Exercise guilt?

Cord the Seeker

Cord the Seeker

New member
Does anyone else ever feel guilty about taking time away from your family to take care of your own needs and exercise?

Particularly on days when I am working, I feel terribly guilty about wanting to exercise during my non-working hours. It does take time that I would otherwise be spending with my family. There is always stuff that needs to be done, my wife needs a break from taking care of our daughter, our daughter needs my time and attention - these all tend to conflict with hitting the trail, the bike, the bag, whatever.
Being the kind of guy that puts the needs of his family above his own, I tend to let those needs divert me from getting my workouts. And when I do exercise, I feel guilty about putting my own needs before my family's. Then I feel resentful for being made to feel guilty (even though no one is making me feel guilty but me). Then I feel guilty about feeling resentful. It's a nasty cycle.

I know it is something I need to do, not just for me but for our family as well. Taking the time and effort now to get healthy will add years to the time I get to spend with my family. But I still feel like I am neglecting them when I take time to workout, and I get resentful (and then guilty) when I don't let myself take the time to work out.

Does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal with it?
 
Nope. Never.

I do everything, at all times, I deserve the time for myself. Besides, they should be quietly grateful that I work out, because that means I will stay around a few years longer. At my old weight, I'd probably have bitten the dust by the time I turned 40.

So no, not feeling guilty at all. Sometimes you have to be selfish, for your own sake.
 
Interesting topic, Cord.
Yes, I do feel guilty many days for taking time to work out. I try to spend 50-60 minutes on the treadmill almost every day. While working out, I tend to think about all the other things I should be doing, such as cleaning, laundry, family time, etc...so I definitely know where you are coming from.

But, I try to tell myself that this time is so important for my overall health and well being....and like san said...this just means I will be around longer to spend quality time with my family.
But, I admit...with working full time and all household chores...there are times I try to talk myself out of taking that ME time away...it's a constant mental battle of wills. And I do feel so much better mentally and physically after a workout!
 
Some of the best memories I have as a child are when my parents would take me to play tennis or swimming. We (the kids) started swimming really young and we were like fish in the water.

You have to put yourself first because like someone said, you'll live longer, and you'll live HEALTHIER. I want my father around forever -- and healthy.

(And he did lose about 60 lbs because he was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. I'm so happy he did.)
 
Are you able to incorporate your wife and daughter into your exercise routine at all (biking together, running with the little one in the stroller, etc.)? Personally I don't find this works terribly well, as it means my exercise has to be slowed down or reduced to accommodate them; but to keep up family times and their own health, it is good.

Currently I am doing a boot camp 3x per week for an hour in the evenings. I do feel awkward about this, but also like it is necessary. My youngest complains about me being gone, but my health demands it (physical and mental!).

Best wishes on freeing yourself, or at least finding a happy medium! :driving:
ABBA
 
I know exactly how you feel! I am a single mother, and I have a five year old son. I work usually about 50 hours a week. Needless to say, I have to have help from my parents picking up my son and such. But I have got yelled at numerous times from my family for not spending time with my son. Now mind you, I am working, and working out... I do tend to feel guilty about it. However, guilt and and not putting myself first is what has got me to be overweight in the first place. My bad eating habits have also rubbed off on my son, who has learned he can just eat whatever, whenever. It is very difficult having a family and trying to put yourself first, because it can seem selfish to some. But believe me, by becoming healthier you are giving yourself better health, adding years to your life that you can never get back if you are unhealthy. Also, I always am in a better, more energized mood if my body looks and feels good which is a plus of working out. So I know exactly how you feel. But just try to look at it like you are doing something for your family at the same time! I pretty much just try to focus on me. You focus on your family, like you say, most of the time. Now, it is time to focus on yourself for a change. I would speak to your family about making you feel guilty so you wont feel resentful. LIke someone else said, incorporate them in your workout, and let them know how important this is to you!
 
Oh, they don't make me feel guilty. Although they do make demands on my time.

I make me feel guilty.

But yes, guilt and devotion to others often just makes our own problems worse, and taking care of ourselves makes us better able to care for others.

Intellectually, it's obvious. Down in the gut, it's harder.

My wife sometimes gets annoyed that she is trying to do yardwork or whatever, and I am spending my energy working out - even though I still have energy to do yardwork afterwards. She has a much lower energy supply than I do, and it bugs her sometimes to see me working out energetically when gardening exhausts her.

My daughter is five years old, and like any child her age, it's all about her. When she wants attention, she wants attention. However, she has been surprisingly supportive and understanding. She understands that I am doing this to be healthier and live longer.
She has even started to "exercise" herself, playing on the equipment downstairs. She says she wants to be healthy and live a long time too.

I'm really glad she got that part of the message, rather than developing some obsession about weight. Clearly I am explaining things to her the right way.
 
When i started this journey onething i always said was exercise would never interfere with my kids. I have the luxury of being able to workout during my hour lunch break. I dont know how i would have done it without.

I dont workout on weekends because that is family time. If i do I'll be up at 5am and home by the time the kids get up. I also like to incorporate some light exercise when I'm with the kids. Playing chase, walking, biking and those sorts. Just something to keep me moving.

Also, sometimes think of it this way. A little time away now will hopefully allow you extra time because you will be around longer.

Matt
 
usedtobefatmatt said:
When i started this journey onething i always said was exercise would never interfere with my kids. I have the luxury of being able to workout during my hour lunch break. I dont know how i would have done it without.

I dont workout on weekends because that is family time. If i do I'll be up at 5am and home by the time the kids get up. I also like to incorporate some light exercise when I'm with the kids. Playing chase, walking, biking and those sorts. Just something to keep me moving.

Also, sometimes think of it this way. A little time away now will hopefully allow you extra time because you will be around longer.

Matt
Click to expand...

That is exactly how I do think about it.

Doesn't always make it easier to say "no, I have to go workout" when your wife is tired and your kid is cranky. :)
 
Yes, this has been a constant struggle for me.

My wife and I both work long days. When we get home we have very few hours (maybe 2-3) to spend with our girls. I tried going to the gym after they went to bed, but it's hard to stay motivated and leave the house at 9:30pm after a long day to go bust your ass in the gym.

I don't feel like it is fair to my wife to ask her to watch the kids while I go workout, when she had an equally long/hard day. Also, I love spending time with my girls and an hour workout really takes that time away... and they are too young to go with me or understand why I'm leaving.

My wife always supports me, and never complains about my workouts, but like Cord said: I make myself feel guilty. Then, if I don't workout I feel even more guilty.

Things will be easier for me during the summer as I will be able to go running before work (my wife will be home with the kids, she is a teacher). I couldn't do this before because we had to leave very early to get the kids to daycare and then get us to work.

I usually try to workout only 2-3 times during the week and put both of my rest days on workdays. Then I workout really hard on the weekends when I have more time. It's worked for me so far
 
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