Bambam2
New member
ok i think this is the only safe place i can talk about what’s going on. I am losing weight for a commercial but I’ve been needing to lose weight for my acting career as it is and now I’m doing it but now i am freaked the fuck out. I have never had so much anxiety plus i can’t really be around anyone because of the food thing because i can’t handle it and also when you’re not eating and you’re exercising people suck. Like they really fucking suck. Like if you were having a baby or getting married or dating or working some dumb job or traveling that’s what your life would revolving around. And that’s what you’d be talking about. But start a diet and start talking about how sore your muscles are or whatever no one wants to hear it. And then what do people want to talk about or do? It all revolves around food. Everything. Food food food food. I feel so attacked every day. My anxiety levels are through the roof. So much so i had to stop smoking weed because it was relieving the pain too easily. I had to go out and have fun with a stranger to elliviate the loneliness. Gosh he used every tactic. I can’t sleep with him. How can you give in to someone when you see them using all the tactics. And in your mind you’re kind of looking at him like a piece of meat and you find yourself. The 29 virgin lesbian who is seriously considering boning this beautiful ( did i mention hew was beautiful) English (did i mention he had a beautiful English accent) guy that i met tonight because the food thing is getting to me so badly. I feel like a teenager. I feel like I’m going to make a dumb mistake. I worry that i already have just by going out with him for dinner just by giving him my phone number. I’m surrounded by scoundrels right now. They are all waiting for me to fall. And i feel like i might but it’s like driving on the 110, it’s such a narrow freeway and your insurance rate already is $100 more bc of a dumb fender bender in a parking lot. You can’t afford to make a mistake. This is the most pressure I’ve ever been under and i feel like i have to do it alone. Because i am alone. And so this is the most vulnerable i have ever felt. This doesn’t feel good. It feels scary. Like something inside my chest might suddenly splinter or crumble. Like it already has and i i went for a 6 mile run with whatever crumbled taped up with scotch tape and I’m going anyway. Hoping it holds together. And I’m horny all the time. And i don’t trust it. I’m fighting with people i love. I’m isolating myself and that is a huge no no from the 48 laws of power. And i have no idea who to turn to. There is no one i trust and it’s because i am physically changing. Actually changing. And it could change everything. And also it’s so gradual. The change is so sudden and no one wants change. But this is a change that’s been in the works. The roots are already deeply entrenched I’m only just starting to sprout just a little. I’m breaking ground over here. And I’m a little terrified of my surroundings.