Good eats... at least, they once were.

:) Thanks! I'm quite proud of myself too. :D
The guy's here doing the floor with that really loud saw, so I had to wake up at 7 AM. :toetap05: I'm ridiculously tired and I already had breakfast (1/4 personal pan cheese pizza from last night, and 1 breadstick.) but it doesn't feel like I ate anything because it's so early. I have to watch myself today for boredom eating... but I know I'll do alright.

It will help that they're all busy tearing up the subfloor in the kitchen so I can't just run in and grab something without falling through the floor... haha, there's a good deterrent.

Well, I'll probably end up playing Mah Jong or Solitaire on the computer all day.
:banghead:
Blah...

<3
Annie
 
Hmmm... Maybe I should have someone tear up my floor so I can't go in there!!! LOL! Just kidding... I hope your boredom hasn't been too bad and I hope ya didn't do anything too naughty today, but I know how it is when you're tired and bored... food just looks so great.. Damit!!! Anyways, I'm sure you're totally :coolgleamA: and I'll be checking in on ya to see how it went... By the way, thanks for stopping by my place and leaving all those encouraging words :) I really really needed that!!! Sometimes other people recognize how good we're doing more than we do and if feels dam good to hear it from someone else!!! well until next time... :seeya:
Natasha
 
txsqlchick said:
True.

But Steve seems to know all sorts of good stuff; there's a big difference between how different sites calculate calories burned, it's weird! Hard to get a straight answer.
Click to expand...
Some sites/machines use your basal metabolic rate plus the calorie burn provided by the exercise to give you the calories burned...others just use the calories burned over your usual metabolic burn.

Big difference...
 
Well... damnnnnnn... I ate and ate and ate ALL FREAKING DAY. 2800 cal... and that's the low estimate. God I feel so ridiculous.
:(
Why can't I just control my eating?
:willy_nilly:
 
We all have our good and bad days girlie... You're doing fine... Just pick yourself up and try again. Look at all the progress you've made this far... Don't beat yourself up over a bad day... just look it as you have room for improvement and tomorrow is going to be a great day! I'm still so proud of you and all that you have accomplished... you hang in there okay.... :hug2:
:seeya: Natasha
 
nmartinez0531 said:
We all have our good and bad days girlie... You're doing fine... Just pick yourself up and try again. Look at all the progress you've made this far... Don't beat yourself up over a bad day... just look it as you have room for improvement and tomorrow is going to be a great day! I'm still so proud of you and all that you have accomplished... you hang in there okay.... :hug2:
:seeya: Natasha
Click to expand...
:) Thanks. I'm hanging in there. Yesterday was a good day!
:D
Has anyone seen the movie Up? Friggin awesome. I love Dug (doggy)! It was so cool!! And very sweet (as in sentimental). :)

<3
Annie
 
Hey Annie, glad to see you're doing good!!! I was worried about ya! No I haven't seen that movie yet, my son has been wanting to go see it, but I haven't had a chance yet... I joined this new site, it has tons of information and a food tracker, excercise tracker, pretty much everything you could think of all in one frkin site... its sparkpeople... if you check it out.. do look me up... comamasprincess... I'll still be coming in here and posting and checking on you all my lovely friends...:seeya: Natasha
 
Soooo... Once again, I haven't been as good as I'd planned. In fact, I've been bad. I ate out 3 times today... had 3 granola bars, shitloads of caffeine (I've been trying to stay away from it so I can sleep at night and not all day)... Here's what I had today:
3 pancakes with 2 things of butter and 1 container of syrup
2 medium diet cokes (not caffeine free)
9" Cheese sub (basically lots of cheese on a white sub roll) and a small bag of Lays Chips (150 cal)
2 medium diet cokes (not caffeine free)
Nutrigrain Cereal Bar (Strawberry)
Cinnabon bar (like a little strudel type thing... they sell boxes of them right next to the Nutrigrain Bars)
A couple bites of Krab salad (basically mayo, a little celery, and fake crab meat)
A few bites of Lean Cuisine Mac & Cheese
Personal Pan Cheese Pizza and 1 breadstick
2 LARGE diet cokes (not caffeine free)
South Beach diet FiberFit S'mores Granola Bar
2 packs of candy cigarettes
Some Diet Sunkist (not caffeine free... and I'm STILL drinking it...)

So yeah... it was pretty bad today. :banghead:
Ironically, I'm also studying some books on eating disorders so I can become an Eating Disorder Therapist.:svengo:

Anyhow, I'm sorry I haven't been updating as regularly as I used to... The internet depresses me. I get on facebook and no one talks to me, I get on youtube and all there are are "thinspo" videos, I check my email and all I have is spam... :(

Well... I guess I'm just a little depressed. My friends graduated high school this week, and I had to miss one friend's graduation to go to another's... and I couldn't even call her to apologize because she must have gotten a new number without telling me (this is another slight because I wasn't even invited to her 18th birthday. So I don't know if she even wants to be my friend anymore because she's certainly not acting like she does. I've asked to spend time with her, but it never seems to happen. :(). My real friend graduated and is moving to the dorms at William & Mary... and then I'll have no friends here. :(

I can't gather the willpower to get on the treadmill... I can't stop eating... God. I only get sad if I talk about it. I need therapy.

:(
Annie
 
Snap out of it girlie... You'll be alright... Just need to get a little pep in your step... we all go through bad things sometimes... I hope all gets better with you and you refocus... Just take things one day at a time and remember that we're here for you if you need us okay :) Lots of hugs to you...
:seeya:
Natasha
 
Lilyofthevalley said:
Soooo... Once again, I haven't been as good as I'd planned. In fact, I've been bad. I ate out 3 times today... had 3 granola bars, shitloads of caffeine (I've been trying to stay away from it so I can sleep at night and not all day)... Here's what I had today:
3 pancakes with 2 things of butter and 1 container of syrup
2 medium diet cokes (not caffeine free)
9" Cheese sub (basically lots of cheese on a white sub roll) and a small bag of Lays Chips (150 cal)
2 medium diet cokes (not caffeine free)
Nutrigrain Cereal Bar (Strawberry)
Cinnabon bar (like a little strudel type thing... they sell boxes of them right next to the Nutrigrain Bars)
A couple bites of Krab salad (basically mayo, a little celery, and fake crab meat)
A few bites of Lean Cuisine Mac & Cheese
Personal Pan Cheese Pizza and 1 breadstick
2 LARGE diet cokes (not caffeine free)
South Beach diet FiberFit S'mores Granola Bar
2 packs of candy cigarettes
Some Diet Sunkist (not caffeine free... and I'm STILL drinking it...)

So yeah... it was pretty bad today. :banghead:
Ironically, I'm also studying some books on eating disorders so I can become an Eating Disorder Therapist.:svengo:

Anyhow, I'm sorry I haven't been updating as regularly as I used to... The internet depresses me. I get on facebook and no one talks to me, I get on youtube and all there are are "thinspo" videos, I check my email and all I have is spam... :(

Well... I guess I'm just a little depressed. My friends graduated high school this week, and I had to miss one friend's graduation to go to another's... and I couldn't even call her to apologize because she must have gotten a new number without telling me (this is another slight because I wasn't even invited to her 18th birthday. So I don't know if she even wants to be my friend anymore because she's certainly not acting like she does. I've asked to spend time with her, but it never seems to happen. :(). My real friend graduated and is moving to the dorms at William & Mary... and then I'll have no friends here. :(

I can't gather the willpower to get on the treadmill... I can't stop eating... God. I only get sad if I talk about it. I need therapy.

:(
Annie
Click to expand...


Hey Sweets, I can completely relate to you, I know that doesnt make you feel much better but I Have been going through some tough Sh*t and I dont know how I make it through some days. But look at how far you've already come, youve lost more than 40lbs, and your still being concious about what your eating--which i always a good sign! As for your one friend, if she doesnt appreciate your friendship for what it is, itsnot worth it, trust me.I would rather have 1 good friend than a lot of people who just claim to be my friend when tis convienent. My food hasnt been fantastic either, we all go through loop-holes dont lose hope hun. :)
 
Hey Annie!!!

I've been eating non stop and all the wrong things too... and I feel terrible and feel like just giving up, but WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO!!!

I have run again this week for the first time in a month... I'm just going to try do it 3 times a week, it always makes me feel better.

Just love yourself, and never give up on yourself. :grouphug:
 
I've fallen off the wagon so hard.... I'm in Illinois visiting my grandmom with my parents, and there's so much ice cream, cookies, candy, just so much shit. I don't know how to convince myself that tomorrow will be different, I've fallen asleep telling myself that things will get better, tomorrow I won't have those two scoops of ice cream or those cookies or that ridiculous mound of potato chips... and every day end the day feeling like I failed. I feel like an idiot- I mean, I did it once, why the hell can't I do it again?

I think there might be a little psychology behind my weight gain of 10 pounds. I feel like I'm undoing what was going so well. Maybe I'm scared to be a grownup. I don't WANT to leave the nest. I'm terrified of someone actually finding me attractive, because I've never felt proud of my body before. I think what lies behind my deep shame and fear of intimacy and feeling sexy is that when I was 13 or so I was sort of sexually molested on the internet by some guy, who told me what I wanted to hear, that I was wanted, that I was attractive, and in turn made me say what he wanted to hear. The "relationship" lasted about 6 or 7 months, over which time I called him and we had phone sex (keep in mind, I was 13.). I feel so ashamed because I feel like I should have known better, like I'm an idiot for ever feeling unwanted and it's my fault because I should have stopped him. I've never told anyone that, because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed.

I sit here in my grandmom's spare bedroom, 10 pounds heavier, with a huge weight on my shoulders. I don't understand why I feel like this. I know I need to let go of the past and move forward, but I don't know how. I've been too embarrassed to talk about this with my counselor, and I feel stupid because I know it would help. But this is the extent of what I can do right now, and I feel so ashamed of myself for ever letting this happen. Mentally, I know it's not my fault, but emotionally, I blame myself for the whole thing. I'm sorry for unloading on you guys, but I hope you can understand why, this thing has been eating away at me, bringing shame and anger over me whenever I feel like I'm starting something good.

Annie
 
Sooo... I'm pretty sure everyone's out doing their big 4th of july thing (except you from other countries... pretty sure our 4th of July doesn't coincide with foreign holidays?) Uh so I had a nice 4th of July up here in Illinois, 1.5 hamburgers, lotsa sugar-free jello, 2 brownies, a teensy bit of some really dense pound cake (I had to try it because my cousin Joe's friend made it and he asked me what I thought... it had nuts in it. BleK!) oh and I kinda went crazy with the tootsie rolls (10-15 of them) and I had 3 or 4 pieces of Dubble Bubble bubble gum... oh, and 1.5 bowls of cheddar and sour cream ruffled potato chips.

I have a headache. It could be the changing weather, the intense effort of keeping track of everything that was going on plus the added strain of keeping up an ongoing conversation and trying to hear what the other person said, the "fireworks" (you know bubble wrap? They have REALLY big bubble-d bubble wrap... those "packing pillows" that are plastic filled with air... imagine boxes and boxes of big and little bubble wrap... specifically the ones the size of your head... and then imagine 40 or 50 people jumping up and down, popping them. INSIDE THE HOUSE. It's not that big of a house.), or it could be something else I can't think of right now... but whatever it was, I need tylenol.

I think I did pretty well, but I was helped greatly by the cookies having nuts it them (can you tell I really don't like nuts? :smilielol5::smilielol5:) and the brownies being in a room where the people in the other room can see you hovering over the pan... I don't like feeling watched when I eat. I was sure they were thinking what a cow I am eating all the brownies. :(

Well... that's all.. :)
<3 Annie
 
Soooo... uhhhh.. WHERE THE F____ IS EVERYBODY?!!!! :(
:cuss: I want to talk but there's no one here to listen! :( I can't talk about stuff without feedback.
:( Where'd y'all go?
 
So I've been doing really bad. I've gained somewhere around 20 lbs, mostly because of binge eating.
For instance, today I've had:
-2 slices of white toast with margarine (I was being good for breakfast, but noticed the calories for the bread <80 cal/slice> and decided to have two slices instead of one and some fruit. I don't understand myself. )

I went to the eye doctor. I wasn't even hungry when I got to BK but I got a medium because I love their fries.

-8 pc Chicken tender meal from BK... with Medium fries and drink<Diet Coke>. (Medium is huge.)
-small vanilla milkshake (I got it because I thought it would stop me from eating the ice cream in the freezer... it didn't work)

Came home from BK, got dropped off by mom, so I was all alone in my house. HUGE trigger. AND it was raining, so I couldn't take a walk (not that I would have given up the chance to be alone with the fridge and freezer.... WHY DON'T I JUST STOP EFFING EATING?!!)

-3 scoops of vanilla ice cream
-a small bowl of Reddi-Whip (probably about a cup or a cup and a half)
-a bowl of wavy lay's potato chips
-a snack pack of sour cream and onion pringles

All within 45 minutes once I got home.

GAH!! :banghead:

I want my mom to call my psychiatrist so I can get back on my wellbutrin. This whole thing started when I went off it. :(

Phew. I need to write that down in my binder.
Well, ok... Bye.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:
 
I'm starting over, forgetting all the shitty habits, and reinventing myself. This WILL work, I DO have control, and I CAN do it. I admit, I have weaknesses, and, as a human, I need to acknowledge my limits. If I slip, it does NOT mean I can fuck up the rest of the day. I need to realize I have my faults, there are patterns of behavior so deeply ingrained that they need to be tackled with time and patience, and I will never NEVER again tell myself that I am not just as worthwhile as those around me. I will try to stop being so self conscious, because logically I know that not EVERY person is looking at me, but even if they were, why the hell do I care what they think?!

I want to get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and LIKE MYSELF. I want to know that there is meaning in every day, things to do, a reason that I woke up... OTHER THAN FOOD. I want to make ACTIVITY the focus of my life, NOT food. I do not want the first thought in my head when I wake up to be of food, but instead, what activities I will partake in, such as walking, walking the dogs, and reading.

I CAN DO THIS. I WILL NOT GET FRUSTRATED AND GIVE UP. I WILL MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY DAY AND START ENJOYING MY LIFE.

I will need support, and I am starting a new diary thread: Becoming Me Again.


:) <3 Annie
 
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