Hey there everybody. My name's Martin and i am grossly overweight. I'm a 20 year old guy from England and i've finally reached the point in my life where i've decided i want to make a change, for good.
However, before i begin my diary i'd like to tell you my story, the story of why i've gotten to be like i am...sort of a mini auto-biography i guess, feel free to not read it or ignore it if you will but i find that putting down how i feel here will help me on my path to becoming my ideal weight and hopefully it will help anybody else that's in my position aswell.
First of all i'd like to say i had a great childhood. My parents were and still are to this day amazing, supportive and helpful..they are in no way a factor in why i am as big as i am. My time through secondary school (high scool i guess for you americans) was great, i had great friends and great times...and i wasn't too overweight...a little chubby really but it never really concerned me.
Here is a picture of me back then
I know, the hair was a disaster (but this was 5 years ago, you can't blame me!) and this doesn't really show my body, but my point is i wasn't always like i am today i looked semi-decent back then and..i used to be...happy.
Now fast forward to when i was 18, finished with school and in my first job, i found my first girlfriend...for personal reason i'd like to keep her identity closed..let's call her kate. I loved Kate, she was everything to me and i was everything to her, we were the perfect young couple and for a year she was my everything. A year later came the time where she needed to move to go to university, we tried to keep the relationship going over long distance but we grew apart and she broke up with me. my world was shattered, for a year this girl was all i cared about and she left me.
And i think that was when i went downhill. I pretended i was okay and that i would get passed it but i never think i really ever did, and that is when i started putting on the weight. For two years i've dug myself into a hole, a hole of binge eating and no exercise...i had tried losing weight in the past but it never stuck..i'd lost a stone here...half a stone there..but i'd always stop and just keep adding on the pounds.
So here is where i stand today. I'm about 30 stone(not sure with that is in pounds). at 20 years of age i am 30 stone..i can't walk very far without getting out of breath, my back and legs hurting and wanting to sit down, i feel like i've gotten beyond the point where i can be helped i find even the simplest of tasks difficult. I've watched numerous "before and after" programmes and i've always just thought "i could never do it" but tonight i heard something that tweaked something inside of me...a spark of motivation i've never felt before
"shut up, it's nobody else's fault but your own...you can fix this, stop dwelling in the past and move forward" and i realised that i can fix this, i have complete control over my situation...nothing else does..i'm the one doing this to myself and i'm the one that can stop it.
It's 7:38AM here right now and after i've posted this i am getting up, and going out for a walk, not very far, not very fast...but it will be my first piece of voluntary exercise in....years. and i will walk once a day...every day..even if i can't be bothered i will force myself to do it..and i feel that this will be a great 'first step' to getting better...altering my diet can come in a couple of days but right now i need to get mobile and motivated to take this journey.
oh man, i want it so bad, i want to be normal again..i want to wear proper clothes, go and and do proper things with friends..meet new people and not be ashamed....finally turn around to the people i used to know and say "look at me, i'm normal and i'm enjoying my life. i'm just like you"
However, before i begin my diary i'd like to tell you my story, the story of why i've gotten to be like i am...sort of a mini auto-biography i guess, feel free to not read it or ignore it if you will but i find that putting down how i feel here will help me on my path to becoming my ideal weight and hopefully it will help anybody else that's in my position aswell.
First of all i'd like to say i had a great childhood. My parents were and still are to this day amazing, supportive and helpful..they are in no way a factor in why i am as big as i am. My time through secondary school (high scool i guess for you americans) was great, i had great friends and great times...and i wasn't too overweight...a little chubby really but it never really concerned me.
Here is a picture of me back then
I know, the hair was a disaster (but this was 5 years ago, you can't blame me!) and this doesn't really show my body, but my point is i wasn't always like i am today i looked semi-decent back then and..i used to be...happy.
Now fast forward to when i was 18, finished with school and in my first job, i found my first girlfriend...for personal reason i'd like to keep her identity closed..let's call her kate. I loved Kate, she was everything to me and i was everything to her, we were the perfect young couple and for a year she was my everything. A year later came the time where she needed to move to go to university, we tried to keep the relationship going over long distance but we grew apart and she broke up with me. my world was shattered, for a year this girl was all i cared about and she left me.
And i think that was when i went downhill. I pretended i was okay and that i would get passed it but i never think i really ever did, and that is when i started putting on the weight. For two years i've dug myself into a hole, a hole of binge eating and no exercise...i had tried losing weight in the past but it never stuck..i'd lost a stone here...half a stone there..but i'd always stop and just keep adding on the pounds.
So here is where i stand today. I'm about 30 stone(not sure with that is in pounds). at 20 years of age i am 30 stone..i can't walk very far without getting out of breath, my back and legs hurting and wanting to sit down, i feel like i've gotten beyond the point where i can be helped i find even the simplest of tasks difficult. I've watched numerous "before and after" programmes and i've always just thought "i could never do it" but tonight i heard something that tweaked something inside of me...a spark of motivation i've never felt before
"shut up, it's nobody else's fault but your own...you can fix this, stop dwelling in the past and move forward" and i realised that i can fix this, i have complete control over my situation...nothing else does..i'm the one doing this to myself and i'm the one that can stop it.
It's 7:38AM here right now and after i've posted this i am getting up, and going out for a walk, not very far, not very fast...but it will be my first piece of voluntary exercise in....years. and i will walk once a day...every day..even if i can't be bothered i will force myself to do it..and i feel that this will be a great 'first step' to getting better...altering my diet can come in a couple of days but right now i need to get mobile and motivated to take this journey.
oh man, i want it so bad, i want to be normal again..i want to wear proper clothes, go and and do proper things with friends..meet new people and not be ashamed....finally turn around to the people i used to know and say "look at me, i'm normal and i'm enjoying my life. i'm just like you"
