Ellie's weight loss diary

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stardust2k4

New member
So, I'm not sure if this is the right place for all this, but I thought I'd try out the diary feature.

I started gaining weight when I was 14. Every time I gained weight, I would justify it by saying things like "I will never let myself be more than 200 pounds" then as my weight slowly crept up, I said " I will never allow myself to be bigger than a size 20". All this justification led to me being a size 26, and weighing 330 pounds in 2009. That was the year I finally said "ENOUGH" and started working out at the gym in my apartment complex. I ended up losing about 30 pounds-which was a big deal for me. That summer, we got a new roommate. I didn't like him to begin with, but we needed one. I ended up letting the stress of him living there, and the stress of my sedentary job get to me. I then hit a plateau and some of the weight slowly crept back on. Last year, I got back up to 317. I worked off a little bit of it, but I began this year at 307 pounds. One thing I am grateful for is the fact that I got to quit my desk job as a phone jockey for a bank so I could go back to school and focus on me. Since the beginning of the year, I've managed to lose 26 pounds. I have managed to control myself around sweets and bad snacks. I've got a long way to go, but I know that each drop in the bucket will soon add up. I am down to 281 pounds-2 pounds away from being the lowest weight I've been in about 4 years or so. My goal is to be down to at least 200 by the end of the year.
My biggest hurdle has been the emotional aspect. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I do have to say though, since I've changed my eating habits, the depression isn't as prevalent.
 
Welcome to the forum! Eating better and exercise will definitely help improve your mood and help lift that depression :) Well done on your progress so far and good luck with the rest of your journey!
 
Another milestone and some other new stuff

I set a goal for myself this month. I am not going to step on the scale until April 1st. It's only been 6 days, but I've had to fight the temptation so many times already. On a good note, today I am officially down another pant-size. I haven't worn a size 20 in who knows how long. If that's not a measure of success, I don't know what is. I am very happy about it. I bought an exercise bike a couple of weeks ago from some guy on craigslist and I've definitely been putting that to use.
I may or may not have stated this before, but back when I started this whole weight loss journey, I knew deep down that I would have to face some demons in order to completely heal. I finally called a counselor and am going to have my first appointment on Friday. For some reason I'm nervous. I know that they're not going to change me, but they're going to give me the tools to change myself. I've never done anything like this. I guess I'm afraid because I'm afraid of the changes. I'm literally being taken out of my comfort zone. I'm going to be talking to a complete stranger about all this.
On yet another note, I am coming up on week 10 at school. I will be so happy to get this term over with.
 
I have been steadily losing weight. I know I promised myself not to step on the scale, but I couldn't help it. I had started feeling like I was slacking off, and I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't strayed. Thankfully, I found out that my total weight loss for this year so far is 33 pounds. I have been using the exercise bike I bought and also lifting weights. One thing that I definitely notice is I eat significantly less than I used to. I have also been working on my emotions. Rather than bottling them up or eating them, I'm actually experiencing them. I see and feel my body changing and I can hardly believe that I'm finally doing it. I have fallen and gotten back up several times. I know that I will see this through to my goal weight.I am also really happy because my grades came out. I was worried about them, but I got 2 A's and a C (In math ~.~) If I keep going, I should be done with community college and be off to a University by winter of 2012.
 
Okay, so it's been a while since I've written. I've lost a total of 40 pounds this year, and a grand total of 63 pounds lost. I'm down to a pant size of 18.
Things have been going pretty well for me. I really do feel that I am going to reach my goal and stay there.

I'm taking a jogging class at school too. My teacher was quite surprised that I could keep up with the joggers (it's a beginning jogging/walking class, so I have a choice if I wanted to walk). People are noticing the weight loss, and that's pretty awesome. I do have to say though, last weekend, some nasty perv touched my ass as he walked behind me at the laundry mat. I could understand putting a hand on my shoulder so I wouldn't back up into him, but I felt a hand on my ass. I was pissed, but I couldn't say anything. I was too shocked. I know that not everyone is like that, but it's also a reality check that as I get thinner, the chances of being approached or talked to is going to go up...I'm not really an out going person, so I'm going to have to deal with that crap too.

I applied for Graduation through the community College. They haven't processed it yet, but if I do everything correctly, I'll be done with Community college after summer term, and I've already applied and have been accepted to Western Oregon University so I'm set on that end to start in the fall. I'm really happy about where things are going in my life.
I made a promise to myself, and I'm keeping it. :D
 
So far, I've been able to lose 10 pounds a month for the last 6 months. I have never been able to keep a New Year's resolution for this long. I know I can keep this up. I have a feeling it's going to get really hard now that I've reached my half-way point, but it also means there's no going back. I am more confident than ever that I will NEVER see 300 on the scale ever again! I am so far away from that number now. Yet, I still have 83 pounds to go.

I surprised myself on Wednesday when I jogged 4 miles. I want to get up to jogging 5 miles comfortably by my birthday on August 22nd. I don't jog fast, but I know speed will come with time. Back in high school, I didn't believe I could even jog one lap, and here I am now jogging more than a mile! I've made so much progress.
On top of that, I have also been doing some strength training. I know that cardio isn't the whole equation.

I have had a couple of chances to run into people I hadn't seen in a LONG time, and the reactions I've gotten are pretty awesome. I cannot wait until I am at my goal weight. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything else.
Before, I'd say I wanted it, but I didn't want it enough to work for it. I'd lose steam and give up. I hate to say it, but it actually bothers me when people complain and say "I can't" or "It's too hard" because it's not that they 'can't' it's that they 'wont'.
If this shit were easy, everyone would be healthy and hard-bodied. Don't get me wrong. I understand that there are people who have legitimate diseases that make them overweight, or make it hard to lose, but there is ALWAYS something you can do even if it's just maintaining. The fact is, until people address the reasons WHY they're overweight, or actually make an effort to eat LESS of their favorite foods, nothing is going to get done.

Of course, there is always the option of surgery too. I always knew that it wasn't for me. I mean think about it: You have so little control over yourself that a doctor had to go in and physically change the shape of your stomach so you stop eating sooner than you normally would have. That sounds like it sucks. Hell, I've MET people that have had gastric bypass and the lap band. I've seen some people have success with both, but I've also seen where some people gain it all back. Then of course, there's the people who have had tummy tucks...Someone I know recently had one, but she's not really controlling what she eats. You set yourself up for failure if you don't tackle the 'why'.

I've worked very hard to get to where I am now. My fiance'e tells me every day that he's so proud of me and that if anyone deserves this, it's me. :)
I'm so lucky to have met him. I wasn't at my worst when I met him, but I was still overweight. He has never once told me to lose weight, or diet. He understands that this is for me and has been nothing but my cheer leader.

Anyway, that's all I've got to say for now.
 
My weight has stayed the same all month. I have to admit, I've been eating slightly over my calories, and most of it has been processed food that's high in sodium. While I'm still exercising, I haven't raised the intensity of it. I am at least happy that I didn't gain, and I didn't stop exercising.
A lot of it was stress. we didn't receive our financial aid until July 22nd. That's really no excuse.
I can't let this be the beginning of the end. I don't want to lose steam, but it's so frustrating to have to exercise twice as much as I was before just to keep seeing results.

I know that in order to lose again, I ABSOLUTELY need to change my eating habits. I've been eating too little in the morning, and then I eat too much in the evenings. I also know that I need to be drinking more water-especially being overweight. I read that for every 25 pounds that you're overweight, you need to drink an additional cup. That would mean I need to drink at least 11 cups of water a day, and lately, it's only been between 2 and 5 cups. That would also help the bit of water retention I'm experiencing. Ugh I'm a little mad at myself for not trying hard enough last month, but every day is a new day, and I will learn from this mistake.
 
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