amsterdam1
New member
Hey everyone!
Yes, as some of you might be wondering, this is my second diary. The past two weeks have been quite gruelling and challenging, and plainly disappointing. However, I’ve decided to start from scratch with a clean slate. I’ve been through so many “ok this is for real, for real” diets, that I can’t count them on my fingers. However, after reading so many of your diaries I feel inspired and motivated to change my life for the better. My last attempt, which is still ongoing, started off really well, however I didn’t see any change in my weight, no fluctuations whatsoever, not even after the first two weeks! I was completely devastated; I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I was having 900 calories/day, and exercising everyday too, but nothing seemed to change. I did realize however that I wasn’t doing things the right way; 900 calories/day is not healthy and won’t get me anywhere. I knew that the journey would be a hard one but ... to that point I just felt embarrassed.
In fact, my relationship with food isn’t healthy. I tend to be a compulsive eater. If it’s at arm’s reach, i’ll have it. If it’s in the fridge, I’ll have it. If my friends are having it, i’ll put my fork in it. If i’m stressed, i’ll go ballistic. If it’s near my time of the month.... it’s monstrous. For me food is like this enjoyable drug... I’ll have some and tell myself “oh, no biggy, I can control my cravings, I am not an addict” but turns out, I can’t control myself, and I do cave into the temptation every single time. I feel as though with food, it’s always a “last chance” meal or snack that I have. Like, “oh no, the food won’t be here tomorrow”, or “oh, but it’s so fresh right at this instant” or the worst of all “oh, but this is my last real real big dinner before i start eating healthy”.... you know typical b/s.
For me, it’s never been about fitting into size 0 jeans or about seeing my ribs stick out. I’ve just always wanted to be fit and slim...skinny yes, but not bones and skin. I enjoy clothes and fashion, but now all I wear are big loose sweaters because I’m not comfy in anything else. I’ve reached a point where i feel nagging on my clothes just so that no one pays attention to my body. Dressing up in the morning used ot be fun, not it’s just a gruelling and depressing challenge.
Basically, this is my reality check, and saying this to you, yes my entry is quite long, allows me to pour my heart and soul into this, and be honest about my weight, because on a daily basis, I don’t want to confront my weight issues... I try to brush it off my shoulder, but hey... it’s right there in front me.
So, let me get to the real deal:
I’m an 18 year old female, 5’6 ½, currently weighing 149 pounds (i am not going over the 150!)
My goals and dates:
January 31st: 148 lbs
February 14th: 144lbs
February 28th: 141 lbs
March 12th: 138 lbs
March 21st: 136 lbs
(we’ll see after that)
By the end of April I would like to be in the 120’s, my goal being 125 lbs. My weigh ins will be every Sunday morning.
How i will achieve this:
- Write in this diary every night, even if i go off the rails
- Go to the gym twice a week/ jog once a week (or go to gym once, jog twice)
- I have dance class once a week/ and two other days I will do the 30 day shred
- I will eat the best of foods (I am searching for recipes online for snacks and such)
I’ll start off with this, and keep you posted later on as I plan my new lifestyle. I don’t want to be a gruesome task, I want to enjoy my lifestyle in order to keep it for the many years to come
The journey might be a long once, and there might be bumps along the way, but in the end, I’ll get to my destination.
Yes, as some of you might be wondering, this is my second diary. The past two weeks have been quite gruelling and challenging, and plainly disappointing. However, I’ve decided to start from scratch with a clean slate. I’ve been through so many “ok this is for real, for real” diets, that I can’t count them on my fingers. However, after reading so many of your diaries I feel inspired and motivated to change my life for the better. My last attempt, which is still ongoing, started off really well, however I didn’t see any change in my weight, no fluctuations whatsoever, not even after the first two weeks! I was completely devastated; I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. I was having 900 calories/day, and exercising everyday too, but nothing seemed to change. I did realize however that I wasn’t doing things the right way; 900 calories/day is not healthy and won’t get me anywhere. I knew that the journey would be a hard one but ... to that point I just felt embarrassed.
In fact, my relationship with food isn’t healthy. I tend to be a compulsive eater. If it’s at arm’s reach, i’ll have it. If it’s in the fridge, I’ll have it. If my friends are having it, i’ll put my fork in it. If i’m stressed, i’ll go ballistic. If it’s near my time of the month.... it’s monstrous. For me food is like this enjoyable drug... I’ll have some and tell myself “oh, no biggy, I can control my cravings, I am not an addict” but turns out, I can’t control myself, and I do cave into the temptation every single time. I feel as though with food, it’s always a “last chance” meal or snack that I have. Like, “oh no, the food won’t be here tomorrow”, or “oh, but it’s so fresh right at this instant” or the worst of all “oh, but this is my last real real big dinner before i start eating healthy”.... you know typical b/s.
For me, it’s never been about fitting into size 0 jeans or about seeing my ribs stick out. I’ve just always wanted to be fit and slim...skinny yes, but not bones and skin. I enjoy clothes and fashion, but now all I wear are big loose sweaters because I’m not comfy in anything else. I’ve reached a point where i feel nagging on my clothes just so that no one pays attention to my body. Dressing up in the morning used ot be fun, not it’s just a gruelling and depressing challenge.
Basically, this is my reality check, and saying this to you, yes my entry is quite long, allows me to pour my heart and soul into this, and be honest about my weight, because on a daily basis, I don’t want to confront my weight issues... I try to brush it off my shoulder, but hey... it’s right there in front me.
So, let me get to the real deal:
I’m an 18 year old female, 5’6 ½, currently weighing 149 pounds (i am not going over the 150!)
My goals and dates:
January 31st: 148 lbs
February 14th: 144lbs
February 28th: 141 lbs
March 12th: 138 lbs
March 21st: 136 lbs
(we’ll see after that)
By the end of April I would like to be in the 120’s, my goal being 125 lbs. My weigh ins will be every Sunday morning.
How i will achieve this:
- Write in this diary every night, even if i go off the rails
- Go to the gym twice a week/ jog once a week (or go to gym once, jog twice)
- I have dance class once a week/ and two other days I will do the 30 day shred
- I will eat the best of foods (I am searching for recipes online for snacks and such)
I’ll start off with this, and keep you posted later on as I plan my new lifestyle. I don’t want to be a gruesome task, I want to enjoy my lifestyle in order to keep it for the many years to come
The journey might be a long once, and there might be bumps along the way, but in the end, I’ll get to my destination.
