Don't lose faith

C

callmeskinny

New member
I am not sure what context this diary should start in. Am I writing to myself, am I writing to others or am I writing to both? I guess with that said, I will do a little of both.

Today is day 2 for my journey to good health and huge weight loss and I have made a promise to myself that I will do everything I can to make this happen. I know the right and wrong things to do and eat & drink, I know I can do this. I really want this muffin that is growing over my pants to go away! I have so much fat in my face and neck that I look "sad" even when I am having a great day! The weight just pulls down my smile! It is pathetic how far I have let myself go.

I am beginning this journey with my husband. We have been married for almost 14 years - when we met I would say we were both in the best shape of our lives. He had had a major transformation in college - he lost 85 pounds watching his diet and using a rowing machine - he joined a gym and was doing fine maintaining until our first son was born - I have to admit I was not a diligent as him with diet or exercise and then when I got pregnant I let it all go and really haven't been successful in getting back to the committed lifestyle I need to be at. I can do this - I have great support to get this done - so I have to wonder why I haven't been able to get back. I will say that guilt in leaving my kids who are now 10 & 8 have alot to do with it. I for many years felt selfish taking time away even a 1/2 hr. for myself to go to the gym, finding a babysitter or missing out on "family" time if my husband was home watching them while I was at the gym. How silly it seems to me but even now a little of me feels bad I have to leave them to go work out. They hopefully will want to join me on some of my long walks while they ride a bike but for now I need to get my motivation from myself. If they choose to come I will gladly take them along but them not coming cannot stop me from going.

THIS WEEKS GOAL: eat healthy and drink plenty of water, take a 30 - 45 minute walk with my dog or alone at a fairly quick pace everyday. Outside of my physical goals, my goal is to purchase a scale so I know my start point. Be the best mother & wife I possibly can while not sacrificing myself.

CAL
 
Day 2 Almost Over!

So far, my goals have been met instead of the 45 minute walk, I ended up going on a bike ride with the kids. I still have a short walk with the dog later but nothing to rigorous. I would love to get to bed by 11 today and start up again tomorrow.

I decided to also record a workout show I have been eyeing for awhile on fit TV so I am going to try and get to that in the morning. I am not setting it as a "true" goal but it would be nice to do a little of it to see if I can. This weight is limiting my ability to do alot of cardio but I am going to keep trying each day to not get discouraged and lose faith in my ability to succeed at this.

I have a wedding this weekend, and I am sure just the 5 days of exercising regularly with my heart rate up will make me feel better on Saturday and as a result hopefully carry myself differently.

Tonight I have taken a shower, cooked a great low point/carb meal for the family (broiled shrimp scampi) and am going to settle in until I have to do the night walk 9:30 or so. I am calling today a success!

Good job to me for keeping my spirits up, my patience high, and not losing site of the goal!

CAL
 
welcome to another day!

message to myself - The morning of day 3 I got up a little late - dog is sick (appt. is today), watching a friends son, weather will be hot 87 degrees! stick to the Plan CAL - drink lots of water and don't lose your cool if you are overheated "GO IN THE POOL" - don't get stressed! Your day will be better if you keep yourself calm. You can do this!

So now that the thoughts in my head are officially out there - I have no excuse not to have a good day. If I fail it is my own fault. Along with the stressful things there are good thing happening also - I am golfing with a friend tonight - the 19th hole might be a little rough but I will preplan with water and a salad - plan to eat a meal before I leave for golf and I will not have a drink though a big frosty beer would be great after a round of golf. you see how this happens, fun things go along with the "bad" body things - out to dinner with friends have a steak and a drink, golf with friends have a drink and snack in the 19th hole, date with your husband to the movies - get a popcorn! How do the skinny people not get fat - I have a fun life do lots of great things however they traditionally lead me to do bad things for my body after or during. There is always water, there is always salad, there is always a healthy option or just preplan and don't put yourself in the situation where temptation becomes to great! So PLAN PLAN PLAN that will help you in your quest for good health. It may feel good in the moment but it won't feel good the next morning when you realize you went off plan for a quick fix.

goals for today: stay on plan with eating, do 45 minutes of exercise with heart rate up, be the best mother and wife I can be - they deserve it but more importantly - I deserve it. keep the faith don't lose hope. log in later.

CAL
 
day 3 continued!

Well, the dog saw the vet, my son saw his nutritionist (he is struggling with "gaining") I finished watching my friends son and I am about to get ready for 9 holes of golf - so far no time to workout but probably I will do it when I get in from golf.

I have to walk today - even though the course will be some walking, I don't want to kid myself it really isn't aerobic for me, I am not struggling at all when I play. So I "MUST" get out tonight and do my cardio!!!!

You can do this - find the time you are worth it.

Oh yeah! I am sorry Griff - Thanks for welcoming me. I realized this afternoon I never acknowledged you.

CAL
 
day 4

I almost didnt' get my walk in last night, the dog was crazy the kids and husband were watching a funny show I wanted to watch and by the time I thought of walking it was late - I was convincing myself (justifying) that the golf was enough exercise today - I knew it wasn't but I was getting tired it was 9:45 and I was thinking about bed already. Then, my canine friend was a little hyper so I said it must be a sign to not fool myself I needed to walk no matter what.

My eating yesterday was all healthy and in good amount except for dinner - I had a little more food than I should have given I ate so late but since I golfed I didn't get home until late, I didn't eat before I left like I planned to and I was hungry at 8:30 - I kept it healthy it was just more than I probably would have eaten if it were earlier and I have planned better. We have a cookout tonight which I am not eating at I will be eating at home but it is a get together with friends, a hot 90 degree day and a beer would be nice but I am not doing it - 1 leads to 2 then 3 and before you know it I am polishing off 5 (yes 5) it seems so absurd that I drink that much - most women would be flat out at 5 not me I could go and go then be so mad the next day. So for now I decided to cut alcohol from the diet for awhile it will help with my stamina, my body health and I am confident the weight loss.

I am going to do the aerobics show I taped - it should be interesting since I haven't done aerobics in years. I think I will keep up fine if I just take it slow pace myself. I don't want to be wimpy I want to break a sweat, it could be my only big cardio for the day I am not going to be able to walk today at least I don't think.

So another successful day - I am striving for 7 days of success - that was the initial goal I set for myself - 7 days of:

1. exercise (something realistic everyday)
2. healthy eating
3. journaling

I haven't purchased my scale yet, I will do that maybe this week. I was going to rush out and get it when I started 3 days ago but I know that I feel my best when my lifestyle is good and I know when all that is happening my clothes fit better because I have lost weight. The scale purchase though a goal it is not priority right now - my commitment to myself is what is important right now - I lost me somewhere in the birth of my kids and taking care of my husband. I am ready and most importantly they are ready for the changes to happen in me.

So I am off for a little morning snack prior to my workout and will log in later.

CAL
 
end of day 5

Well, the day didn't go as well as it started - the good: I stayed on track for my healthy eating although I didn't get a start on eating until very late so essentially I starved myself for 5 hours before I fueled with food. I was busy with haircuts and preparing for a wedding on Saturday (primping) so overall the day was good because my food choices and exercise were good but I wish I had more positive things to say.

Still haven't gotten resistance bands or dumb bells which I wanted to get this week oh well - there is always next week. I am working on my endurance and trying to mix up what I am doing each day so I don't get discouraged early in the process.

will log in tomorrow, its getting late.

CAL
 
its not the end.

I have to keep reminding myself that one day does not define my success or failure - I entered this transformation with a goal - get healthy - yesterday was my brother in laws wedding - I ate to much AND I drank to much - I had a great time, I don't have a ton of regrets however I don't feel so great today and I was feeling so good over the last few days. I need to rest up today and get back to it. So a nap is going to be in my afternoon - it was a 3AM night I haven't done that in years and boy is my body feeling it.

maybe log in later - have to get the kids ready for camp this week - but I need to nap or I am going to get nothing done.

CAL
 
Hi Cal,

You're doing great! Kids keep you busy,but there are lots of ways to workout with them around. The taping of a workout show will be a great way to be around the kids and they might even join you. You can also check out DVDs at the library and mix up your routines. This journey is one of many steps forward and steps backward. By taking it one day at a time and keeping a positive outlook, you're well on your way to a healthy lifestyle!
 
Your doing great Cal! One bad night is not going to hurt your progress, you have a great time at the wedding and had some yummy foods and a few drinks, now it's time to get back on the bandwagon! Initially you should have one day a week where you can eat or drink anything you want, but the next day get right back on the bandwagon again! Good luck with the rest of your weight loss! And if you want visit my journal (I'm Back! For Good This Time)
 
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