Have I got an eating disorder?! Please help me work out what's going on..

F

fetterless

New member
I've been struggling quite a lot for the last few years with what seems to be a measly amount of weight. I put on about 10-14lbs over a few months of depression, and they never went away. I started consciously losing weight about a year and a half ago and the first 7lbs were fairly easy, I lost them at a steady rate of 1-2 per week. Then for some reason it became really, really hard and I found myself unable to control my eating any more. I would be having a good week, and then suddenly I would binge and all the work would be undone. Time after time I lost a lb or so, then put on 2 or 3, then lost them, then put them back on...

Basically, it's been pretty difficult. I can't understand why this is. Also, it seems like the more I try, the worse I backtrack. At this rate, I may even end up past where I started. I had a really good week last week, but I've already more than undone all of that by having a 3000 cal plus binge today. I then felt so horrible that I tried to throw up. I didn't manage much though. Now I feel terrible about both the binge and the throwing up. I feel like I'm staring an eating disorder in the face and have no idea what to do to stop it developing further.
 
fetterless said:
I've been struggling quite a lot for the last few years with what seems to be a measly amount of weight. I put on about 10-14lbs over a few months of depression, and they never went away. I started consciously losing weight about a year and a half ago and the first 7lbs were fairly easy, I lost them at a steady rate of 1-2 per week. Then for some reason it became really, really hard and I found myself unable to control my eating any more. I would be having a good week, and then suddenly I would binge and all the work would be undone. Time after time I lost a lb or so, then put on 2 or 3, then lost them, then put them back on...

Basically, it's been pretty difficult. I can't understand why this is. Also, it seems like the more I try, the worse I backtrack. At this rate, I may even end up past where I started. I had a really good week last week, but I've already more than undone all of that by having a 3000 cal plus binge today. I then felt so horrible that I tried to throw up. I didn't manage much though. Now I feel terrible about both the binge and the throwing up. I feel like I'm staring an eating disorder in the face and have no idea what to do to stop it developing further.
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I can probably help you understand what's going on to some extent but i need more information.

What is your current height and weight?
What do you eat when you are managing to control your eating.
Do you know how many calories this is?
Are you afraid of becoming addicted to purging but haven't done this in the past?

Before i go into a big spiel about everything, i need to that further information but for now, i can say something about the purging and binging and what might help there.

Firstly to understand how bad purging is for you. It will rot your teeth. When you vomit you bring up a lot of acids. This causes cavities and also is bad for your oesophagus. A habit of purging can lead to cancer of the oesophagus because you are constantly irritating the lining of the oesophagus. When tissues are constantly irritated this is a prime location for cancer to start. So just quit this behaviour before you make it a habit you rely on.

About the binging. Its true we all feel so full and uncomfortable when we binge. But you just have to wait for the food to go down and move on. Don't let the thought of all those calories make you take drastic action like purging. Its simply too dangerous. People feel so guilty about the purging and its becomes a very vicious circle. You end up very depressed and you just can't get back to emotional stability.

The best way to handle a binge in my opinion, is to forgive yourself for it and get back on the good eating wagon as soon as you can.

One thing that leads to binging can be not eating enough. But if you breakout for whatever reason, give yourself a break emotionally and just determine on eating well after that instead of inflicting more pain.

I also think its a good idea to talk about this with a doctor or you don't find them very sympathetic, a counsellor.
 
Hey,
Height is 5' 3", weight 122lbs. I think I only want to lose about 7lbs, I'm not really sure how much, all I know is that my old clothes are now much too small and I can see I've got a lot of fat on my stomach and under my chin. If I could wear my old jeans again, I'd be happy. I was never skinny even then, I was a little above average (and happy to be neither thin nor overweight) - people would always say "Really??" when I told them how much I weighed. I think I must have a light frame or something, because I look like I am around 20lbs heavier than I am.

When I'm not binging I aim for between 1300 and 1700 calories per day. Usually end up at the higher end.

I can't see me getting addicted to purging, I still haven't had any success with it, I'm more concerned about not being able to control the binges, and feeling like I want to even try and be sick.

I suppose I could try and find a counsellor... eek.

Thanks for your help, I am more determined than ever to avoid purging at all costs. I gotta kick the binging though, somehow!
 
Ok, thanks for all that. You are only 7 pounds above your lowest healthy weight.

If you don't like your shape, that's unfortunate because just losing weight won't really cure it. YOu will never be happy unless you can try to accept it. It sounds like your chin is just part of your appearance. If you really can't get used to it, you can always save up for cosmetic surgery.

I think given you weight, you should work on your fitness to build muscle and reduce fat over all. I think this will make you feel better about your body.

Also as a young person, you are probably just over self-conscious about your flaws. I was like that for most of my earlier years. It takes maturity and time to learn to accept our flaws and realise that they are not who we are. Dress for you best features. Hair cut also.

Good dresssing makes up for a lot of our flaws. Its really just about making the most of what we've got and learning to accept what we can't change.

What causes the binging? Is it an emotional event? A disappointment? Boredom? Binging is hard to quit. It takes self control and a stable emotional life. I think exercise and a good healthy diet will help you though. If you are not eating enough this can lead to binging.

EAt your three meals and try not to snack between or after dinner. Except on fruit.

Is there any chance that you are depressed?
 
It's possible what you need to do is not lose weight but rather improve your body composition- muscle is denser than fat, so if you tone up a bit (develop some muscle/ lose some body fat- don't worry, girls can't seriously bulk up without steroids) you might actually weigh more but be thinner. I can't provide any specific advice on how to go about it, I would seriously consider talking to a trainer and/ or a doctor (particularly given your worry about an eating disorder). Probably at this stage exercise rather than diet should be your main concern (and if you want to diet I suspect you'd want to eat closer to maintenance rather than calorie deficit)
 
Thanks, that does sound like good advice... I don't actually weigh myself very often, I more go by measurements and how I fit into clothes. I do a lot of exercise already. I run and walk and cycle and strength train. I suppose I just need to eat a larger amount of healthy food in order not to binge on the bad stuff. I don't mind my shape, it's more just that I am carrying a lot of fat which slows me down running, makes finding clothes that fit hard, etc.
I was depressed before for a year or two. I feel like I'm not any more but I do still have problems with social anxiety etc. No worse than a lot of other people though. At least I don't think so, except now that you're all mentioning going to a doctor, I'm panicking inside because of the thought of talking to a stranger. I've never been to a doctor or anything because I'm very scared of unfamiliar people. I suppose I have the internet to thank for that, and also to thank for the fact I haven't died from total isolation...! Oh dear, I'm sounding more of a mess than I thought I was! Sorry to come here and spew all this all over the forums, and huge thank yous for all your input, I will think this over very carefully...
My final concern would be that if I stopped calorie counting, I would eat far too much because I can't seem to control it easily.
 
Fetterless, (for the lack of a better name), I think you need a bit more professional support. I have depression and i spend a lot of time talking to people with all sorts of emotional problems on a depression forum in a chatroom. I understand how you may feel somewhat. A lot of people on the forum have either social anxiety or agoraphobia. However, there is nothing to fear from talking to a doctor or a counsellor. I have had so much help from them. And when i have had the odd GP who hasn't been so helpful, well i don't go back to them. I find someone else. Sometimes it takes a few goes to find someone you feel really good with but they are trained to help people like you and me. They have probably heard a lot worse than whatever you may tell them. You need not feel ashamed or embarassed though i know saying that doesn't really alleviate the feelings too much. What you need is a bit of courage.

I think you may be overly concerned with your body given that you've been counting calories for such a long time and exercise so much and still worry about your figure. I am sure your figure is not as terrible as you seem to think it is. I am fairly sure it all causes you a lot of worry. It seems your body may be the focus of your worries. But that's all i know about you so i could be wrong there.

I really hope you will go and find some support for yourself from a trained person. See if you can find an eating disorder clinic or specialist. Phone around your local hospitals. If you go see your gp ask them to refer you to someone who specialises in eating disorders. You may not want to tell your gp everything but sometimes they are reluctant to refer you unless you give them enough information. They do this especially with younger people. So you have to steal yourself and tell them what they need to know. I think you might have a borderline eating disorder so that's why its important to get help before it can progress. I think you also may have body dysmorphic disorder and i think a psychologist who deals with this should be able to help you.

I worked in an eating disorder clinic as a receptionist for one year. So i learnt a few things then. If you want to pm me feel free. That is if you are able to use the pm function yet. I think you have make 10 posts before using pm.
 
Thank you... you clearly know what you're talking about and I agree I wouldn't want to let it progress any further. I wasn't sure whether I would be taken seriously, as I am clearly not at a dangerous weight and I am active and healthy in lots of ways. But if you really think that they might listen, I will try and find a doctor or clinic.
 
A good doctor/ counsellor will talk you through your concerns and try to take you seriously unless you're severely overreacting (it doesn't sound like you are, and better safe than sorry). I reckon most doctors would rather deal with a problem that's just emerging rather than one that's reached crisis point. And remember that a lot of, if not most, doctors and counsellors got into this profession because they want to help people, so there's little if anything to be scared of (and as fortyfour says, if you don't get on with a doctor, find another one). I think medical advice is really important for you because your health could potentially be at stake if you are at risk for an eating disorder (and what's more important than your health?). I recognise it's hard due to the social anxiety- I have degrees of that at times as well- but just remember how important this is. (An analogous although not identical situation- I'm absolutely terrified of needles, but I have a medical condition that I need blood tests for fairly regularly. I hate it, but I get the tests, because the alternative is that I potentially get very sick or even die- dying's unlikely, but it's a remote possibility- because they can't tell that my medication's wrong. I'd rather have that couple of hours of crippling fear once every six weeks or so than jeapordise my health like that)

This is something that, in your situation about, I'd talk to a doctor or (ideally) a dietician about, but do you have a structure to your meal plans and an idea about how they fit in with your weight/ shape/ fitness goals? I calorie count and record everything I do quite strictly. I don't have a plan per se, but I have a goal and I eat foods that are healthy and I know will help me get there (low calorie, filling/ yummy). I find having this goal and an awareness of how many calories are in things means I'm less likely to eat in an uncontrolled or binging manner (for example, I made a batch of some of my favourite biscuits yesterday, and didn't have any because I was horrified by how many calories were in them). As I say, though, given your concerns, perhaps this isn't a thing you should do on your own, but with professional advice/ supervision.

Hope this helps.
 
fetterless said:
Hey,
Height is 5' 3", weight 122lbs. I think I only want to lose about 7lbs, I'm not really sure how much, all I know is that my old clothes are now much too small and I can see I've got a lot of fat on my stomach and under my chin. If I could wear my old jeans again, I'd be happy. I was never skinny even then, I was a little above average (and happy to be neither thin nor overweight) - people would always say "Really??" when I told them how much I weighed. I think I must have a light frame or something, because I look like I am around 20lbs heavier than I am.

When I'm not binging I aim for between 1300 and 1700 calories per day. Usually end up at the higher end.

I can't see me getting addicted to purging, I still haven't had any success with it, I'm more concerned about not being able to control the binges, and feeling like I want to even try and be sick.

I suppose I could try and find a counsellor... eek.

Thanks for your help, I am more determined than ever to avoid purging at all costs. I gotta kick the binging though, somehow!
Click to expand...

How old are you?
 
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