from an old married man.
 
re: message from preacher

thanks preacher!
Your post was food for thought.. so to speak!

My bf is 23, and i am 25.
We talked again today, and he reveiled to me that he doesnt know how to support this kind of thing, and also asked me what he can do to support my efforts. It was a good start, and a positive thing for me to hear from him.

I feel i want to lose weight for various reasons.

*To feel better about myself.. yes in an image concsious way
*not particuarly to look good for other guys... but more because i want him to be proud of having me by his side.. im sure he does already, and this is probably a self esteme thing i have about myself
and most of all, because i feel uncomfortable at the moment... pyshically carrying around those extra kilos really sucks!
I dont want to get to the stage where it becomes too hard to get rid of the extra weight, i want to nip it in the butt while i can!
 
Wow Dayna
I am likle m2m i dont know what to say with our sounding rude
but he should except you for who you are and not degrate you he should stand by you and be there for support not negitivity
like m2m glad you said boyfriend not husband but eitherway if he loves you he wouldnt be doing you this way
good luck on this journey
but main think keep a positive attitude
charlotte
 
sorry Dayna didnt see the last post
glad he going to try and support you
that will be very important to you yes it is best to nip it in the butt while you can when you get like me it is very hard but i try to take iot one day at a time
it took me a while to get this way and i know it will take a while to get it down
if i only lose one pound a week i will be happy but would like more (lol) but
a journay starts with a singele step
 
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