i didnt mention that i do have a small frame, and while 143 may sound fine... im what you would call skinny fat.. i have major "love handles" and my stomach isnt flat.. my arms are also chunkier than they should be. I seen on Dr. Oz the other day that if you can pinch more than 1 1/2 inches on your under arm (male 1 inch) then you need to lose a few pounds... maybe that doesnt apply to everyone or maybe he was just speaking for general health. I've read on this forum that the number on the scale is the least important because as we all know muscle weighs more than fat... so i really just want to rid myself of the extra fat and gain muscle. I just want to be fit and healthy... and i know i can do it.
I used to be extremely fit but i've never eaten clean.. i used to eat so much but i didnt gain.. now after having my son who is now 18 months.. im the most out of shape i've ever been. I actually lost all of my pregnancy weight and kept it off while i breastfed.. i was down to 134 while breastfeeding... then i slowly began to gain. I ate horribly.. and have been yo-yo dieting for the past year. A few months ago i went on a 8 day water and green tea fast where i ate a merely 200 calories a day (maybe an apple and some tuna). I also exercised on this fast and i lost 11 pounds. I was so excited and felt so accomplished even though i was completely miserable..i couldnt think straight, i was grouchy.. i couldnt sleep..
Then on the 9th day i was making my son dinner and i lost it and ate an entire pan of mac and cheese, 4-6 doughnuts, and about 4 cups of milk. After this binge, i was mentally and emotionally destraut.. i felt like a failure and i just felt horrible.. although physically i was satisfied, my stomach no longer grumbled. Its amazing how much this kind of dieting affects you mentally and emotionally. The following 3 days after, i binged each day, i just couldnt stop eating.. i was so hungry..my body was making up for all the i had deprived it. I gained the weight back plus 3 pounds.
There are other deep issues for me wanting to lose weight and get really small, not just for my happiness, and i may discuss these issues on here eventually. My reasons for making this journal is to log my progress and to just vent i guess, when i need to that is. Also to discuss issues with people who may understand....
...i'll make up for it though. Im really proud of myself otherwise.. i had a ton a water and i did about an hour of cardio/weights.. So at the end of this day i took in a total of around 2000 calories most of it was clean food, but still too much.
