Default Julie's food & exercise journal

[JuliePulie]

Hey guys,

I have been struggling with my weight for a while now, so I thought: hey, let's start this journal thing and see if it works out.
I'm not actually overweight, but a little too chubby for my liking. I am frustrated with myself that I don't seem to have the discipline to lose some weight. I also sometimes go on a binge and I really want to get it under control. If anyone has any tips for me, feel free to share. I'm not even sure what causes them. Stress perhaps, as I have a quite stressy job: I'm a journalist. Or maybe boredom, because these binges often happen when I'm not doing anything or I don't have exciting stuff in the near future to look forward to.

Anyway, I just had one. I came home from a family thing and I had told myself, driving home, that I would go for a run and afterwards prepare a healthy meal for myself. I ended up coming home and it was as if I couldn't control myself: I prepared a quick wrap (with a lot of cheese, d'oh) and then I also had some oatmeal. I haven't gone for that run. Well done, Jules...

I want to have an awesome body and feel good about myself. I know it sounds silly and superficial, but hey, can't help it. You've only got one body. And one life. So I want to make the best out of it. Maybe it's not even about looking good. Maybe it's just about control. And feeling as if I'm in control over my body, makes me more confident, I think. Today I normally was going to a party, but I canceled because I felt ugly and fat. I really don't want that to happen in the future. I know it's stupid. But that's how it was.

Okay, so, yes! I'm not going to weigh myself yet because I'm afraid of what my weight is at the moment (I'm pretty sure I gained quite some weight over the past weeks and I'm afraid I'd lose my motivation if I'm right.) So for now, I'm just gonna list my goals
- nett calories a day: 1200
- at least 15 minutes exercise (crunches, squatts...)
- longer exercise (run, cycle) at least 3 time a week
- Weight goal: 58 kg. (I'm 1m68)

Tomorrow I want to go for a morning run

Feel free to pinch me if I don't stick to it.

 

[aiminglow]

Hi, Julie - welcome to WLF! I wouldn't dream of pinching you, but I hope you enjoy your run.

 

[Llama]

Hey Julie and welcome! I'm sure you know your own mind best but weighing in right at the start would mean you get the satisfaction of that first solid drop.

Sounds to me like all you need to do is get those overeating urges under control to get to a healthy weight in the long run, is that correct? Can you put your finger on what caused you to deviate from your healthy plan today? Was the (prep for the) family get-together stressful? Were you tired? Relieved? Jubilant?

 

[JuliePulie]

Hey Julie and welcome! I'm sure you know your own mind best but weighing in right at the start would mean you get the satisfaction of that first solid drop.

Sounds to me like all you need to do is get those overeating urges under control to get to a healthy weight in the long run, is that correct? Can you put your finger on what caused you to deviate from your healthy plan today? Was the (prep for the) family get-together stressful? Were you tired? Relieved? Jubilant?

Hmm, well, I was feeling ugly today and that caused some stress. Because I've gained weight I'm stressed that my family notices it and thinks: she's not looking very well.... I also had a break-out on my left cheek, so that didn't help
But I hate that something so silly can make or break my mood, y'know? Something so superficial as looks. I want to lose weight and look stunning and at the same time I feel guilty for wanting it.
A part of me thinks that my life is going to get better as a whole when I also look better. Maybe that's naieve. I'm already quite attractive - or so people say - but I don't feel attractive.

 

[JuliePulie]

Hi, Julie - welcome to WLF! I wouldn't dream of pinching you, but I hope you enjoy your run.

Thanks!!

 

[Cate]

Hi, Julie & welcome to the forum. It seems to me like you need to work on boosting your self-esteem, rather than losing much weight. Seeing yourself as others see you would be good. Even when I was young & slim I never thought I looked attractive, but now I look back on photos & say "wow". I was pretty. That's sad. Try to think about having a very healthy lifestyle- good food & exercise, rather than trying to lose weight. You would most probably lose a few pounds anyway. You need to learn to love yourself.

 

[JuliePulie]

Hi, Julie & welcome to the forum. It seems to me like you need to work on boosting your self-esteem, rather than losing much weight. Seeing yourself as others see you would be good. Even when I was young & slim I never thought I looked attractive, but now I look back on photos & say "wow". I was pretty. That's sad. Try to think about having a very healthy lifestyle- good food & exercise, rather than trying to lose weight. You would most probably lose a few pounds anyway. You need to learn to love yourself.

Thank you!
How do you do that, though, learn to love yourself?
I'm wondering lately if I could benefit from therapy. I'm 30 now and I haven't had a functional relationship. Maybe one, but in the end he let me go so sudden that I doubt he ever loved me. There are also some recent family issues I should work through.

 

[Cate]

I say, go for it. Therapy really helped me. Learning to love yourself needs serious concentration.

 

[alligatorob]

Hey Julie, welcome to the forum!

I'm not actually overweight, but a little too chubby for my liking.

That is a little hard to understand without seeing you or at least seeing your stats. Are you sure losing weight is the right thing for you to do?

I want to have an awesome body and feel good about myself. I know it sounds silly and superficial, but hey, can't help it.

Can't argue with that, I don't think its silly or superficial to want to be healthy and feel good about yourself.

Today I normally was going to a party, but I canceled because I felt ugly and fat.

It sounds like you are not really fat, and probably not ugly, sorry you feel that way.

Maybe the therapy is a good idea, I wouldn't know much about that. My wife is therapist and says therapy can help anybody.

What I do know is eating right and being as healthy as you can be will make you feel better about yourself. The bingeing you describe is not healthy, what does your normal diet look like? What we can help you with here is finding a healthier diet and way of living. Even if you don't need to lose weight.

Tomorrow I want to go for a morning run

Feel free to pinch me if I don't stick to it.

Happy to, just stop by after lunch and you are welcome to a pinch!

 

[Trusylver]

I'm not actually overweight, but a little too chubby for my liking

What is your bodyfat % ? BMI is a bad indicator of whether you are carrying to much fat or not. If you are judging by BMI you can still have too much fat at a normal BMI and you can have perfectly normal bodyfat at a high BMI so if you feel chubby it is possible your right, or it could be the others are correct and it is just a body image problem.

 

[Llama]

I want to lose weight and look stunning and at the same time I feel guilty for wanting it.

That´s conflicting social messaging for you. We get pressured to look good AND we get shamed for vanity. You have to be effortlessly gorgeous yet not have any self-esteem or we´ll find reasons to bash you. I did a year of therapy a while back (and just started group therapy a couple of weeks ago) and I´d recommend it to anyone who thinks they might need it even a little bit.

 

[JuliePulie]

I say, go for it. Therapy really helped me. Learning to love yourself needs serious concentration.

Maybe I should. My sister has been going to, and two of my friends. And it has been suggested to me a few times

That is a little hard to understand without seeing you or at least seeing your stats. Are you sure losing weight is the right thing for you to do?

I want to remain anonymous, so I can speak freely But I am 1m68 and my weight varies between 60-65. Last time I weighed myself it was 63. So BMI is okay but I'd prefer to be a bit thinner.

Can't argue with that, I don't think its silly or superficial to want to be healthy and feel good about yourself.
It sounds like you are not really fat, and probably not ugly, sorry you feel that way.

No I'm not, yesterday was just a bad day. Sorry for being such a drama queen

What is your bodyfat % ? BMI is a bad indicator of whether you are carrying to much fat or not. If you are judging by BMI you can still have too much fat at a normal BMI and you can have perfectly normal bodyfat at a high BMI so if you feel chubby it is possible your right, or it could be the others are correct and it is just a body image problem.

I have no clue! How can you measure it?

That´s conflicting social messaging for you. We get pressured to look good AND we get shamed for vanity. You have to be effortlessly gorgeous yet not have any self-esteem or we´ll find reasons to bash you. I did a year of therapy a while back (and just started group therapy a couple of weeks ago) and I´d recommend it to anyone who thinks they might need it even a little bit.

Okay, now three of you have suggested therapy I should really get the message now...

Thanks everyone for the many replies to my first post! I'm amazed you're all such considerate and caring people!

 

[JuliePulie]

For those who are curious: I've been on that run! But it became an evening run (6k, 9.7 k/h, '380 kcal) instead of a morning run. *sticks out arm for that pinch*
Apart from that I had a pretty active day. I painted some old furniture.


...But I ate too much
- morning: oatmeal breakfast (+- 300 kcal)
- lunch: 2 wraps with cheese and veggies (+- 900 kcal)
- dinner: beetroot salad with tomatoes and cashews (+- 400 kcal)
- snack: 2 oat cookies (+- 90 kcal) and a piece of dark chocolate (+- 90 kcal)

Tomorrow less food for this one.

 

[alligatorob]

I want to remain anonymous, so I can speak freely.

I think we all are and we all do. Any suggestion in my post to the contrary was simply tong in cheek. Since your weight is in kg and it appears you have already posted for the day I kind of doubt we are even on the same content, but here that matters not.

1,630 calories isn't bad.

 

[Llama]

1780 in my tally but still: what Rob said.

 

[JuliePulie]

Okay, so it's official.... I'm a stresss binger
I had a job interview today and I was munching on doritos beforehand. FFS, I don't even like doritos! And I think I had 2 cookies. Maybe 3. How do you deal with stress (eating)? How can I prevent this in the future?

I also weighed myself this morning. 64. So a kilo more than the last time I weighed myself (weeks ago tbh). It's okay, could be worse But still: 6 kilos away from my goal weight.

So far:
- oatmeal breakfast (+- 300 kcal)
- lentil salad lunch (+- 300 kcal)
- snack: doritoes and cookies munch (420 kcal)

Planning on a chili this evening for 300 kcal. And then go for a long walk. I've recently just moved so I've got a lot to explore. Fun fact: the mayor of this city (Antwerp) lost 58 kilo's in just half a year. He walked loads, and followed a protein diet, the Pronokal diet.

 

[JuliePulie]

My chili was more like 400 kcal (forgot to count the cooking oil) and I didn't go for that long walk. I got too caught up in pimping my furniture. Two more chairs to go!
Tomorrow, before work, I want to go for a run. I'm going nuts making routes on strava, a feature I recently discovered. So addictive! Would be even better if I could get directions while running though; otherwise I have to keep looking at the map to see if I'm on the right track. Maybe if I export its gpx or tcx whatever that is? I'll find out...

 

[Trusylver]

I have no clue! How can you measure it?

There are a few way, the most easily accessed is bio-electric impedance scales although they lack a lot of accuracy and are best used for tracking trends. Calipers are good but you need someone trained in their use to take good measurements, or the gold standard is to get a DEXA scan or underwater weighting.

 

[JuliePulie]

There are a few way, the most easily accessed is bio-electric impedance scales although they lack a lot of accuracy and are best used for tracking trends. Calipers are good but you need someone trained in their use to take good measurements, or the gold standard is to get a DEXA scan or underwater weighting.

Ahh, I think my fitness has a scale like that!

 

[JuliePulie]

There's good news, and bad news.
The good is that my weight was less this morning: 63!
The bad that it'll probably be more tomorrow morning, 'cause I just had a massive binge eating attack. I was freaking out about my job, money, and life in general. I reached out to two people, my bf and a friend, they both weren't available. Not that I blame them of course! I blame myself.