Do you date out of your league?

BIG_CHEESE

BIG_CHEESE

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As a big dude I understand that its hard to get a date. simply because natures system is to have us find mates with the best genetics we can find. Simply put being fat isnt one of those desireable genetic traits, if it was we wouldnt be on thsi forum trying to discuss how to lose its weight. But i find that alot of guys settle on there initial initation when it come to meeting that woman. there to intimidated to approach the woman that really sets there hotte alarm off. im not saying that a woman with some size on her wont be a great partner. shoot ive met many more non super model looking women that would be great girlfriends and wifes than would some daniel pastova looking chicks that ive known. in my life ive noticed ive never had to settle at least on the physical aspect, ive dates some major bitches, but for a while there thats the kind of personallity i liked but thats another thread. anyways. all im saying is im a big freaking dood. i not bed ridden or anything like that and im not risking my life by being my weight but im not that far from being like that either. I dont have a big dating history I dont date around just im not good at picking up women just because, ive been skinny and was the same way around women as i was when im big, but all the woman i have been with, you know have all been lookers. hot chicks. be it making out at parties, or girlfriends all of them have been like hot. I dont know what it is. and i dont see it to often either i see pretty couples and i see hot couples and i see fat couples. but never do i see hot chicks with fat doods. except in miami and beverly hills where they are trophy wives. im not rich. im not smooth at all. im kinda rude. im quiet when you first meet me and im loud after you know me. and im kind of a pig.

im not complaining, but when i do the math i should be with some big ugly girl. but shoot my last girlfriend was a size jeans 0 5'10 with a runway model body and long legs. And my current girlfriend looks like a carbon copy of Rachel Mcadams. im saying i got skills in the bed so i know why they stick around. but i dont know how i get them in bed in the first place. im not trying to brag. but am i just getting lucky or is this more common than i think. i dont want my luck to run out.


any one else always end up with someone out of there league?
 
hmmm... I think everyone thinks that their significant other is hot, at least to them (considering that a major part of being initially attracted to someone is.... well attraction), I don't really know anyone who thinks their bf/gf is ugly, if they did why would they be with them if they weren't attracted to them.

I don't really consider anyone "out of my league" in the way you mean. I have dated big guys (even when I was 125 lbs) and I have dates guys with amazing bodies (even when I was at my biggest), hell I even have an ex that had single digit body fat (and I dated him while I was my heaviest). I have always been confident and have never had a problem getting the guy I wanted.
 
search 'ladder theory"

you reap what you sow pretty much... you're going to date what you type of person you project...
 
I'm still trying to work out if that post was one of the most offensive things I've ever read, or one of the funniest. Hmmm...

Aside from that, my observations have been that people tend to date within their own "size", so to speak, maybe because of superficial physical reasons, but mostly because of lifestyle reasons. Caution: I'm going to make a huge generalization here about body types and activity levels that I know don't apply to everyone, please don't get offended! If Bob is an avid runner and health food junkie, he'll most likely be fit/slim. If running and healthy eating is an important part of his life, he'll try to find a partner who also enjoys running and eating the same way he does and chances are she/he will be fit as well. On the flip side, if Bob was very inactive, led a sedentary life and mostly ordered in greasy food or ate out a lot, chances are he isn't fit (again, generalization!). He'll attract people who enjoy those same things. Or rather, people who don't lead that same lifestyle WON'T be attracted to Bob because of his lifestyle. Make sense? Again, huge generalizations but true in a lot of cases.

And just a funny anectode, in a biology class we were talking about mate selection and sociology. Someone somewhere did an informal study, and asked men and women to rate the attractiveness requirements for a one-night stand, or a life partner. For men, to have a one-night stand the woman didn't have to be very attractive. But to have a long term relationship, the attractiveness requirement increased. For women, complete opposite. For a woman to have a one-night stand, the guy had to be HOT! But as the relationship got longer, attractiveness became less of a requirement.
 
There is no league really, atleast not a weight league. You just gotta know what your doing around women and you can land almost anything you want. I won't get into shyness and all that....but what hampers alot of men I think is they keep trying to pick up women when they are not in their element and they fuck it up. Night clubs for examle. they have this mentality that clubs are the only place to find a women. some of us are not club folks and we gotta realize that. So to all you guys, skinny or fat, who waste your time hanging at clubs on the weekend but still go back your right hand at night, STOP. quit wasting your time. There are women in other places besides Hollywood.
 
I just went on tour with my band (we are a big band, I am one of the lead singers) and out of 33 people on tour we had 3 couples (where both play an instrument in the band or sing or both). I found the couples looked amazingly alike. One of the couples was long term (over a year and a half) the other two had only started dating 4 or 5 months ago.
Couple 1, both were slim, dark with blue eyes, couple 2, both were chubby, ate a lot of chocolate and had wavy hair in similar tones, couple 3, again both chubby, similar facial features.
It never occurred before to me that couples look so much alike (and maybe it just is because they are a couple that you see all the similarities... know what I mean?).
My man and I certainly don't! I am short and stout(ish), he is long and very slim. I am blong and blue eyes and extremely fair, he is dark, dark hair, dark eyes... people still say we go along well, we look good together. None of both of us is a supermodel, but we are both reasonably attractive people. His body is nicer than his face, my face is nocer than my body!

I think what Jojo says is right, couples last because they have things in common. I am not sayiong a morbidly obese person has nothing in common with a supermodel, but from my own experience (I am high energy... well I was ADHD when younger... I think I have sort of outgrown it, but I am still jiggly... they call me tornado girl in the band) I don't do so well with guys whose energy is really low, because I need a lot of action. Equally people who have low energy might feel highly annoyed at my inability to sit for long periods of time!

And a really long lasting relationship, one that leads to marriage etc... will need that people are attracted to each other in many more ways than just the physical! I mean once a guy is an idiot (or a girl), no matter how pretty he is, he will never be marriage material!
Whenever someone asks me, what I love about my man I honestly answer: the way he listens to me, the way he makes me feel protected, how much fun we have when we go on holidays, the way he looks at me when I sing, how funny he can be... how beautiful he is doesn't really cross my mind that much! Sure he ain't a minger, but... bodies change over time and I cannot love just the outside! (we have been together for 4 years now as a side info)

If I was out dating now, I wouldn't think anyone was out of my league, but I have never dated a bigger guy, so who knows...
Camy
 
theirs no leagues... Date you who like and who find attractive and who you can stand listening to for more then 10 mins lol
 
I personally have always had thin men, no matter how big I am ..at 320 however My ex because not attracted to me and that was it. He wanted me to be 250 or lower and said he wouldnt marry me unless I got down below 200 ..he was a jerk..and very hot ..

I am now with a man who is very tall ... 6'2 and 211 pounds and very hot.. he is also mulluto ..which turns me on more... but he is broad like a foot ball player and eats like one ... he is very sweet and true gentleman ..while Alex who was the PERFECT weight ..literally ..just a little tummy .. he did have the body of a male model ...so ...but I was not happy with him ..he was a total ass ..

but Peter is hot too, even though he is bigger. His personality is beautiful .. and I don't care he is not my body type...usually and always I have only been with hot men ... but now I have someone who is heavier ... and he is hot ... he is different ..very different than who I usually date ..and I appreciate him a lot .. I am more on personality ..but its funny because I have always been with what "society thinks is hot" ..but I think Peter is even hotter than Alex, also because he has such a great personality ...

so I dunno ... but peeps like peeps because of personality mostly ...

You probably are attracting women because of your personality ..because women mostly go on personality ..while men go on visual ..and than personality ..

best wishes

natalie jo
 
jojoluvsu2 said:
I'm still trying to work out if that post was one of the most offensive things I've ever read, or one of the funniest. Hmmm...

Aside from that, my observations have been that people tend to date within their own "size", so to speak, maybe because of superficial physical reasons, but mostly because of lifestyle reasons. Caution: I'm going to make a huge generalization here about body types and activity levels that I know don't apply to everyone, please don't get offended! If Bob is an avid runner and health food junkie, he'll most likely be fit/slim. If running and healthy eating is an important part of his life, he'll try to find a partner who also enjoys running and eating the same way he does and chances are she/he will be fit as well. On the flip side, if Bob was very inactive, led a sedentary life and mostly ordered in greasy food or ate out a lot, chances are he isn't fit (again, generalization!). He'll attract people who enjoy those same things. Or rather, people who don't lead that same lifestyle WON'T be attracted to Bob because of his lifestyle. Make sense? Again, huge generalizations but true in a lot of cases.

And just a funny anectode, in a biology class we were talking about mate selection and sociology. Someone somewhere did an informal study, and asked men and women to rate the attractiveness requirements for a one-night stand, or a life partner. For men, to have a one-night stand the woman didn't have to be very attractive. But to have a long term relationship, the attractiveness requirement increased. For women, complete opposite. For a woman to have a one-night stand, the guy had to be HOT! But as the relationship got longer, attractiveness became less of a requirement.
Click to expand...

I agree with this completely! Just yesterday morning there was a discussion like this on our local radio talk show. People from the area were calling in to say if they were a better looking partner or how they ended up with the person they are with. Most of the women that called had signifigant others that were average looking men. And a lot of men that called said that they themselves were unattractive, but their wives/girlfriends were very slim and good looking.

I think NatalieJo said it correctly when saying that men are more visual, and women are more into WHO the guy is and what he is about. Apperance matters to women, but usually falls 2nd or 3rd or farther down the list.

Personally, I think that my hubby and I were pretty much on the same level attractive-wise when we got together. As the years have passed, and I have had children I have gained signifigantly more weight than he has. He tends to be the better looking one of us....But only for a while!!! Im gonna get back to where I was and knock him off his socks! And it's my opinion anyway that my hubby is a hottie...I think we all think our partners are attractive. At least I hope we do...we're the people who know them best inside and out.

As a side note: We are discussing your average looking people here..not Quasimodo.
 
I've been wondering about this whole dating in your own league thing too. I have some friends who have seriously been trying to fix me up lately, and it worries me a little bit. I bring this up to them, such as "Is so and so that you want me to meet in my league?", and they always give me shit for asking that. They think I'm fine and look hot but, they are my friends and have to say that, lol...jk

I just haven't ever really dated... I know, it probably makes me sound like a freak, lol. I must mention that I am a gay man who spent 23 years in the closet in Utah, and I think it fcuked me up a little bit... I just am really apprehensive going about it. I hope to meet someone I am attracted to but, more importantly I hope someone is attracted to me, which in my crazy brain I can't grasp of why someone would be. How someone looks is important but someone who laughs at most of my jokes and I have a good time with matters more to me :)

I talk with a lot of my friends (most of which are not gay (probably problem #1 in my troubles, lol)) and they always tell me that their is no league and anyone can have anyone, it just boils down to confidence... I hope that is true and I am still seriously trying to work on the latter. I just get scared that I will get set up on some date with a beautiful specimen of a man and he will meet me and be like "WTF is going on here"....

Sorry about the novel of a reply but this topic just kind of hits home to me lately.

-Sam:)
 
Oh Sammyboy, living in Salt Lake and can't find a boyfriend? I must know around 7000 gay people who live there. Several clubs seem to have large gay attendance. Actually just last night, I went to the W Lounge with a friend of mine, and a guy kept hitting on him the whole night. Of course he is straight.

Just go to the known gay venues, and I'm sure someone will offer to buy you a drink and whatnot eventually.
 
I actually have been thinking about this. I don't think their is a league. I think some peeps have this thought of weight, prejudice and some peeps thinks their are leagues. But in all technicality the fact is that I never date out of my league. I have been with really this men, and now I am with something who could belong on a football team, which is totally different from what I usually find attractive, but I think he is hot. And my ex Alex was thin, back then I thought there was a such thing as a "league", but now I don't. He was a total ass. And I dont think their is a league, we are all the same, humans, we each have different personality, regardless of what we weigh, our personality is very important ...

so I dont have any leagues, but I do go on personality.

and My thin, hot ex was a jerkbutt and my bigger man now is a hot and lovely man. Full of intelligence and is kind. Alex was intelligen too, but I thought that I went for total intelligence, but that doesn't matter. What matters is personality ... and we change as we grow and through every relationship we go through we learn more about our selves and more about people and life and society ...if you hinder yourself by thinking in a league or out of a league, you may never meet the girl or man of your dreams ..

best wishes
always
natalie jo

edit
sorry about my typos .. lol hopefully you can read it!! lol Talk about me and Literature major... peeps might think otherwise lol
bye
 
I've pondered the question of 'league' since before I can remember. I believe the idea of 'league' is defined separately and uniquely by each individual.

For instance, my sister and I have completely different physical statures, and because of it, to the by-passer, we would be in two different 'leagues'.

That being said, I believe it's initial attraction that creates league, not vice versa. If a slim/attractive man is severely drawn to an overweight/average, woman, the woman may feel the man is 'out of her league' but ultimately, the man feels differently and the two live out their lives in wedded bliss to the utter surprise and joy of the woman.

Everyone has their own, definition of what's in or out of their 'league', a.k.a, -the approachability of the opposite gender given their physical standing and assumed willingness to be interested in the approacher'.

Generally speaking, people shy away from approaching other's out of their social standing, also a 'league' but clearly a different one when generalized to the platonic.

It's merely my personal opinion that yes, 9's attract 9's and 7's, 7's and 2's attract 2's because emotionally, they're both in the same place when it comes to their self-confidence. But, there's also the common happenstance, of 9's (especially when pertaining to woman) having extremely low self-confidence despite their high evaluation from the observer. It's because of this low self-esteem, an extremely attractive woman is attracted to a man with less physical appeal than she. She won't have to worry about disappointment or rejection, if she understands that the man feels he's scored out of his 'league', because the woman approached him. This could be taken in the opposite of context of course, with an attractive male approaching a less attractive female.

Again, this is merely my personal opinion of such things.

I would like to add here, that this is how *I* feel, and I'm rather certain it's attributed to my past struggles with the way I look physically. Because of my weight issues, I do have a very low self-confidence and because of it, I'm attracted to the average Joe. If I grew up with an extreme amount of self-confidence, I'm rather certain I would feel differently about the type of man I 'deserve' physically. I suppose sometimes, this is why we see attractive woman with ugly men or vise versa. There may be a stark psychological reason unobservable by those spectating.

Ending this diatribe, I will say that we cannot know for certain why couples can be matched so well physically or be at separate ends of the attractiveness spectrum. All we can be certain of is they're happy with their significant other regardless of that person being in or out of the league they'd originally assumed was set in stone given their physical bearings.
 
I actually usually attract hot young men. They were all hot men, as hot as you can get. Jake was pretty much a model and man did he look good in those tight boxers. But I thought I was dating out of what I thought was my league, but you know what I found out from past experience leagues are nothing but what we believe them to be personally. I dont believe in leagues, because I dont see the world that way anymore. I was trapped by that thinking before, but not anymore. I guess I am free of that. I know that I can get most any man I want, thin or with a pouch. I get turned down my overweight men and thin men, but most of the time I get thin men. But this time I struck Gold by meeting someone who attracts me personality .. he is wonderful ..and he is in my league and no matter what size he was .. he wouild be in my "league" because I dont think their are leagues, only when you fall into the trap of thinking their are leagues... it does take self love to attract someone, no matter what size they are. There are thin men who are real jerkbutts let me tell you, I don't have any interest in slim men anymore because of my experience .. I only believe in personality .. I am totally attracted to personlity ..thin men dont do anything for me anymore ... only personality and my man has a great personality, thus I find him attractive in my eyes. My physical is added in with my emotional and personality of the person .. I used to only want thin men and I would catch them ..they would just come floating my way and I would put the moves on ..but ... Thin men have not impressed me ..so I would rather date whoever comes by and is worth my time ...

I am free from leagues ..now ..happily .. I am very open ...

so open that I took a chance. I live in NH ..and its unheard of dating a black man ..but I am dating this wonderful man who is mulluto ..and all men are created equal ..but I stepped out of NHs comfort zone and I feel I did justice right ..this is the best man I have ever dated . .he is so genuine, generous, beautiful, sweet, intelligent ..nothing like going to a bookstore and talking about books on the first date ..perfect for me ...

So I dont care about size, color, creed, poor, rich .. personality is my thing ...

so no leagues for me

I hope peeps can get over leagues and reach a better site in their minds someday but seriously ..this is society we are talking about ...and what they think is beautiful may not be really beautiful ... but they seem to convince some people, well maybe a lot of peeps to think their way ..when we should think individually and see the person for who they are ..and not how much money they have, or how they look ... looks are in the equation ..but if one really freed their mind ... looks wouldnt be all of it ..personality would hang so true in any substantial matter ..if only society trully played up personatliy ..and what they would like to convey as what is beautiful, that might not be so beautiful to ...

well later
natalie jo
 
Just an observation natalie... you've said more than once that race doesn't matter to you - but int he same breath you feel the need to mention the race of the current person who you're involved with and the last person.. if race didn't matter to you, you wouldn't notice it or feel the need to mention it.
 
maleficent said:
Just an observation natalie... you've said more than once that race doesn't matter to you - but int he same breath you feel the need to mention the race of the current person who you're involved with and the last person.. if race didn't matter to you, you wouldn't notice it or feel the need to mention it.
Click to expand...

Well the reason is because I grew up only around white peeps ..that was it ..and now I am being show there are more than just one race out here .. u know .. NH is started to become more varied ..so I am liking the variety of peeps ..and I am kind of psyched that I have someone so beautiful ... it means a lot to me ..that I am able to open my mind ..and move beyond where I grew up .. I think everyone is wonderful and beautiful ..regardless of who you are ...

I just love having the new experience of having such a variety of peeps living around me and someone who is so wonderful dating me .. I so hope it works out between us ..the only sucky thing is my grandmother and my christian family is very prejudice and they have always disgusted me .. I hate being around them .. I dont want him to meet them, because I cant even put up with them ..and I dont want him to be insulted by them ...

so .. I think I am falling in love with him ..hmm and it feels so good ..
sorry now I am going all love love love on this thread

sorry guys ..
I am just falling so in love with him .. hmm
wonderful feeling!
 
I've dated all types of men. Skinny and not so skinny. Tall and short, smart and not so smart. I don't think I have a 'league', or at least I don't look at relationships that way. From experience, most men are out of my league anyway -- that is because at the moment I can't be so bothered. But if we had to put #s on it and say I'm a 5, I've dated 3's and I've dated 9's. I've dated really hot guys and some plain guys. All jerks btw. My last husbands genetics leave a lot to be desired, but my daughter is georgeous. My 1st husband is 250 lbs (at 5 9) our son is 5 9 and 150 lbs. If people think that we pick our mates soley on procreation of the strongest gene pool, that's a load of crap. Well of course, MY children get their genetics from me. :D
 
I think what ppl consider "leagues" are actually cliques. Any person, regardless of their weight, is really only out of your league if they are attracted to a completely different person than you in all aspects (and yet this doesn't stop people either)... person meaning looks, characteristics, career, education, intelligence, style of humor, outlook on life, etc. Just because "she's pretty" or "he's hot" and they aren't interested in you doesn't mean you can't find her/his twin and be in the same "league". For a long time I would look at men and think, "those guys are out of my league... i could never catch his eye." And you know why? Because the first set were "hot guys" at a sports bar and fuck if I care about sports. And the second guy was usually the corporate/politcal "hot" guy and to be perfectly honest, I want a man who can wear a t-shirt and jeans, keeps a nice suit in his closet for special occasions, and every now and then lets me buy him way-too-trendy-for-his-taste pieces that I'm pretty sure will get him stolen away from me if he wears that stuff in public. So the sports guys aren't out of my league and the corporate guy isn't out of my league... even if I was thin, it would be the same story.

And if you see a girl/guy and to you they are smokin' hot, don't let weight hold you back. I've seen lots of skinny guys who couldn't get laid if their life depended on it and overweight guys AND girls who have sex partner/relationship lists longer than a marathon. It's about personal projection and ppl's preferences. In my very short dating history I've casually dated 2 army guys (one small, one not small), a 300 pound opera singer, a svelt 160 pound pole vaulter and the current/not-so-casual 140 pound engineer/tech nerd. It's just how the cards fall.
 
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